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Dr. Kelly Brennan - 7 Female Behaviors That Baffle Men (Explained!)

Jan 08, 2014 -- 10:18am

7 Female Behaviors That Baffle Men (Explained!)

By Christina H August 02, 2011

In a previous article, I talked about some of the big questions men ask about women, about relationships and communication and all that boring stuff. But in focusing on the serious man/woman issues of our time, I missed out on other less dramatic, yet equally pressing issues, like why girls go to the bathroom together.

Well, here it is. I hope you're happy.

Number 7:

Why Do Women Go to the Bathroom In Groups?

A lot of men seem to think there is a kind of secret, like the women have some kind of coordinated plan or traditional ritual, when it's really a case of everything looking mysterious when you're not in on it.

A lot of the time it's as simple as trying to find an appropriate break in the conversation. When we watch TV, we all wait for commercial breaks to go to the bathroom, so we won't miss anything. In a dinner conversation, there aren't any designated "commercial breaks," but if half the group is taking off, chances are the other half will save their good stories and such until they get back.

In addition, when it comes to ladies on double dates or in large prom groups, they might see going to the restroom as a good time to catch up with each other and how they think their dates are going. Maybe say what they think of each other's dates.  Just like men enjoy the play-by-play in sports, ladies enjoy a play-by-play on dates, but it's very rude to do it right in front of the guy.

Number 6:

Why Are Women's Public Restrooms so Gross?

Women are traditionally brought up to hate dirt and germs. The thing about this upbringing is that it's kind of intended to encourage women to clean, since in the past, that was a woman's job. If you instill fear and hatred of filth in a woman, the thought went, she would get upset about dirty counters long before her man would, and automatically clean it up before he had to give the order.

As we all know, fear triggers a "fight or flight" response, equipping you to either fight the danger, or flee it. If a classically-raised woman runs into a nasty poo-encrusted toilet, she suddenly gets the visceral urge to either clean it or run away. If it's in her own house, she's got no choice but to clean it, at least eventually (or ask someone else to). If it's in McDonald's, she will pee hovering over the seat with her breath held, fling her toilet tissue in the general direction of the toilet and run like the wind.

Number 5:

Why Do Girls Take so Long to Get Ready?

Again, there's probably a bunch of things that cause this. Some girls probably actually do want to make a man wait in order to play hard-to-get.  A more innocent answer could be that she's trying on clothes.  As you probably know, women usually like to wear new outfits to special events. While most women aren't wasteful enough to buy a new dress every time, she's probably going to want to combine the dress with a different pair of shoes or a different shawl.  So she's got a really awesome new outfit combo planned for the big day.

The downside of a new and exciting outfit is that it's an untested outfit, which means that even though those boots theoretically should have gone with that skirt for a smart, modern combo, once you put it on, apparently you look like a goth.  It's bizarre.

Then you swear and start grabbing other pieces that you think will fix this, which as you can imagine, consumes a lot of time, since a lot of nice going-out clothes are both flimsy and tight, so getting in and out without tearing them is an ordeal.

Obviously, the logical solution is to test the outfit ahead of time, which some women do. However, women, like all human beings, procrastinate, so this happens about as often as anyone actually studying for a test early or doing their homework before the last minute.

Number 4:

Why Are Women's Fashions so Complicated?

In general, men's fashions go along a one dimensional axis from casual to formal, like so:

And men just pick where on the line they need to be, depending on the situation. Sure, there are a lot of different styles (preppy, yuppie, Guido, skater, hipster, etc.), but most guys usually just go with one style, and move along a single axis in that style.

Women's fashions have multiple axes. For example in addition to casual and formal, there's also slutty and dowdy, like so:

And there's more than just those two axes. There's also a seasonal one, which I don't completely understand, but apparently a white purse is a summer purse and you're supposed to swap to a black one in the winter or something, or so I have gathered from my female friends.  The more fashionable you are, the more axes you have and that's why a simple decision like what to wear today can get so complicated for her.

Number 3:

Why Do Women Smell Nice?

A lot of guys think women try to smell nice on purpose, using perfume or other scents.  But only 36 percent of women wear perfume on a regular basis.  Since men seem to feel that more than 36 percent of women smell nice, another possibility is shampoo. Most men don't think of shampoo as a smell that lingers, since their hair is usually short. Women, who tend to have longer hair, basically have a bigger head-sponge to retain shampoo smell.

And finally, apparently guys would think women smelled nice even if they weren't using any product at all, due to pheromones or something. This was demonstrated in an experiment where men got to sniff clothes women had worn and could pass it off as doing their part for science.

Number 2:

Why Do Women Have so Many Shoes?

If you want to know why some women get really excited about shoes, I can't tell you. But regardless of whether women actually like shoes or not, the average woman has to have a fair amount of them, especially if they wear dresses.

I can wear the same brown Pumas all the damn time when I wear my everyday outfit with jeans, but the moment your lower wear (pants, dress, skirt, shorts, capris) changes, odds that your regular shoes will match are slim to none.


I mean, you can see something is wrong here, right guys?

You have to coordinate hemline with boot height; you have to make sure the styles match; and you have to make sure the colors don't look funny together.  To cover all your bases, you usually need a brown, black and white pair of shoes in each style (pumps, flats, sneakers, low boots, and high boots).  If you get any funky "cute" colors, they'll probably end up matching exactly one outfit.

Number 1:

Why Do Women Get so Upset About the Toilet Seat Thing?

A reasonable person only needs to fall into a toilet bowl once in order to hold a grudge about it. To avoid midnight toilet surprises, you want to agree on a default position, and one way to do that is logic.  Men need the toilet seat down for droppings, which is, say, 33 percent of their bathroom visits. Women need it down for both, uh, procedures.  So for a typical married couple, there's a 66 percent chance (133/200) the toilet seat needs to be down for any given visit. So if you look at you and your partner as a unit, where you both share the house and both of your needs matter, numbers seem to indicate that down is the best default position.

However, if you, as a man, are looking at your own needs alone, there's a 33 percent chance you'll need it down and a 66 percent chance you'll need it up, so it makes sense to leave it up by default. So deciding to go this way kind of says to the lady (intentionally or not) that she doesn't really factor into your decision.  So if you put up a fight about it, you're basically saying that she isn't worth the two seconds it takes to flip a lid up and then down.  My advice, keep the lid down.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM.  Portland, Oregon. January 8, 2014

Return to: Terry Boyd Blog

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