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The Terry Boyd's World
Lisa Engelman has cancer. Her son Luke created a lemonade stand to help his family pay for the treatments. Here is their story from KOIN.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dr. Kelly Brennan - every Wednesday at 11:15
Not many authors can claim to have forever changed their industry with one of their books. That is exactly what Dr. Gary Chapman did with The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. With the holidays fast approaching us, we often wonder what gift our significant other wants. We are mostly thinking about the tangible gifts but often it’s the gifts of the heart that matter more to our loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, tangible gifts are great but they don’t last forever. Gifts of the heart are forever.
Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how each other and themselves both give and receive love. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but to truly feel unloved because they don’t think the same about giving and receiving love.
Everybody generally has their own primary love languages for receiving love and giving love. It may be the same for giving/receiving, and it may be different. If a husband does not meet the primary love language of his wife, she might not sense his true feelings and start to be unsatisfied with their relationship.
Understanding your spouse’s love language and acting accordingly will fill their “Love Tank”. The “Love Tank” analogy is a great metaphor for describing how loved someone feels. Like a gas tank in a car, our lives run best when our Love Tank is filled and constantly being topped off. The alternative is running on fumes and burning out.
Meeting people’s primary love language consistently will fill up their love tank and help them feel loved like they need. But if a spouse fails to meet this primary love language, it might leave their “Love Tank” empty, which leads to feelings of being unloved and issues in relationships.
Below is a summary of Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages with three questions at the bottom to discern what is your primary love language:
What are the Five Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation
“If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”
2. Acts of Service
“If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.”
“This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.”
4. Quality Time
“This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.”
“Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.”
How to figure out your primary language:
Review of Chapman’s 5 Love Languages by Kevin Halloran / www.kevinhalloran.net/what-are-the-five-love-languages-summary
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show, AM 860 KPAM – Portland, Oregon. November 30, 2016
I see it every day. We all hold grudges against other people who we feel have hurt or offended us in some way or another. We even hold these grudges for people who aren’t even alive anymore. We do this with the false idea that somehow we are making them suffer by being hurt and angry with them. Now, there is nothing wrong with being angry with someone, but it is how we express this anger that makes all the difference on us and our relationships. What is a grudge anyway? It is harboring ill feelings toward another in the need to settle a score
Perhaps you’ve realized you have the same choice – and maybe it’s weighing heavily on your heart … creating angst and dread … causing you to consider cancelling altogether. I would encourage you to sit down at the table …
With the person who offended you. With the person who doesn’t see who you really are. Sit down at the table … With the person who can’t see past his or her own beliefs. With the person you find impossible to love.
Take a seat across from the person with whom you’ll most likely never see eye to eye. Bring extra patience and extra openness, if you must—but sit down at the table and take the following steps:
1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
2. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience. Extending love to someone with a differing opinion does not mean you are agreeing with her or forsaking your beliefs – it shows you’re committed to moving toward a positive future.
3. Extending love to someone who revealed an unbecoming side of himself doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten – it shows you’re willing to see his story and scars within.
4. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.
5. Extending love to someone who offended you does not mean you’re accepting such treatment – it means you realize you cannot thrive in a place of anger and resentment.
6. Extending love to someone who holds ill will towards you does not mean you don’t care – it means your life is not based on the opinions of others.
Sitting down at the table despite past hurts and current turmoil shows you’re willing to see what an open heart can do to mend wounds, break down barriers, and create positive change for yourself and future generations. It might be your only chance to acknowledge that yes, you’re coming from vastly different places, but where you want to go is virtually the same.
Sit down at the table. It might be your only chance to find out what the most unlikely, but truly extraordinary type of love tastes like.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show, AM 860 KPAM – Portland, Oregon. November 24, 2016
Is there a rift in your family that is ripping your loved ones apart? Whether the incident happened decades ago or just last week, do you really want to lose someone you love over it, especially with the holidays approaching? If you have not been able to forgive, forget or even speak to a relative because of a disagreement, consider these 7 tips from Dr. Phil:
1. Get to the root of what caused the rift.
Have you really uncovered what the issue is that has you fighting so bitterly? You can’t move forward until you get to the bottom of when and how it all began. For example, do you think you’re fighting over money — but really there is a decade of jealousy that needs to be addressed? Do you blame the problem on a new boyfriend, when in fact your sibling left you feeling betrayed long ago? Once you determine the true reason you’re fighting, it will be easier to start the healing process.
2. Step into the other person’s shoes.
“No matter how flat you make a pancake, it’s still got two sides,” says Dr. Phil. Try to see the other person’s side of the story and make an effort to understand why he acted the way he did. Try not to judge; instead, look at the situation from a bird’s eye view. Conversely, examine your role in the feud. Are you as innocent as you may claim? Ask yourself what you did to contribute to the problem. Did you do or say something hurtful? Did you promise something and then back out of your agreement — even if it was for a valid reason? Keep in mind the other person probably has some valid points that you need to weigh and consider.
3. Consider the effects on the rest of the family.
Are there other family members or children caught in the middle? Think of the unnecessary stress you may be putting on them. For example, if you are at odds with a sibling, imagine the impact it could have on your parents. Don’t they deserve the peace of mind that comes from knowing that their family is unified and intact? Or, if you’re at odds with your parents, how is that impacting your other siblings? It’s not all about you; you’re part of a larger family unit.
4. Choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice, Dr. Phil says. Don’t wait for a feeling of forgiveness to wash over you suddenly; you have to choose it. Holding onto a grudge will only eat you up inside and cause more family rifts. The only thing worse than not speaking to a family member for a year is not speaking to him for a year and one day. The past is over. The future hasn’t happened yet. The only time is right now.
5. Stand up and be the hero.
Sometimes, relationships need a hero — someone who makes the first move, chooses to be the bigger person, is willing to compromise, or step up and start the healing. Swallow your pride and be that person. Think about what the future holds if you do not mend this relationship. There comes a point where you have to stop blaming each other, you have to stop judging each other, and you have to say to yourself, “What can I do today to make this relationship better?”
6. Extend the olive branch.
Take responsibility for your actions and offer an apology. Explain why this relationship is important to you and affirm your love for the other person. Ask yourself, if your family member died suddenly, what would be left unsaid? In a perfect world, if you could write the script of your life, what would your relationship with that person be like? Start creating that relationship now.
7. Begin to heal the relationship.
Agree to spend some time together, but create boundaries by agreeing that you’re not allowed to bring up the source of the feud for at least 90 days. Take those 90 days to focus on reconnecting and rebuilding the relationship instead, even if it means you need to start with some superficial conversations while you both get back on solid footing with one another. Start talking about things that don’t matter, because if you can’t learn to talk about things that don’t matter, you’ll never be able to talk about things that do matter. After 90 days, examine the issue. Hopefully you’ll have found some middle ground, and the value of the relationship will be more important by then.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show, AM 860 KPAM – Portland, Oregon. November 16, 2016
By Donna Sapolin, Next Avenue Founding Editor
Until recently, I ran a virtual content operation. Everyone on the team — a few editors and a host of freelance writers — worked from their homes. The New York City-area editors met face-to-face once a week for group brainstorming sessions; others of us based elsewhere conferenced in by phone. Additionally, each day included phone & Skype calls, emails, instant messages and group document input. We kept in touch without feeling the need to keep tabs on one another.
There were plenty of clear goalposts and deadlines and our rapid-fire interactions were designed to meet them efficiently. Yet, the precise way of doing so was left up to the individual worker. I didn’t focus on how people organized their days or what extraneous personal activities they wove into them as long as the job got done and no one was left carrying another person’s burden.
Granted, this approach required excellent, highly trustworthy participants with keen time management skills. But it was also the very reason I sought to “go virtual” with the operation and take advantage of telecommuting options. I figured I could land the best and most experienced workers by not insisting that they work from one locale and by offering general flexibility, something I know is particularly valued by veterans and those juggling complex lives.
This way of working also helped reduce the risk of stress overload. Having too much to do and being constantly on call via electronic connectivity inhibits work success and can ultimately lead to burnout.
Although our medium-sized team’s way of working was not entirely glitch-free (nothing ever is) and required continuous refinement, it was quite effective. I came to believe that the typical corporate mentality — that we need to have lots of eyes on what we do and when we do it — can be a true impediment to creative work and business growth.
It’s Time to Play Hooky
Since many managers don’t see a way to integrate flexibility into staff jobs or think it’s a particularly good idea, I’d like to suggest that workers build it in themselves — by occasionally playing hooky. However, there’s one caveat: just as a truant student is generally the only one who misses out or is inconvenienced by skipping class, employees who play hooky must take care to protect others and the business from their “me time.”
By playing hooky I mean judiciously using traditional work hours on a single day to do enjoyable things that allow you to decompress, recover mental and physical well-being or deal with important personal tasks (like caregiving for a parent, seeing a doctor or dealing with a truly critical errand) that work prevents you from addressing. I’m not talking about shopping.
Playing hooky involves going beyond the official personal days, vacations and daily breaks (the one-hour lunch or 15-minute coffee break) granted by your company when these prove inadequate. For example, maybe four hours is what you need right now to accomplish personal tasks but your company doesn’t allow you half-days off. It could also mean taking extra-long lunch hours (not for business meetings unless you’re looking for a new job or side gig) or ducking out when there’s no deadline at hand and afterwards making sure to take care of the work remaining on your plate.
It’s critical that you don’t play hooky often; this is about doing what’s necessary for your life, not slacking off. As for saying you were ill to account for your absence…. Nope! I’m not into lying and, remember, the goal is to go beyond codified sanctions.
How to Handle Your Boss and Colleagues
The benefits of a non-rigid schedule and a better work-life balance are well established. Next Avenue’s Assistant Managing Editor and Senior Work & Purpose Editor, Richard Eisenberg detailed the rewards of a 4-day workweek in this smart article. But, let me be clear: I’m not speaking about putting in 40 hours in fewer than five days. In fact, you may work, say, 55 hours over a five-day period. But you will have integrated rewarding downtime into it, thereby boosting your mental and physical energy and providing you with a much-improved attitude that can only help you tackle your responsibilities.
How should you deal with a boss or colleague who notes your absence and resents or objects to it? Of course, clear communication in advance of your time out is the ideal approach. But if that openness will likely lead to resistance (perhaps on the basis of principle alone), explainafter the fact that you had to address some personal issues and will do whatever it takes to make up the work. Learn from the response and modify your future approach accordingly. The bottom line for a hooky player: you must be an excellent and invaluable worker.
8 Ways to Gain From Playing Hooky
Before playing hooky, I suggest giving thought to what can truly ease your burdens and recharge both body and mind. Whatever activities you decide on, turn off your smartphone and put it away while doing them — checking emails and social media will only elevate your stress level.
Here are eight ideas for maximizing the benefits of short blasts of time away from work that have nothing to do with run-of-the-mill errands or caregiving tasks.
1. Catch up on rest. Most Americans are sleep-deprived, which wields a substantial negative impact on their health and performance in all areas of life. Recent research underscores the importance of rest to sustain the brain. Take a power nap during an extended lunch hour or include it among the activities you pursue during a larger chunk of time away from work.
2. Go for a long, leisurely walk outdoors. The goal here is not exercise, though fitness will be a great fringe benefit, of course. Walk with the intention of connecting mind to body and observing and appreciating the small details of your surroundings — sounds, scents, patterns and colors.
3. Take a short trip to a beautiful or interesting spot. Head for a state forest or urban park, a mountain or skyscraper rooftop, but consider taking a mode of transportation that doesn’t force you to contend with traffic — a train, for example. This would also allow you to read more than just a few pages of a book you love or meditate. When you get to your destination, focus on one spot rather than trying to cover a lot of ground in a rush.
4. Get a massage or facial. Are you sitting on an unused gift certificate because you haven’t been able to find the time to use it? Well, it’s a lot easier to land an appointment during work hours and a body treatment will go a long way toward ironing out those desk-job kinks and restoring some fire in the belly.
5. Engage in your favorite hobby or investigate a new one. It’s hard to squeeze what we most love doing into overly crammed days and even harder to dip our toes into something that may well turn into an abiding passion. So carve some time out to pop in on a class or to just do the thing that you already know makes you feel happy. Does knitting, glass blowing or woodworking grab you? Motorcycle racing or swing dancing? Well, what are you waiting for?
6. Sit in on a lecture, participate in a workshop or check out an online chat or video on a topic that fascinates you. This is a terrific way to escape a stuck-in-a-rut feeling and stimulate your brain. How about a lecture on the new black hole that’s just been discovered or an instructive online chat with the author of a hot new novel? Check out the offerings of community centers, bloggers, web-based media outlets that stage intriguing chats (such as Book Club Girl) and educational sites like the Khan Academy. But if the task requires sitting in front of a screen, use it only for the designated learning or conversation mission — no work, games or social media dipping allowed!
7. Meet up with a dear friend, child or grandchild. We all have people in our lives we care a great deal about but don’t get to see as much as we’d like to. So set a date and get together during a workday. You can choose to do one of the activities mentioned here or meet over a meal, but I recommend spending much more than an hour in one another’s company and really listening and sharing.
8. Go to a play or movie, an afternoon concert, a museum or a gallery. Such activities are often reserved for the weekend, if at all, but you already have too many things to do then, right? How about seeking a cultural high on a workday and avoiding the crowds?
I know that my suggestion that we all play more hooky is irreverent, but I think it’s important to stand up for yourself and do what you need to do to be a stronger, happier employee. If done smartly, with a concern for your colleagues in mind, you’ll end up boosting productivity and the bottom line.
Donna Sapolin is the Founding Editor of Next Avenue. Follow Donna on Twitter@stylestorymedia.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show, AM 860 KPAM – Portland, Oregon. November 09, 2016.
One of these is the best Halloween candy. One is the worst. (Spoilers: It's Necco Wafers) (Associated Press/File Photo)
It's one day until Halloween, the magical day where America's youth is set free like a plague of locusts over neighborhood streets in the search of candy -- sweet, sweet, candy.
Leading up to the holiday we've looked at the worst Halloween candies you ever gotten, and which ones are the favorites. So with the day nearly upon us -- it's time to put out a definitely ranking, which will quickly be torn to shreds by everyone who looks at it.
Didn't we rank these candies last year? (We sure did.) But now that we've all grown a year older and wiser, it's time to look deep into the candy (and ourselves) to truly evaluate Halloween greatness.
I'm using the same judging criteria as last year:
This is a ranking of the 10 best and 10 worst candies to give out on Halloween, graded by how awesome/not awesome they are to be received as a trick-or-treater. This is important stuff.
I'm ranking these independent of size, and assuming they're all fun-sized. (I'm not counting full-size candy bars, since that would be like ranking your favorite zoo animals and including dragons and unicorns. Full-size candy on Halloween is borderline fiction.)
So now, here's the list, starting with candies that have been removed from the bottom 10:
The Bottom 10
OUT: Candy Corn - This is my hottest take: I like candy corn, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. At this point last year, I'd just finished reviewing 11 types of candy corn-esque products and hated it. This year, I've acknowledged that candy corn has a nice sweetness and a good chewy textures. This is where I make my candy stand.
Dishonorable mentions: Starlight mints, Wax Lips, Hershey Kisses with Almonds, any lollipop
10. Fireballs - I will never understand the appeal of hot cinnamon candies.
9. Jolly Ranchers - Under normal circumstances, Jolly Ranchers are fine. But as a Halloween candy, they're such a buzzkill.
8. Smarties (Down 2) - Smarties would be fine as an occasional changeup that's find to eat. However, every trick-or-treat bag in America this weekend will contain approximately 800 packages of Smarties.
7. Dubble Bubble/Any type of gum - Don't give out gum. You can't eat gum. Don't break the rhythm.
6. Dum Dums (Up 2) - Dum Dums are a waste of space in a candy bag. They're not terrible, but usually get tossed aside. They're effectively candy white space. Everything below this is worse than nothing.
5. Twizzlers (Up 4) - I've had it with Twizzlers. They're hard, and you have to gnaw on them. Plus, they're terrible and are surprisingly bad for you considering how it doesn't taste that sweet.
4. Dots - The candy is stuck to the paper. Intentionally.
3. Whoppers - Chocolate is great. Malt chocolate takes a great thing and makes it awful. It does to chocolate what Bobby Valentine does to a baseball team.
2. Bit O' Honey - I'm pretty sure that more Bit O' Honeys end up stuck to carpets across America than inside the stomachs of trick-or-treaters.
1. Necco Wafers - Necco Wafers are poorly designed chalk. They're dusty circles of melancholy laced with the warped psychoses of the indignant individuals that consider them fit for human consumption.
Handing out Necco Wafers should be considered a declaration of war against your neighbors that demand reciprocation in the form of borrowing a lawnmower and never giving it back.
Now the top 10, starting with the three candies that have been removed from contention.
The Top 10
OUT: Butterfinger - A solid, but flawed candy. It lacks upside and identity.
OUT: Milk Duds - I like Milk Duds. I don't know what I was thinking when I put them in the top 10. They're good with a nice bit of caramel, but hard to chew. Did I even eat candy last year?
OUT: Tootsie Fruit Rolls - Seriously, who let me write this list last year? Was my mouth broken? Let's get this thing fixed.
Honorable Mentions: Milky Way, Airheads, M&Ms, 3 Musketeers, Lifesaver Gummies, Crunch Bar
10. Starburst (New) - Apparently the most popular Halloween candy in Massachusetts, Starburst is a solid contender for top fruit-based candy.
9. 100 Grand (New) - The biggest dark horse contender for candy greatness. The 100 Grand bar doesn't get enough exposure. But when you get one in your bag, it never disappoints.
8. Peanut M&Ms (New) - The No. 1 M&M on the marketdeserves a spot on this list. They're delicious, easy to eat and present a refreshing change in texture and nuttiness from everything else in the bag.
7. Twix - Caramel, chocolate, cookie, cool shape: No other candy can fill the role of a Twix.
6. Baby Ruth (Down 4) - Great candy, but doesn't have quite the same authority as a Snickers. The nuts play well, but not as balanced. Upon review, it's a little too flawed to be in the top five.
5. Skittles - Taste the rainbow. Taste it.
4. Take 5 - Complete five-tool candy player. It's the only candy to go for the salty/sweet flavor combination. Sea salt chocolate's pretty popular now. But when this first came out, it was a pioneer in the concept.
3. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - The ultimate embodiment of that beautiful chocolate-peanut butter pairing. Bright, inviting and ever-popular, PB Cups are a huge part of the trick-or-treat engine.
2. Snickers - The most consistent candy on the list. Snickers are clutch. They hit all the right notes. They crush that caramel/nougat/peanut/chocolate combo. It's classic. However, peanut allergies make it tricky. You know what doesn't?
1. Kit-Kat - The ultimate Halloween candy, Kit-Kats fit the candy-binge mentality that comes with trick-or-treating. It's got that great crunch and flavor, but doesn't slow you down like the heavier chocolate bars. The best part? You're less likely to have had a Kit-Kat recently than other items on the list, especially Snickers and Peanut Butter Cups. Embrace the break and have fun with the Kit-Kat. You know you've missed it.
Now the question is do you give out the best or worst candy for Halloween?
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show, AM 860 KPAM – Portland, Oregon. October 26, 2016
As the father of three teenage boys, I’m trying to teach them to uphold the dignity of women in the way they talk and act, and surprisingly, this presidential election is giving us a lot to talk about. I have no intentions of making a political statement, and I’m not writing this to demonize Donald Trump, but as a parent, his response to the sexually abusive leaked audio is, perhaps, one of the most troubling events in this whole election season. Why?
Because downgrading and accommodating the objectification of women as “locker room” banter and “just words” is beyond dangerous. And my boys are watching. In response to the past week’s events, this is what I want my three teenage sons to know about locker room talk. I hope they take it to heart above the example of the GOP presidential hopeful.
1. Words matter
Words are never just words. Words are powerful beyond your imagination. They have the potential to start and end wars, provide healing, make and break agreements, expose the darkness and change lives. Words are never just limp letters hanging in the air. They are power. They are control. They are alive. You can’t shrug off your words as unimportant or superfluous. They matter. They’re part of you.
2. Your location is never permission for objectifying women
The whole concept of “locker room” talk is based on a lie. A lie that says it’s OK to talk about women in lewd and sexual ways because this specific geographic location is a free zone. What’s said in there doesn’t count and is permissible because, Hey, it’s just the guys! Wrong. Your location is never an excuse for denigrating women or sexually objectifying them for your amusement.
3. Private conversations reveal inner character
What you say, think, and do in private is the manifestation of your character. You can’t pretend like your words aren’t intertwined with your heart; because they are. Completely. What you say behind closed doors, on a bus or in the quiet of your room is who you are. You are not the person you manufacture on social media or in public. You are the sum of your words and actions in private. Remember this. It will serve you well.
4. Real men uphold the dignity of women
If you’re ever confused about where the line is for locker room talk–this is it. This is the litmus test: Would you say it about your mom or sister? Would you want to hear other men talk about your mom, sister or daughter that way? If the answer is heck-to-the-no! then say something. Hold yourself and those around you to a higher standard than culture sets. That’s how you shed light in the darkness.
5. Listening to locker room talk is the same as consent
Know this: You’re one of the good guys. When you hear friends talking about women in sexually-charged and abusive ways–say something and call it out. Be brave. I don’t want you to fight, but if you ever get mixed up in a scuffle for standing up for what’s right, we’ll, let’s just say that’s a freebie. But protect your teeth–those braces were not cheap!
6. There will be men in leadership who let you down
Right now you’re watching one of the top two candidates for the most powerful office in the world get it wrong. But that doesn’t make it right. And if I’m honest, there are times I’ve gotten it wrong too. And probably times I’ll fail in the future. That’s not an excuse for you. You will have bosses, teachers, even friends and family members who blow it in this area.
In closing, I want you to know that you won’t be perfect. Chances are you will say something stupid or go along with the crowd at some point, but I pray you have the wisdom and humility to call yourself out. There is forgiveness. One time doesn’t make you a jerk, but a consistent and continual manifestation of denigrating women does.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. October 12, 2016
October 5 is “National Do Something Nice Day.” Yes, we should try to do nice things daily. However, on this Monday it’s especially important to go out of our way to do something nice. And, seeing as you spend at least forty hours each week with co-workers, we recommend doing something extra special for them. Not sure what to do? Don’t worry because in honor of YOU we’re sharing a few ideas for how you can do something nice for those you work with.
Many offices bring cake for birthdays, cookies for the holidays or cater a delicious lunch to celebrate a special work related anniversary. Wouldn’t it be nice to show up to the office today with a special treat to share with the entire office?
2) Make Someone’s Day
Isn’t it nice when someone pays you a compliment? Think of at least one compliment to pay each co-worker you come in contact with today. Tell someone you really appreciated their help on an especially difficult project, let someone know you value their opinion, compliment a new haircut, praise a co-worker’s dedication. The key, be thoughtful and sincere when paying compliments.
3) Offer a Hand
Helping someone out is always a nice thing to do. Offer a ride, share insight, take on a little extra work to alleviate a colleagues to-do list or simply take time to listen. Don’t take on more than you can handle, even a little help goes a long way!
It’s easy to share a smile with the people you come into contact with. And, smiles are contagious! Make a conscious effort to smile throughout the day. Your good mood will certainly improve the mood of others. Who doesn’t like being smiled at? Check out additional tips for maintaining a positive attitude at work here.
5) Share a Secret
We are not suggesting you gossip. Quite the opposite actually! Everyone has a favorite app, a secret strategy, you get the idea. Don’t keep your juicy secrets for being the best you at work. Tell your co-workers how you’re able to remain stress free, even during the busy season. Maybe your colleagues will share some of their best-kept-secrets with you.
6) Make Someone Laugh
“Laughter is the best medicine” so why not make someone laugh today!? That would be really nice of you.
7) Add a Friendly Salutation To Emails
How many emails do you send a day? Think of all the people you can do something nice for simply by freshening up your email salutation. Some recommendations:
Here are some of the ways to celebrate “National Do Something Nice Day.”, How are you going to be nice to someone today?
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, 9:00am-12:00pm, Portland Oregon. Wednesday - October 05, 2016
We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.
No. 185: "Business casual": Easy for you, but bewildering for us.
Amy Keller, 27, Chicago
What makes our skin crawl: cell phone holsters, crocs (really?), and when you leave your stupid bluetooth earpiece in 24/7.
Kelly Greene, 35, San Diego
We love hearing about your family. Even when it's boring, it's good to know you think about them.
Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts
We appreciate when you keep your condoms within close reach from the bed so we don't spend ten minutes waiting naked while you search the other end of the apartment.
Sarah Knowles, 29, Brooklyn
We kind of wish we could chest-bump, too.
Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville
Sometimes we want to be treated like a princess. Sometimes, we want to be treated like a sex object. It's up to you to figure out which of these we want to be at any given moment, because we certainly aren't going to tell you.
Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago
Not all of us envy the whole peeing-while-standing thing. Seems messy.
Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco
If you meet us at a bar, please don't say, "I'd like to see you without your glasses." We could go blind, you know.
Amanda Bullock, 26, Detroit
Be careful: singing to us can be totally cute. But only if you can actually sing.
Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville
When we say "He was so great in the delivery room!" we are actually just happy that you didn't faint, gag or run screaming out the door.
Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania
We will be jealous of any picture of you and another girl on Facebook. It doesn't matter who she is.
Mallory Farmer, 23, Boston
We think saying "ladies" at the end of any statement or question makes it kind of creepy.
Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California
If we make it through an entire first date without seeing what color your iPhone case is, well, we just might fall in love.
Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn
If that piece of clothing does indeed make us look fat, simply say, "It's nice, but you don't look comfortable in it." Most of the time, it's true.
Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco
You cleaning your apartment is somehow incredibly sexy. Weird but true.
Amy Keller, 27, Chicago
It's cute when you don't quite know how to dress, so long as your not knowing doesn't involve jean shorts or a fanny pack. We can only handle so much eyestrain.
Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina
It doesn't matter what your chosen profession is, as long as you love what you do and do it with passion, and it's legal and it doesn't involve being in a production of the Lord of the Dance.
Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania
We like it when you lend your favorite books to us. For several reasons.
Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville
You'll lose points every time you use the word "pussy."
Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York
When we ask you how we look, you lose points every time you answer with "fine."
Dani Ruiz, 21, Encinitas, California
Some of us wouldn't mind if you bought us a good lap dance every once in a while. Just saying.
Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn
It's not that we like the flowers themselves, it's that the flowers mean you're thinking about us. And we love that.
Sherri Pitts, 43, Chino Hills, California
When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.
Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California
We do want romance, but we don't want you to do these things because we intstruct you to. We want you to come by them naturally.
Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago
We love it when you're in the mood, but we don't love it when you grind up against us while we brush our teeth.
Amy Keller, 27, Chicago
We get to pick the baby's name. And it's not going to be your mother's maiden name. McCullen is a terrible name for a baby.
Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville
Even the slightest idea of fashion can be very attractive.
Kourtney Cole, 22, Chino Hills, California
We don't actually wear matching bras and panties all the time. Shocking, we know.
Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco
Hair starts growing in funny places when we turn fifty. Not much we can do about it.
Marie Mackler, 58, Takoma Park, Maryland
The most important error most of you make when trying to figure us out is in thinking of us as mysterious, unknowable creatures who adhere to some cabalistic set of Girl Rules.
Anne Harding, 23, Wilmington, Delaware
In the age long quest of men and women, here are some perils of wisdom from women to help men better understand women. Maybe not.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. September 28, 2016
A friend just called because she was so creeped out. She goes over to her brother's house on her lunch break from work to drop off a Hefty bag of 'hand-me-up' clothes from her kids to his. She used the key he gave her to get in, like she has a million times before. I'll let her take it from here:
"I go in and I hear my brother's voice upstairs so I yell 'It's just me with some clothes for the kids' and I hear weird shuffling noises and then giggling and I'm like, what? So he comes trampling down the stairs with this goofy grin and behind him is his ex-wife: my ex-sister-in-law who he hates more than any other human being on this planet. You know this because I complain all the time to you how he complains all the time to me about her. But there they are, all laughing like they're in high school. Needless to say I dropped the bag and ran out."
You see it on TV all the time – a divorced couple hopping into the sack for some afternoon delight . There's even a song devoted to divorce sexfrom the television show "Cougar Town," with the line: "It's the best….but you'll regret….sex with your ex….."
1. Nobody talks about it but everybody's doing it
My friend's call got me thinking about all the tales of divorce sex I've heard. Despite how common it is, I had a hard time finding much research done on divorcing and divorced couples getting that final hook up. There's a lot out there about dating after a divorce (something I'll tackle soon, OMG!!) But there isn't much exploration of that dirty little window of time between separation and divorce or just after your divorce when for lots of all-too-human reasons a lot of people fall back onto the backs, into old, familiar positions, back into old, comforting sexual routines with their exes.
I suspect the lack of public conversation is because most folks don't want to talk about it. They just want to do it. The secrecy, the absurdity, the naughtiness is what makes it so hot! Luckily, people tell me stuff. So gathering all of my expert investigative reporting skills I have discovered certain patterns that emerge in ex-sex that I think are worth noting.
2. Be careful what you wish for
In Chicago, we call this "The Nooner." A hot quickie at the lunch hour. For public officials, it's fine. For vulnerable ex-spouses, it's dangerous.
As in the case of my friend's brother and his ex, this sex has a fairly predictable lifespan. You've got two people who have a tremendous amount of energy and chemistry between them that looks and feels like hate.
They trash talk each other endlessly to anyone who will listen (alas, most often the kids) and seem stuck in the white-hot heat and intensity of divorce in its earliest and meanest phase. OF COURSE THE SEX IS TOTALLY HOT!!!! Basically, you've got two adolescents rampaging on the hormonally adolescent-like fumes of grief, rage, relief, terror and revenge. It can happen once and flame out. Or it can sizzle for a while, until it crashes. Both ways end badly. You can't sustain it. All the old wounds and rawness and resentments come tumbling out from under the sheets with you. Usually one person (the woman) has harbored some tiny fantasy that you might, despite it all, be able to get back together now that the sex is hot and when that inevitably doesn't happen, and things inevitably get ugly again, it hurts all the more. Again.
3. Exes with Benefits ("Have you lost weight?")
Another incredibly common way to go. You just separated and now that you're not living together things are so much calmer and nicer between you. The pressure is off. You're not fighting. The little snipes and snarks are gone. He's coming by the house to change light bulbs and walk the dog. He seems like the guy you fell in love with. He lights up when he sees you.
You've gotten some me-time, taking care of yourself, got that haircut, started working out. You both look the best you have in years because you're both figuring you've got to get back in shape if you're going to get any action in the, gasp, dating world. So the edges are smoothed out. You guys start going out for coffee to 'talk about the kids.' It's such a relief to sit down with someone familiar, someone who knows you so well, who seems to be his best self. I mean, he's the father of your beautiful children.
Since you're getting along so well and look so good, you're both wondering if splitting was a mistake. What if……..
He drops the kids off late. They go to sleep. Or they're in college but he finds a reason to drop by at an oddly late hour. He says: "I just have to tell you. You look great. Really, great. Have you lost weight?" You say: "Want a quick drink?"
(Warning: I know one couple who went from Divorced with Benefits back to living together. According to the wife, the sex soured within a couple of months. All the old baggage moved back in with them and you can name that tune. I am sure, though, there must be couples who have resurrected their marriages from this state into something excellent.)
4. The Mount Everest Theory of Divorce Sex: You have it because it's there (and you fear you may never have sex with anybody else ever again)
This is for the practical couple who are used to an active sex life despite having a lousy marriage. It's available. It's easy. It's predictable. It's there. Like pizza – even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. This seems harmless but it if goes on for too long and you all don't decide to get back together, you will remain stuck in sexual limbo and it won't be good for either of you. How long is too long? I have no idea. I figure it's like Justice Potter Stewart said about hard-core pornography. You'll know it when you see it.
5. The Long Goodbye
The Long Goodbye ex-sex is really a way to grieve, heal and say goodbye together when you both know it's over. This is not the white-hot sex of rage. It's the tender, treasuring, precious sex of intimacy and sadness. You trust each other and love each other but you know it will never work. But this allows you to make sure. Some people make it back together. I suspect most do not, but I'm saying that out of anecdotal evidence and nothing scientific at all.
You wish it could get you back together and the afternoons together are a loving but melancholy grasping for something you both know is already lost. If you can hang on to this trust and tenderness, take it out of the bedroom (or bathroom or back seat of the car) you two will be spectacular co-parents and partners in a whole new way.
No matter how, why, when and where you're doing it with your ex, my advice: Keep your eyes wide open.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. September 21, 2016
OK. I hope you are not offended. There is some humor in this, but also an underlying truth.
To fart, or not to fart; that is the question. It’s like the sexual progression: first touch, the first hug, the first kiss, the first “making out” and the first “going all the way.” Maybe the question of when and where to fart, if ever, is similar.
In my 3 decades as a clinical therapist, I never recall the “farting issue” emerge; directly that is.
But, I know it’s an issue – an issue with questions and markers.
• What holds me back from farting in front of my significant other?
• Why do I want to fart in front of my significant other?
• Do girls (women,) especially “classy” girls, really fart?
• Do only gross uncouth men fart in front of their other?
I did a Google search and there was only one credible research article on farting and relationships. The idea of farting, even the word “fart” is rather taboo. It’s not quite as bad as the word “shit” however: but taboo enough that we don’t usually talk about it.
Let’s take a look at reasons why farting in front of your spouse might help the relationship.
1. Some farts are endearing.
I remember the scene in “Good Will Hunting” where Robin Williams (the shrink) is talking to Matt Damon about his deceased wife. His most endearing and “warm” memory: of her rolling over and farting while sleeping.
2. Feeling free to fart in front of our significant other may mean the relationship is marked by a great deal of transparency.
You feel free to be “human” with each other. No secrets. (Do you suppose a person who feels free to fart in front of their S.O. is likely to have an affair?) Hmmmm interesting question.
3. It means acceptance.
If you can put up with the farting you can put up with a great deal. The relationship can go almost anywhere.
4. Farting in front of your significant other means you feel free to move beyond your roles.
You may even find yourselves discussing family roles and expectations that you bring to each other. You need not carry the burden of continually being prim and proper (within limits of course).
5. You can break out of your rigid rules of who you believe each should be.
You can test the boundaries and even be playful about it. Now, let’s be careful. A fart is more than passing gas. Much deeper meaning may reside in the fart. Farts may be angry, especially if in an enclosed area.
I remember during an in-service on my internship at Mayo clinic a psychiatrist described sitting down on the bedside of an elderly lady. The lady rolled over and ripped a nasty loud one. The psychiatrist reamed her out – interpreting the fart to be hostile.
Farting in front of your S.O. must be done with respect. No enclosed areas. Give warning.
And there are embarrassment farts (passive aggressive) that intend to embarrass your partner in front of family or friends (This is in contrast to the fart that just happens to squeak out unintentionally in a social setting). And finally there is the serious fart, in which the act of passing gas becomes an obsession and a frequent topic of conversation.
So, choose your farts carefully. I hope you don’t find this article distasteful (or smelly!). Sometimes I think we take ourselves (and our farts and other stuff) too seriously.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, September 13, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
If you have a child entering middle school or are already in middle school you know this can be a very difficult time for them. Life is changing and so are they. It can be a very confusing time for your child and yes, even for you as the parents.
However, there is something kind of idiosyncratic of sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. As your child progresses through middle school you’ll figured out how to make the most of their special qualities and you will probably discovered the following eight things about middle school kids:
1. They care more about the opinions of their peers than pretty much anything else.
This means they will sometimes do things that make no sense, like not turning in an assignment you know they worked hard on, because they just found out they will have to read it out loud in front of the class. Or refusing your offer of a chocolate milk, even though they love chocolate milk, because someone else is around who recently declared all chocolate milk to be babyish.
How to deal with it: See if you can make this quality work for you: Find the most confident kids in class, the ones everyone looks up to, and try to get them to take on a new project or help you lead the charge toward some endeavor you want everyone else on board for. If Josie the cool girl says she likes Shakespeare, others are more likely to follow. Also, know that socializing is a huge motivator for middle school kids. If you promise five minutes of talking time at the end of class in exchange for hard work the rest of the hour, you’re likely to get full cooperation.
2. They are horrified by what their bodies are doing.
For those of us who are well past adolescence, it’s easy to forget what it was like to deal with the constant betrayal that comes with a new body: There you are, going about your regular kid business, when one day your skin explodes with zits. Popping them turns out to make them even more noticeable. Or you’re sitting in third period, quietly suffering through some kid’s serious B.O. Escaping to fourth period, you discover the smell is there, too. After a quick check, you are struck with the devastating realization that the person with B.O. is YOU. Every couple of weeks, some new phenomenon introduces itself into the middle schooler’s physical life, threatening to destroy their social lives until high school graduation.
How to deal with it:Try not to call attention to their bodies; they would prefer that no one point out that their voices are changing, their feet are getting bigger, or worse, that they don’t seem to be growing at all. Also? If you’re trying to get a kid to do something public, like do a problem on the board or pass out a worksheet, and they really resist you? There’s probably a physical explanation, be it a boner, a suspected period leak, or the sudden discovery of a muffin top. If you get inexplicable resistance, back off. Don’t try to figure out the reason. Just move on to another kid. The one you let off the hook will be eternally grateful.
3. They trend toward hyperbole.
You say there’s a spider in the corner of a seventh grade classroom? Get ready for a wall-climbing, horror-movie-screaming, Armageddon-style wig-out. Did it just start snowing outside? Sit back and watch them all act like they never saw snow, complete with squeals and fist-pumps and fist-bumps and the whole gang rushing to the window! Wait — is someone crying in the bathroom at the dance? Observe as ten girls sprint through the gym, tugging each other’s arms, with faces that say this is the most important thing that has ever happened. Ever. Whether it’s due to limited life experience, hormones wreaking havoc on emotions, or the trying on of identities, young adolescents tend to exaggerate just a bit.
How to deal with it:Validate the real feelings behind these exaggerations while trying to re-frame their experiences in more realistic terms: “Yep, spiders can be scary. Let’s take care of this little guy so we can get back to work.” By describing problems in calm, rational language, you’re modeling the way a healthy person navigates life’s little surprises. And try to have a sense of humor: Instead of getting annoyed by this behavior, know that it will pass, and in a certain light, it’s actually kind of funny.
4. They are mortified by public praise.
Elementary school kids seem to delight in being recognized in front of their peers: Winning the perfect attendance award, student of the month, highest math score – all of these make them beam with pride. But pull a middle school kid up in front of his peers to wax poetic on his good qualities, and you’ll see that kid shrivel up like an old grape. I had a student once, a tough Bosnian guy who also happened to be a fantastic writer. One day while returning papers I called out, “If you want to see a really well written essay, take a look at Emir’s.” My thinking was that they would be all, Wow, if a cool guy like Emir writes well, then I want to do that, too. Nope! Emir looked at me like I just took his wallet. And for the rest of the year, he turned in crappy writing. It’s not that the praise was unwelcome, it was the public part he didn’t like. If I wanted him to keep writing well, I should have kept quiet about it.
How to deal with it:Definitely keep up the praise, but do it in private.
5. They can’t be trusted.
Just found out you’re pregnant and want to share it with a student you’re close to? Might as well put it in the morning announcements. Throwing a surprise party for another teacher and want to let your kids in on the secret? Consider the surprise ruined. Middle school kids may have every intention of keeping confidential information to themselves, but when an opportunity to share presents itself, they won’t be able to resist being the one who’s in the know. At this age, they don’t yet understand the consequences that can result from sharing something that’s not meant to be shared. What’s worse, they have a way of dropping all subtleties from the original message, so when you happen to say, “Mrs. Flowers’ class is a little more structured than mine,” it is passed on to Mrs. Flowers as “Ms. Gonzalez said you’re too strict.”
How to deal with it:Treat your middle school kids the same way you should treat the internet: Don’t share anything you aren’t willing to see broadcast in public.
6. They just now realized you are a human being. Wait…never mind.
As children move through Piaget’s stages of cognitive development, they go from being completely egocentric — perceiving themselves as the center of the universe — to being more aware of the existence of life outside their immediate surroundings. Right around age 11 or 12 is when people typically enter the final stage, formal operational, where they start to understand that others might experience the world differently than they do. But getting firmly into this stage takes time, and it’s a bumpy road. This means a couple of things: (1) They will be intensely interested in you, sometimes. They’ll ask all kinds of questions about your personal life, your family, the kind of food and music you like, and whether or not you cuss and drink outside of school hours. (2) Their awareness of other people’s needs is still patchy. On days when you’re not feeling well and ask them to just give you fifteen minutes of quiet at the end of a class period, they’ll agree, fully intending to help you out. Cut to five minutes later and your room is a fricking zoo.
How to deal with it:Enjoy the admiration and interest when you get it, but don’t be surprised if there are times when they forget you exist at all. That formal operational stage can be awfully slippery at first. And as for those super personal questions? Answer them within reason: In school you are a role model, a professional, and you are not their friend, so always give them the G-rated version of your life.
7. They are pulling away from their parents.
I can’t count the number of parents who told me their kids barely told them anything anymore, who said they had no idea what their kids’ school lives were like. Pulling away from parents is a normal part of adolescence. Although kids this age need adult guidance possibly more than at any other time in their lives, they have reached the point where their parents may be the last ones they’ll look to for it.
How to deal with it:As a trusted adult in their lives, you’re in a unique position to influence these kids and fill in the gaps that have been left by their self-imposed isolation from their own families, so remember to be the adult: Advise responsibly, model smart decision-making, and unless you suspect genuine abuse, avoid taking the child’s side over their parents’. You are in partnership with the student and their primary caregivers; be sure your students are always clear about that.
8. They are still kids.
One minute you’re having a deep philosophical discussion with them about the symbolism in a Robert Frost poem, they’re really getting it, and you can almost see them maturing right before your eyes. Ten minutes later they’re making armpit farts and asking if it’s okay to drink the water from the fish tank. And then there’s the wiggling — an almost unbearable amount of it, especially from the boys. The demonstrated maturity level of middle school kids is all over the map; changing from child to child and within each individual.
How to deal with it: Don’t expect mature behavior to last, and when childishness shows up, know that it’s normal – they are acting their age. Learn how to capitalize on it: Unlike high school kids, middle schoolers are much more enthusiastic about things like review games, and they are unbelievably willing to take a note to the office or hand out papers for you. The wiggling is normal, too — those bodies are growing like crazy, and with no more recess, there are few opportunities to burn off that energy. If you find that the wiggles are disrupting class, it’s a good sign that you haven’t built enough movement into your plans. Add that in and you should see more self-control when it’s absolutely necessary.
When people hear I have a middle school kid I often hear that this is a challenging time in a parent’s life. I can see how this can be challenging but learning the eights things about middle schools kids has made the journey better for all of us and I realize my kid is growing up. Welcome back to school!
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. Wednesday – September 07, 2016.
I recently talked to an old friend whose marriage is in crisis. His wife has been having an ongoing affair with her personal trainer at the gym. The aftermath of the affair is ripping their family apart. What she naively assumed would just be a “harmless fling” is now having immeasurably devastating consequences for her marriage and their children.
Infidelity destroys marriages. I see it every day. Typically, when we’re talking about “infidelity,” we’re referring only to a sexual affair. While sexual affairs might be the most destructive form of infidelity, there are many other ways people can be unfaithful in marriage. Smaller acts of “infidelity” often lead to a sexual affair. We need to safeguard our marriages from infidelity in ALL its forms.
The literal definition of infidelity is simply broken trust or broken loyalty. If you want to protect your marriage from all forms of infidelity, please avoid the following behaviors. Preventing all nine of these acts of broken loyalty and trust are a vital ways to safeguard your marriage.
The nine most common forms of infidelity are (in no particular order):
1. Giving your primary loyalty to someone or something other than your spouse.
If you are giving your primary loyalty to your parents ahead of your spouse, you’re actually committing an act of infidelity. If you’re more concerned with your friends than with your spouse, you’re essentially cheating. If you’re consistently giving your strongest loyalty to your career ahead of your spouse, you’re being unfaithful. If we could grasp this responsibility to give our first and best loyalty to our marriage, our marriages would instantly and dramatically improve.
2. Keeping secrets from your spouse.
In marriage, secrets are as dangerous as lies. Marriage MUST be built on a foundation of total transparency and trust. You must prioritize trust and transparency in the marriage ahead of your own personal privacy. Unless you’re planning a surprise party or hiding a holiday gift, there are no places for secrets in marriage. Anytime you’re having a conversation, making a purchase, sending a text message, doing an internet search or doing anything else you hope your spouse never finds out about, your secrecy is actually an act of infidelity.
3. Threatening divorce.
Divorce has become far too casual in our society. We assume that the moment the marriage becomes difficult, it must mean that we married the “wrong” person and need to start over again with someone new. When we threaten divorce, we’re breaking the sacred trust that makes a marriage work. We’re saying our vows don’t matter and our commitment is conditional on our feelings. View struggles in your marriage as an opportunity to work together to become stronger; not as an excuse to quit.
4. Emotional Affairs.
Emotional affairs often lead to sexual affairs, but they’re also an act of infidelity in themselves. They take place when we start secretly seeking the affection and attention of someone other than our spouse. They often begin innocently with a natural connection you share with someone at work (or wherever), but lines can be quickly crossed.
5. Refusing to admit fault or sincerely apologize.
When you refuse to admit fault, make excuses for your actions, blame your spouse instead of taking responsibility or fail to sincerely apologize, you’re committing an act of infidelity. Some of the most powerful and healing words in a marriage are, “I was wrong. I’m truly sorry. Please forgive me and give me the opportunity to rebuild the trust I’ve broken.”
6. Not showing up when your spouse needs you.
Your spouse should never have to face any struggle without your presence, your partnership and your support. When you said “I do” you were making a vow to be there for each other. To withhold your help or selectively choose your involvement based on your convenience is to communicate disloyalty to your spouse and to commit and act of infidelity. We show our love by showing up.
7. Trying to “win” an argument with your spouse.
This one might have caught you off guard. We all want to “win” an argument, right? What could be wrong with that? Well, in marriage, you can’t approach disagreements as something one person wins and the other loses. To try to win at your spouse’s expense is actually a form of broken trust and loyalty, because you’re on the same team. You will either win together or lose together. To take a win-lose mindset in marriage is to say you’re on different teams. You’re adversaries instead of partners. That’s a divorce mindset; not a marriage mindset.
8. Sexual Affairs.
Sexual affairs wreck marriages. This is probably what jumps to your mind when you hear the word “infidelity” because it’s the ultimate act of broken trust and loyalty. If you are starting down this road and beginning the toxic process of mentally justifying an affair, please stop! The pain it will cause is beyond what you can currently imagine.
Everyone enjoys some downtime, right? Whether at home or work, some time away from the daily grind is good for the soul. However, when it comes to the work environment, research shows that the majority of Americans have about nine days of unused vacation time at the end of the year. More interestingly, America is the only prosperous country that doesn’t have legally mandated paid vacation and holidays. In addition, there are those who pride themselves on the fact that they haven’t taken a vacation in years; I once worked at a company where a handful of people went three years (for one person, it was five) without one, stating that “work comes first.” Nods of approval seemed to suggest that that this was promotion-worthy, admirable behavior.
On the contrary, not taking a vacation can upset your physical and mental health. Here are several health benefits of taking a vacation that prove you should take them seriously.
1. Reduces stress
Sure, stress can help people get work done under pressure, but experts have noted that 80% of workers are stressed on the job, and 70% of their trips to a healthcare provider are because of stress-related conditions. But studies have shown that taking a vacation helps keep good health intact and prevents burnout.
2. Increases creativity
Taking a vacation boosts creativity—a change of pace allows people to see their everyday world differently. People clearer thinking as well as increased creatively after disconnecting from their work environment for a period of time (and no, a long lunch or 3-day weekend doesn’t count!)
3. Boosts emotional stability
Too much time at the office (whether you work long hours or refuse to take a vacation) can leave you feeling frustrated. Getting away from it all, however, can ward off the potential for inappropriate outbursts or “did I really say that to my colleague?” regrets.
4. Makes confidence soar
Many researchers have noted that people return from a vacation with renewed sense of self. They’re refreshed, and tend to approach projects with more vigor, opting to tackle them with gusto rather than settling for easy solutions. This is important in life outside of work as well.
5. Makes you smarter
An author for a New York Times article noted that the human body requires downtime, stating that when people ignore its natural cycle of alertness and fatigue (which come in 90 minute periods), they’re dismissing the body’s need to reboot. Small breaks are good, but longer getaways allow you to fully recharge, which improves mental alertness.
6. Improves low moods
Taking a break from deadlines and high-pressure environments fights stress. Altering your mind by taking a vacation can shift irritable, depressed or anxiety-ridden moods to ones that are more calm and relaxed.
7. Fights colds and infections
While it might sound too good to be true, getting away from it all helps keep your body healthy. It’s been proven that continual, or chronic, stress can gravely compromise bodily function. Even the genetic material in cells can become disrupted under too much stress. Also, you might find yourself prone to more accidents when you burn the candle at both ends. Taking a well-deserved vacation reduces stress and puts your body in a better position to fight infections.
8. Strengthens relationships
Time spent with a partner or family members during vacations allows you to bond with these people in ways that transcend the usual “how was your day?” discussions. Experts say that vacations in particular contribute to something called a “crescive bond” (which in sociological terms, means a “shared experience”). Simply put, many researchers have discovered that time together in the form of a vacation builds personal bonds and increases family connectedness.
9. You’ll save your company money
While it might sound strange that time away from work can help your company’s bottom line, there’s some truth to this claim. It’s been found that over-stressed employees may end up being out of work for long periods of time while tending to physical and mental health problems that arose from too much time on the job. Ironically, not taking a vacation may cost the company more money when it comes to the productivity that’s lost from absenteeism (not to mention health costs). Make a point of getting away. A week or two sure beats headaches, stomach cramps and an overall bad mood that could impede productivity (or worse).
10. You might be inspired in new ways
Exploring a new area might be just what you need to break away from your usual hobby and discover something different. For example, you may find that hiking inspires you to get involved in nature photography, or that heading overseas motivates you to blog regularly about travel tips. You never know where inspiration will come from, but it surely won’t be found while you’re engaged in the same environment and seeing the same faces for years without a vacation.
Time away from the usual routine need not be a grand money-depleting experience in Paris or Las Vegas; even the increasing popularity of “staycations” (in which people remain within their home state) can provide these mental and physical health benefits.
If you’re wondering if a vacation is good to take, remember these health benefits and live long!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, August 24, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
Who Invented Ice Cream?
History of the ice cream spans the period of thousand years, during which they managed to push the boundaries of technological knowledge, fashion and culinary finesse.
Ice cream timeline covers the entire span of the modern human civilization. They first appeared in ancient Persian Empire, traveled to Rome, China, received massive advancement in 10th century Middle East, returned to Renaissance Europe and from them conquered entire world. And that was just the beginning.
What ice cream do women and men prefer?
Twenty two per cent of 16 to 24 year olds regularly consume 500ml tubs of ice cream to themselves in one sitting, exclusive research for The Grocer reveals, versus 13% of the wider population. It will be no surprise that kids eat the most ice cream. But exclusive analysis of the occasions on which we consume ice cream shows that women have tucked in on 11.7 million more occasions than men in the past year.
Mintel has released new findings about the varying ice cream preferences of men and women. According to the Chicago-based market research firm, 63% men prefer plain ice cream flavors, such as chocolate or vanilla, while 74% of women look for those varieties featuring chocolate or candy bits.
Despite this marked split, each gender seems to enjoy the other’s preferred type of ice cream: 66% of women say they also seek out plain ice cream, and 53% of men eat enhanced flavors as well.
On the other hand, fruit flavors don’t fare too well for either men or women, with fewer than one in three respondents interested in fruit-flavored ice cream.
Fun Facts about Ice Cream:
Want to know how your favorite Bassetts Ice Cream flavor ranks in popularity? Check out the list below!
3. Mint Chocolate Chip
4. Cookies and Cream
5. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
6. Chocolate Peanut Butter
7. Chocolate Chip
10. Pralines & Cream
These flavors swap Oreo pieces and peanut butter swirls for less conventional tastes like bugs, oysters and cheddar cheese. If you're going to pack on the calories, you may as well widen your palate's horizons, right?
It's cheese flavored with pieces of spaghetti. There's no pasta sauce in the mix, but feel free to drizzle it on at your own risk.
Yup, you can eat your beer now. Apparently, the ice cream was an inebriated-inspired accident, so you know this stuff is gonna be good. Flavors include Honey IPA and Brown Ale Chip.
It's brunch in a cone: vanilla ice cream mixed with bits of nova lox, cream cheese and topped off with salt. Other flavors from the shop include pizza and chocolate-covered potato-chip fudge.
Flavors include Cockatiel and Parakeet. The cafe tells FoodBeast that the cockatiel flavor tastes like "the moment when you’re sleeping with your mouth open and your cockatiel runs over your face and gets its leg in your mouth."
The best part about cereal? Slurping down the leftover milk at the end. So Milk Bar created a soft serve ice cream out of it. We also hear it has the subtle hint of toasted corn flakes.
"Imagine a cheesecake made with cheddar cheese."
The bugs — said to taste like peanuts — are coated in brown sugar and milk chocolate, then mixed with vanilla ice cream. The cicadas' wings are used as a finishing garnish.
So the ingredients (vanilla ice cream with fudge covered rum and malt balls) don't classify this as an odd flavor — but you can't beat the name, which was inspired by a Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Alec Baldwin.
Namja Town, an indoor amusement park in Japan's Ikebukuro district, carries dozens of peculiar scoops, including beef tongue, shark fin and miso-ramen. But the oyster ice cream is supposed to be particularily pungent because of the actual oyster chunks mixed into the cream.
Women’s favorite ice cream to eat:
Dairy Queen – 41%
Cold Stone - 17%
Ben and Jerry’s – 11%
Haagen-Daze – 7%
Blue Bell – 7%
Baskin Robbins – 6%
Magnum Ice Cream – 4%
Skinny Cow – 3%
Walmart Ice Cream – 2%
Starbucks Ice Cream – 2%
There you have it, the fun facts on ice cream, which flavors men and women like to eat, weird ice cream flavors and which ice cream brands are consumed the most. Ice Cream! We all scream for ice cream!
There are an infinite number of ways that we can express love to our children. Here are a few phrases that I've found are the best ones to use in our homes to uplift our children and strengthen our family ties.
1. "I love you."
Do not go a single day without letting your children hear these words come out of your mouth. Children feel safe knowing that you love them. Difficult days will come. There will be times when they make decisions that may not be the best. Make sure that they know, with certainty, that no matter what decisions they make, you will never stop loving them.
2. "You make me very happy."
This could not be more true! (And every mom and dad knows that no truth is more important.) Children are an inexhaustible source of happiness and love. It is so important that they know this! Don't wait until they graduate or get married to tell them - just do it today.
3. "You are very special."
It is extremely important that children understand from a young age that they are different, unique, and special. We all went to excel in some way. Set a goal to tell them every day that they are incomparable and the best thing that has ever happened to you.
4. "I like it when you..."
Everyone enjoys knowing what they do that makes other people happy - especially your children. Take the time to point out any positive aspect about their behavior, character, kindness, talents, funny ideas or school performance.
5. "I am grateful for you every day."
If you practice any faith, or if you pray on a regular basis, pray with your children and let them hear you thank God for having them in your life, and pray for their well-being. Also pray for their souls, especially when they are going through hard times.
6. "I believe in you/I trust you"
Our children will grow up feeling secure if they know that we trust and believe in them. Tell them that you trust them and respect their decisions.
7. "Are you able to/I know you can."
Children get easily discouraged when they are trying to do something and it doesn't work out after a couple of tries. As parents, we need to encourage them to keep trying, and let them know that we believe in them.
When you're tired and had a long day, it's easy to be tempted to say something that may harm your children. Remember, kids are a blessing, a miracle, and a light that can illuminate your life every day. Make them feel it and know it well. Every day.
You should never say the following to a child:
1. Why can’t you be like him?
Comparison is the worst thing you could do to your child. Statements like ‘he is much better than you’ and ‘why can’t you try to be like your brother’ hurt a child more than you can ever imagine. Every child has his own identity and wants to be different. Comparing his actions to others will only demotivate him and he would start seeing himself as someone else’s shadow.
2. Let your dad come home
Sometimes children make mistakes and behave in certain manners which you are not able to handle all by yourself. Then the only thing you can rely on is their fear. Telling him ‘I will tell your dad when he gets home’ may stop him for a while, but also brings your ability in the open. Moreover, if his dad is a very strict man and scolds him upon your behest, your child will always live with a sense of fear when he is around.
3. Don’t cry
Children need to cry, period. They are much softer from inside compared to adults and anything as small as a broken toy can start the tear fall. When you see your child cry, it is always better to cuddle and console him, than asking to stop crying point blank. Put yourself in his shoes and you will understand what he must be going through at that particular moment.
4. You are a loser
The last thing a child wants to hear from his parents is that he is a loser. Children take their time to accomplish things and they might not be perfect at it. They learn with time and continuous efforts. Judging them too soon can hamper their motivation and they might lose trust in themselves forever.
5. Don’t disturb me
Being a parent and managing a home is never an easy task. We understand that there are so many things on your daily register that you need to check in a limited window of time. Doing it at the cost of ignoring your child is not recommendable. Your child depends upon you for almost everything he does, so turning him down will end up making him feel unimportant in your life.
6. I don’t care
Children live in their own world and have their own set of problems. When they bring it up to you, telling them that you don’t care for it does not go down well with them. It can really break their heart considering that they don’t have anyone else to take it up to. A 7.
7. Great job
Though every child will be delighted to hear ‘great job’ from his parents, it’s not always as good as it sounds. A big rewarding statement should be reserved for real big efforts. Rewarding a child with ‘great job’ every now and then will only increase his expectation to hear it every time he accomplishes something, no matter how menial or irrelevant. While it is important to appreciate his efforts, choosing the right words is equally important and can make a big difference.
Being careful in dealing with your child can not only lead to a great relationship but also produce very optimistic results.Observe what your child requires from you and just be there to help him out. Remember that you are your child’s first hope and they expect too much from you. And it does not take much to live up to their expectations once you know how to deal with them.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. August 10,, 2016
Men and women are constantly being compared to each other as if they are meant to be the same. Nothing could be more wrong! Men and women are meant to be different. Everyone know that magnets have a positive (+) and a negative (-) side. If you want to place two magnets together placing the same sides of the magnets together (positive to positive or negative to negative sides) causes the magnets to repel each other. If you place the positive (+) and the negative (-) sides together causes the magnets to bind to each other causing a strong bond. Men and women are like magnets, they are different from each other but needed to bond to each other. We need to celebrate the differences of men and women rather than shame either gender to be like or become like the other. Here are some of the ways men and women differ from each other:
1. It takes 1 hour for a woman to determine whether or not she wants to date a man again. A man decides in 15 minutes.
2. Studies show that before a man even speaks a word, the way he stands, whether he is slouching or not, counts for over 80% of woman’s first impression.
3. A woman spends an average of 2 years of her life time looking at herself in the mirror. A man spends 6 months.
4. Women tend to prefer solving problems through emotions while men through actions.
5. In men, the dominant perceptual sense is vision, which is typically not the case with women. All of a woman’s senses are, in some respects, more finely tuned than those of a man.
6. Psychology says, men tend to forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget.
7. Research has confirmed that women are more attracted to men who wear pheromone-based colognes or aftershaves such as 10 times.
8. Studies show that men are more attracted to women wearing red whereas women are attracted to men in blue.
9. The average woman smiles 62 times a day. The average man smiles only 8 times.
10. Men would traditionally walk with a woman on his left arm, so his right hand could be free for his sword in case of a duel.
11. When a woman is interested and or attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal.
12. Forty two percent of men and twenty five percent of women don’t wash their hands after using a public toilet.
13. Men get more ulcers. Women get more migraine headaches.
14. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
15. The average woman shaves 412 square inches of skin on her body. The average man: 48.
16. About two thirds of all men’s clothing bought in the United States is purchased by women.
17. When a waitress draws a happy face on a check, tips go up 18%. When a waiter does, tips only increase 3%.
18. Men get hiccups more often than women. No one knows why.
19. Fifty-one percent of American men say TV remote controls have “significantly” increased their quality of life. Thirty-nine percent of women agree.
20. Men leave their hotel rooms cleaner than women do.
21. Men laugh longer, more loudly, and more often (69 times per day to 55 times for a woman) than women do.
22. Most common plastic surgery performed on American men: liposuction. Women: Breat implats.
23. Women cry on average between 30 and 64 times a year, while men cry between 6 and 17 times.
24. Men spend almost a year of their lives staring at women while women spend two months staring at men, a survey found.
25. For most of the men around the world, the preferred home activity is sex and for most of the women, it’s spending good times with family and children.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. August 03, 2016.
Many of the quaint rituals of dating in the 1950’s show common courtesy that is lacking today. Would you like to see any of these rules brought back?
Dating Etiquette for Girls
Dating Etiquette for Guys
But what is the 21st Century Dating Etiquette?
Today’s Dating Etiquette
Online dating is here to stay and is the new way of obtaining dates. So what dating etiquette for women and men should you be aware of before you start your adventure in the jungle of online dating? In case you are new to the online dating scene, you should make sure to learn about dating etiquette so you won't do anything you might regret in the future. Remember that etiquette is meant to be your friend, not your enemy.
Things to KNOW when dating someone online
1. First impressions matter
2. Devil's in the detail
3. There are plenty fish in the sea
4. Every move counts
5. Honesty is golden
6. Real dates are inevitable
7. How offline dating works
8. What to do when things turn serious
Modern Dating Etiquette You Should Know About to Improve Your Dating Skills and the Results of the Dates:
1. Your profile picture
Your adventure with online dating starts with your profile picture. It is just normal that you wish to have a picture that will stand out among the millions of other daters. Nonetheless, in order to follow the dating etiquette online, you have to make sure that the picture truly represents you.
It might also be a good idea to have a full body shot so that people will see what you really look like even if you think you don't look perfect. Let's not forget that self-confidence is one of women's biggest assets. While photos taken by pros work for this purpose, you shouldn't dismiss the oh-so-popular selfies either.
Take your time getting the best shot. A good profile picture does a lot more and is arguably much more important than anything written in your profile. A good picture, selfie, says a thousand words. Brush up on your photo editing skills and get the best angle you can. You want to set yourself up for success right from the opening of your profile. A girl with a sharp picture will get a lot more attention.
2. Focus on your profile
This section should be all about you, but you should make sure to describe yourself in an engaging way. As a tip for modern dating etiquette you could say you like to cook. However, this is quite plain so you might want to describe how you like to prepare your favorite meal.
This will make people more curious and it will offer them a more accurate picture of you. As a rule of thumb, you should forget about sarcasm. This is because in written text people might not know whether you're sarcastic or rude.
Don't leave any section untouched; the more information you provide the better.
In order to grab the right guy's attention, you want to be truthful in your profile about what you're looking for in a partner and what you can provide. Every little detail counts in the world of internet dating etiquette. Just make sure that you are thorough in your profile and specifically state that you are willing to answer any question of his before the first date.
3. Make the best of it
In the majority of the cases people pay for online dating so you should get your money's worth. There are some people who go on three dates per day. Although you might think that this isn't alright with the online dating etiquette and that it's just serial dating, you should be able to get a picture of what's out there.
The more people you "date", the better you know the playing field. You can be sure that most probably the people you date are doing the same so there is no reason for you to feel bad about it.
The best dating etiquette advice anyone can give you is to never give up. There are so many possibilities in life to spend your life with the right guy. The worst thing you can do is close off your heart and swear off love. You have many free resources available at your disposal. Dating site etiquette can be easy when you start to understand how it works. All you need is a little bit more experience in the field. Do research on what methods have worked for other people, talk to your friends about what worked for them, and apply your knowledge to all your future endeavors.
4. Making the move
When it comes to online chat etiquette, you should try to grab the attention of your partner. It is important to let them know that you actually read their profile. You could use phrases like "I noticed that", "you mention that" and so on. Refer to something that resonated with you based on their profile.
Try to avoid making physical compliments because they are cliches in the world or online dating. According to statistical data, the first message shouldn't be longer than 200 characters; the shorter messages seem to get the best response rates.
It's not just for guys
It's the 21st century! That means in this time of equality it's time for ladies to step up and start going after what they want. True date etiquette provides no set rules; everything is fair game in this dating market. Don't wait until it's too late to snatch a guy up that you've had your eyes set on. Sometimes, if you don't approach, then you won't get the quality guy you've been looking for all along. Don't build the pressure up in your mind; that will only make it more difficult for you to start talking to him.
5. Let them know what you want
If you're thinking about playing hard to get, online dating isn't a suitable play field for you. In case someone sends you a message, you shouldn't wait to respond because be the time you send your message, they might have run off into the sunset with someone else. When you are interested in someone, you should let them know immediately.
If you send a message and you don't get a reply for a week, it is alright to send them a follow-up email. If you don't get an answer after the second message, you should assume they're not interested and you should look for someone else.
If you don't let him know what you want, then how will he know? Unless guys have somehow gained ESP powers, it would be more reasonable for you to tell him what's on your mind. Telling the truth is the backbone of every new relationship. Telling the truth will be easier than lying, in the long run. By hiding the truth you are only hurting yourself and possibly sabotaging the relationship before it even begins.
6. Taking it to the real world
Like it or not, a time will come when you will have to meet the other in person. Professionals say that this should happen sooner rather than later. As one of the online etiquette rules, you should have a phone conversation after the first 2-3 messages. Give him your cell number, not your home number. See if you have any chemistry over the phone. If there is nothing, it is highly unlikely that there will be any chemistry in person. If there is, you could be thinking about the next step.
Real life versus online dating
Dating etiquette online is significantly different than dating protocol observed in real life situations. The transition can be a rough one for those who live for online dating not yet accustom to going on real dates. Whatever you do, don't be fooled by the imitators and fake profiles. Real world experiences are where it's at; this is how you will build up your dating experience and learn the rules of the game.
7. Go on a real date
What you consider the perfect first date entirely depends on you. Some might wish to go out for a coffee during the day. This is a good choice because it gives the date a time frame, since both of you will have to get back to work. Others might prefer a dinner. In this case there is more time and you will get a deeper sense of the other person's personality.
In case your date doesn't really look like the profile picture, you shouldn't run; just be polite and keep the date short. You will both know the truth so there is no reason putting it out there.
8. Is it getting serious?
There might be someone you have been dating for a while and you may ask yourself whether or not you have become exclusive. Until you actually have this conversation with him, you should assume that he is still out there, dating others. Although you may have given up on your profile, it's not sure he has done the same.
The best thing you could do at this point is be upfront about the relationship getting too serious. If he's not ready to stop you could tell him that you are, but if he's doing the same, you will continue dating as well, that is if it all works out — let's hope it does.
The rules of modern dating etiquette online
Today’s women and men are securing dates online. The truth is that the rules of modern dating etiquette online are quite flexible, but there are some aspects you shouldn't make any compromise on. Remember to always be true to yourself and don't pretend to be somebody else just so that a potential partner would like you more.
With men and women entering the dating world especially the 45+ year olds re-entering the dating world and seeing the lack of courtesy lacking today the questions seems to be should we bring back 1950’s dating rules or keep today’s dating rules? I don’t know. The 1950’s dating etiquette seems refreshing maybe incorporating them together might be the answer!
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. July 13, 2016.
We believe that sex is a beautiful, God-given desire that can bring a husband and wife together in oneness. We also believe sex is a thermometer that measures the depth of the relationship—its presence or absence often indicates the level of commitment and intimacy in other areas of your marriage.
For sex to be truly satisfying to both partners, each has to risk being totally open and vulnerable to the other. Each person in the marriage should feel needed, wanted, accepted and loved sacrificially. And one of the keys to building this type of relationship is understanding the general differences between men and women in how they view sex. These differences cause certain expectations on the part of men and women that often lead to misunderstanding, frustration, and disappointment.
The chart that follows is a general guide to the differences between men and women in this area. Obviously, this chart is not absolute comparison—it compares the general tendencies and differences between men and women and how they view sex.
Differences in Sexuality
Propagation of species
Propagation of oneness
How much of what you read in this chart is true of your own sexual relationship with your spouse? When we read through information like this, we are reminded of how God takes a man and woman with such different needs and uses those differences to complement each other—to create a "one flesh" relationship.
Most men tend to focus on the physical aspects of a relationship. They are stimulated, drawn, captivated by the sight of their wife. They get excited or at least interested quickly by visual or physical stimulation. Most men can be ready for physical intimacy in minutes. Once sexual release is in the forefront of his mind, it becomes dominant in his focus. Men at this point are ready to move ahead with the process of seeking sexual release through intercourse.
Generally, men put a much higher priority on sex than women do, and women have a different orientation that demands a different approach. A woman is more oriented to the relationship. A man wants physical oneness; the woman desires emotional oneness. Sight, smell, and the body stimulate a man. Touch, attitudes, actions, words, and the whole person stimulate the woman.
A man needs respect, admiration, to be needed physically, and respect. The woman needs understanding, love, to be needed emotionally, and time to warm up to the sexual act.
The man's sexual response is acyclical, which means any time, anywhere. The woman's response is cyclical, which means she goes through times when she is more interested in sex than others. A man responds sexually by getting excited quickly, while the woman is much slower. During sex, a man is single-minded, while his wife might be easily distracted wondering about the children, the doors, the noise outside, or other minor things going on around them.
The last major difference is the release or orgasm. Most of the time a man's sexual release will be relatively short, intense, and intensely physical. This should not trouble a wife; God made your husband this way. You see, this intensity was not meant to impede a relationship, but to enhance and strengthen it. One result of this powerful sexual release is a sense of closeness that a husband feels toward his wife. Even if he does not express it, God has put it in his very nature. He is drawn to his wife in a way that meets this most personal of needs.
Husbands will create conflict in a relationship when they focus on the physical side of sex and forget that the woman needs the relationship. And wives often fail to understand how a man's self-image is vitally linked to his sexuality. Many wives express that they are offended because their husbands are such sexual creatures. This attitude communicates rejection to a man. To ignore his sexual needs, to resist his initiation of sex, or merely to tolerate his advances is to tear at the heart of his self-esteem. We encourage you to pray together about your sexual relationship. Pray for yourselves, that you each will be selfless. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength to meet each other's needs. The Holy Spirit can guide you and lead you to be a better lover. Now you may say, "the Holy Spirit wants to help me be a better lover?" Absolutely!
Husbands, I would encourage you to pray aloud for your wife during the "afterglow"—after you have shared in love together. What finer moment than to say, "Lord Jesus, thank you for this woman you've given me. Thank you for what we have just enjoyed together, thank you for her, thank you for her love, and thank you for her trust in me as a man." That's got to make your wife feel nourished, cherished, and loved which is what this is all about.
Sexual response for you and your spouse is a learned experience. God wants you to learn together how to please each other and experience this incredible act of oneness that He reserved for marriage.
Even if you have been uninformed of the differences between men and women, and have experienced some pain as a result, God can and will redeem this aspect of your marriage as you seek Him and apply His truth to your lives. Commit yourselves to learn God's ways and plan for marriage and your sexual relationship.
Copyright 2003, by FamilyLife. All rights reserved. Portions of this article were adapted from Staying Close, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, 2003, Thomas Nelson Publishers.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. July 06, 2016.
We're all guilty of doing it — using our gender as an excuse to get away with specific behaviors. And most of the time, like when the girlfriend asks her boyfriend to fix something she is perfectly capable of solving on her own, we don't really mind that it's going on.
Especially in the context of relationships, there is a certain degree of old-fashioned ruling that both sexes willingly abide by. Sometimes playing into gender roles, no matter how un-politically correct it sounds, can actually be fulfilling to each partner.
For instance, if a woman needs a little help or extra assistance, it's sexy when the man steps in and voluntarily takes care of her, and it's equally as important to his masculinity that he can do these things for her. There will always be give-and-take in every relationship from both sides, that's how couples work. Regardless if you agree with it or not, women are able to do certain things that wouldn't be okay if men did them (and vice versa). And while this may sound troubling, it can also be quite empowering (at least to the dominant gender).
Here are the double standards of adult relationships in which the women can get away with a lot more than the men. Because, sometimes, life just isn't fair.
1. Making the guy come to the girl
Let me paint this picture for you: It's late and both parties involved are tired but want to spend the night together.
After some back and forth about who is going where, which partner ultimately decides to make the move? The guy. He's showing that he wants her, and for her to be comfortable, and he'll do whatever it takes to get there. She won't say no to that.
2. Teasing him about his outfit
Most men don't take fashion personally and, therefore, won't be offended when women harmlessly make fun of their outfit choices.
Women, on the other hand, fully believe that their wardrobe is an extension of who they are and, thus, they take their dressing pretty seriously. When a man teases her about her clothes, it is a very real and sensitive kind of insult. Men, please take note, those high-waisted shorts she's wearing are meant for flattery, not diaper comparison.
3. Being a terrible driver
We're not saying all women are bad drivers, but if a woman is, it's not a make-or-break quality. In fact, it legitimizes her excuse for not having to drive anywhere.
If he's a poor driver, it shatters every racecar (Ha! A palindrome!) fantasy she's ever going to have of him.
4. Never initiating
Especially in the beginning, when playing games is fairly common, women might feel too intimidated or needy if they are often the ones to reach out.
She wants you to be the gentleman and to express that you want her by asking her on a date. She won't text you first, but that's just because she expects you to. Once you're together, trust us, she'll return the favor.
5. Using the “I don't know” excuse
Girls like to play dumb for a variety of reasons: attention, laziness or manipulation. When she says she “doesn't know” how to build an IKEA table or how to use the remote control, it's most likely because she wants the guy to do it for her.
It might set us back a few feminist decades, but in some respects, it's actually used to our advantage. She knows what she's capable of, which also includes pretending she doesn't.
6. The period card
Also known as “the headache” in some older circles, the period excuse is one that is pretty self-explanatory. Beware the menstruation cycle that lasts longer than 10 days, though. That's usually a bad sign….
7. Tagging along with the boys
She's got her long-standing group of guys that she feels totally comfortable being with, and for the most part, he does too (or at least is really good at pretending he is).
The reverse is more unlikely to happen, however, as boys are generally less interested in hanging solely with the girls. Just another way we women are #winning.
8. Using sex as a tool
Deny a woman sex and she'll figure out other ways to satisfy herself. Deny a man sex and he'll be at your mercy, begging for it.
The bedroom battle isn't the most sophisticated way to get what you want, but it's definitely effective.
9. Feeling insecure
When a girl shows her vulnerability by admitting she's feeling a little insecure, she's really just expressing her need for her significant other to give her extra support. And if he's the man in her life, he'll want to show her that additional affection.
When the guy is feeling insecure, however, it can be a huge turnoff to the girl he's dating, especially when it escalates into a larger behavioral issue. A mildly insecure girl needs someone to depend on, but a mildly insecure guy needs to learn some independence.
10. Getting jealous
When a girl gets jealous, it can be written off as “cute” and “non-threatening” or even “flattering.” When a guy gets jealous, it's viewed as “unfounded” and “controlling.” Sorry guys, you can't win 'em all.
11. Faking it
This just comes down to the gender discrepancies in anatomy. Men who fake it and get away with it must be really, really good (or bad?) at what they're doing.
12. Not saying what she means
Women can be really hard to figure out, which is made even harder when we don't fully disclose how we're feeling.
Men are usually understanding and perceptive when she withholds her opinions from her partner. Women, however, will demand from her partner the entire truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth until it is finally revealed.
13. Playing the damsel in distress
To the horror of feminists everywhere, women do still act helpless in specific situations to attain what they want.
Men, on the other hand, are all too happy to oblige. And while it does come at a personal cost, she won't protest him lifting the heavy stuff and doing the dirty work for her.
14. Shopping sprees
Women can easily justify spending an exorbitant amount on any article of clothing, accessory and shoes. If the man splurges on new digs, he better have the cash and swagger to back it up.
15. Wanting too many things
She's going to occasionally act like a princess because enough Disney films have made her this way and told her she's worth it. And he'll go above and beyond for her because he genuinely feels good treating her that way.
It's not about placing high demands all the time, it's about indulging her every once in a while, and taking pleasure in that.
16. Flirting for a drink
She's not doing it to piss him off or make him jealous, she's simply doing it because she can and it's free. Guys, don't rant because you can't.
17. Forcing you to partake in a really girly activity
She's really good at convincing you to see the latest rom-com with her or go ice-skating or wear matching snuggies while holding hands and watching Bravo. But that's relationships and that's what it means to put someone else's needs above your own.
She just wants him there and by her side. Lucky for us girls, he doesn't feel the same way when it comes to fantasy football and poker night.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. June 29, 2016
It's a gorgeous day today and I should be in a sparking, dazzling mood, but I'm not. My kids are sick and I just want to nap, but I feel like there's a million and a half things to do. I can't get motivated to do them, so instead of doing anything productive, I decided to ask my husband for a topic to write about.
And lucky for me, he had one just ready at the snap of my wifely fingers. As he lounged on (my!) chair in the office, he ticked off the following list of things that all husbands hate about their wives or partners and asked that I so lovingly share it with all of you. You're welcome.
1. Every time you call yourself fat
No, really. It gets really, really old. All we think about is how beautiful you are, all of the time, and even when we tell you and mean it, you still brush us off. And you know what? That doesn't feel good and eventually, I kind of want to stop telling you anymore. Because you don't believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are. But you are, for the record, really beautiful.
2. How much pressure you put on yourself
You don't need to go to every single school event and you don't need to do everything for the kids.
I don't really know how to tell you this in a way that won't hurt your feelings, but you put so much pressure on yourself that doesn't need to be there. You don't need to go to every single school event and you don't need to do everything for the kids. You just don't.
3. How you think you need to be perfect 24/7
When have I ever really been grossed out by you? Think about it. I don't care if you stop shaving or smell bad or whatever. I really don't. Your period stuff does not bother me, I promise. I don't understand why you think you need to be perfect all of the time. It's OK to just be human, you know?
4. How you talk about people online like it's real life
I've seen you get genuinely worked up about something that someone said that you will never, ever meet and I try to understand it, but sometimes I wonder if you forget it's not always real life. I know there are a good parts to social media, but the bad parts are kind of scary.
5. How women are so competitive with each other
Sometimes I wonder why this happened? Did men create this world or did women? Is it nature or something else? Why do women do that thing where they are always silently competing with each other?
6. When you think you're never good enough
You do so much for our family and I am so grateful to you. I feel like you still have this vision in your head that you don't live up to. It feels like no matter how many times I tell you, you still think you should be the one who's cooking or that I care if you clean the house. I like cooking! And I appreciate you cleaning, I really do, but I don't need you do it. I wish you knew how grateful I am for everything you do. I could never do what you do.
7. When you give me that look you're giving me right now
OK, fine, I know, you didn't have a choice about being the one who has to have the babies, I know. So sue me for not being able to give birth. I still couldn't do what you do, honey.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, June 15, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
You may be having an emotional affair and not even know it. Use these emotional affair signs to find out if you’re more-than-friends with a friend.
These days, as close as two lovers may be, they can’t always be by each other’s side all the time. Other than the weekend, most lovers spend a big part of their day away from each other. And as humans, we have a need to feel loved and appreciated wherever we are. In all probability, the good times you share with your friends and colleagues may be one of the biggest reasons why you enjoy your workplace.
Falling into an emotional affair
As time passes by, even though you have your own lover, you may start to like someone else’s company too. At first, it may start off as someone to have a conversation with when you’re bored and your partner isn’t around to talk to you. And then, the person turns into someone you like talking to. And before you know it, this person becomes a pretty important part of your life. Add opposite-sex and stranger-to-your-partner into the equation, and you’ve good yourself a good chance of an emotional affair.
Signs of an emotional affair
An emotional affair is exciting. You get to experience the same flutter of the heart as you feel in love, but in this case, your partner isn’t around. It’s just harmless flirting, isn’t it? Harmless flirting is good. It’s fun, it’s sexy and makes you feel more confident about yourself and your conversational skills. But is your harmless flirting with a colleague at your workplace turning into an emotional affair without you realizing it? You may just be more addicted to your *friend* than you think!
18 emotional affair signs to judge your secret relationship better
So could you be cheating on your partner emotionally without even realizing it? Most of us are, and we just don’t know it. Use these 18 emotional affair signs to find out if you’re having one. And once you get that answer, ask yourself the big question you have to eventually face one day, what are you going to do now?
#1 Your behavior.You’re very friendly with this good friend of yours. But subconsciously, both of you keep some distance from each other when your lover is around. There’s more awkwardness and formality in your conversations when your lover’s by your side.
#2 Excitement.You feel really excited to share any new thoughts or ideas with this friend, be it your review of a movie you just watched or gossip about another coworker or classmate.
#3 You need to talk.Do you ever feel incomplete or feel like something’s missing when you don’t speak to your friend for a couple of days? Even when you’re on a vacation, do your thoughts drift and make you wonder what your friend is up to?
#4 You share your secrets. Do you share your innermost secrets with this friend? You may be sharing secrets that even your partner doesn’t know about. It makes you feel good to share such intimate details with your friend. At times, the idea of sharing a new secret may even excite you or make you feel more connected to each other.
#5 You want their attention. You get annoyed if you call your friend up late one night and realize they’re busy on another call with someone else. You find yourself feeling jealous if they date someone else, or speak highly about someone else to you. You’re not dating each other, but both of you like getting each other’s attention.
#6 It’s an addiction.You’re addicted to this friend. Both of you feel really happy to meet each other after a long weekend. And you feel like you’ve missed out on happy time if you don’t get to spend some time talking to this friend.
#7 You’re easily aroused.Do you get easily aroused when you’re having a conversation about sex with this friend? If you feel good talking about your own intimate sexual details with your friend and it somehow arouses you, there’s definitely an emotional affair in the air.
#8 Sexual tension.There’s a lot of sexual tension in the air. Even when both of you sit close to each other, you can clearly sense every part of your bodies that are touching each other.
#9 You flirt naturally.Both of you don’t always realize it, but there’s a lot of flirty conversations in the air when both of you share a moment with each other, and there’s no one around.
#10 You want to make an impression.You always find yourself dressing up better when you have to meet this friend. You may not consciously realize it, but you always try to look your best when you spend time with your friend.
#11 Compliments.If you’re sharing an emotional affair with a friend, big chances are, you take their compliments pretty seriously. If your friend tells you that you look prettier with your hair done a particular way or that red looks beautiful on you, it just makes your day!
#12 You’ve found your secret soulmate.This friend of yours understands you better than anyone else in the whole world. And you respect your friend’s advice more than you care about your own partner’s.
#13 You make sacrifices.You’d be willing to sacrifice anything just to make more time for your friend. You could stay up the whole night just to talk to your friend after your partner’s asleep. Or you could leave your place and head to work an hour early so you can spend more time with your friend. You don’t realize it, but you put your life, love and your career aside just to spend time with this friend.
#14 Together time. You spend more time talking to this friend of yours than you spend time with your own partner. And even if your partner tries to communicate with you, you subconsciously push them away because you’d prefer to have intellectual conversations only with your friend.
#15 Fantasies. Your friend pops into your sexual fantasies all the time. You may be having sex with your own partner, but somehow, you can’t stop thinking about how amazing it would be to make love to your friend.
#16 Downplaying.Whenever you speak about this friend with your partner, you talk about this friend like they’re not important at all. You try not to speak about this person with your partner or you portray your friend as someone insignificant in your life.
Additionally, you make a conscious effort to downplay your friend’s role in your life, and you try hard not to bring up this person’s name while in conversation with your partner.
#17 A secret wish. Even if you’re in a long term relationship with your partner, you spend a lot of time secretly wondering about how your life could have been if you and your friend had met earlier, before you started dating your partner.
#18 Talk of partners.Your friend and you avoid talking about each other’s partners too much. And even if one of you talk about your own lovers, it’s only for a few minutes before the conversation gets back to how nice both of you feel talking to each other and having each other as such good friends.
It’s a subtle way of reassuring each other that even though both of you are in love with other people, there’s still something magical about your emotional relationship.
Are you experiencing an emotional affair?
Emotional affairs are extremely common. And almost all of us have been on the verge of getting into one without realizing it! So if you’ve used these emotional affair signs and see that you’re experiencing almost all of them, it’s time to give it a serious thought, because as fun as they may seem now, it’s only ruining everything else around you.
If you’re in an emotional affair with someone, you’d be jeopardizing your own relationship with your partner and may even start picking flaws in a perfect relationship. So now that you know you’re in an emotional affair, what do you want to do?
There are just two things you can do in this crossroad. Break up with your partner. Or end the emotional affair. These emotional affair signs don’t lie. Now it’s time to stop lying to yourself and make that decision, before it’s too late.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, June 08, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
It’s said that pillow talk makes romance so much better. But what is pillow talk really? Find out everything about it and how to make it better here.
There are so many things that make a happy relationship what it is. There are rules and there are ideas. And there are hard times to learn from and good memories to cherish. But what about pillow talk?
Do you indulge in that? Communication is important in a relationship, but finding the right time to communicate can leave both of you feeling drenched in love and bliss. And that’s exactly what pillow talking does to romance!
What is pillow talk really?
Pillow talking is the kind of conversation you have with your lover when you’re lying down in bed with each other. And contrary to popular belief, pillow talk is not necessarily associated with sex or with afterplay.
Have you ever lied down in each other’s arms and spoken about just about anything, be it your lives, problems or even your relationship? It feels good just listening to each other, doesn’t it? Pillow talking connects lovers emotionally and physically, and brings two lovers closer especially if the conversation is right for the occasion.
Why do we need pillow talk in a relationship?
One of the most important things pillow talking does is build the connection and love in a relationship. Just listening to your lover’s calm voice in bed can soothe you and help you get rid of all the pressures and defeats of a bad day.
It relaxes both of you and helps you open up to more intimate conversations without worry of arguments or anger. And when communication starts to get frank and open, the feeling of love will definitely grow with each passing night.
Pillow talking is one of those times in the day when both of you get to be with each other, with no distractions. You could spend a whole day with each other and still feel like two companions, but all you need is a few minutes of pillow talking late in the night to feel like true lovers all over again.
There are couples that pillow talk, and there are couples that don’t. But the couple that doesn’t indulge in a bit of sleepy, happy conversations will never be as emotionally connected to each other as the couple that pillow talks.
Things to talk about in bed
Are you and your lover good pillow talkers? As with everything in life, there are good things and bad things to pillow talk too. Some conversations can make you feel on top of the world, while a few other conversations can leave you dejected and drained out of your energy as you turn in for the night
Before we get to the good conversations in bed, let me give you a few pointers on the bad ones you need to avoid talking about.
Don’t talk about the problems in your life *unless you have a probable solution for it*. Don’t talk about financial troubles, sadness, how unfair the world is, or about your own miseries at work.
Couples do talk about all of this stuff, but that’s definitely not happy pillow talking. Try to look at pillow talking as the bright side of your life. If all you and your lover do before turning in to sleep is whine about how unfair life is, both of you will wake up feeling drained in the morning.
Instead, talk about conquests, happy times, the silver lining in a dark cloud, happy moments in the day, and anything else that can bring a smile on each other’s faces. Dream of a happy life, and visualize it together. If you have happy conversations while pillow talking, your relationship and your own lives will start to feel more upbeat and exciting.
8 happy conversations that make pillow talk better
Wondering what the perfect conversations for pillow talking are? Well, here are 8 happy pillow conversations that will definitely help both of you fall more in love and feel more happy in life.
#1 Comparisons.This may sound rude, but as humans, we love making comparisons all the time just to feel better about ourselves. Compare your own love life with the love lives of your friends or colleagues.
You’ll feel good if you have a better relationship. And if there’s something you admire about another couple, both of you will subconsciously make those changes in your own relationship, which will improve both of you as lovers and create a much better relationship over time.
#2 Dreams about the future. Talk about each of your dreams and visions. Pillow talking about it will help both of you understand each other’s lives and goals better and create wonderful fantasies about the future too. It’ll feel great to imagine the good things that the future has in store for both of you, especially if both of you follow your dreams and motivate each other along the way.
#3 Compliments. Add a bit of romance and flirty talk into your pillow talk now and then. Did you take a second glance at your lover as you waved goodbye earlier in the day because your lover looked so irresistible in their new hairstyle? Or were everyone around staring in awe at your partner at the party because they looked so good? Talk about it, it’ll bring a huge smile on your lover’s face.
#4 New things to try next time.Don’t ever look at tough times as hurdles, instead look at them as ways to come up with a better option, be it about work, love or your sex life. If sex wasn’t great one night, talk about things you’d like to try the next time. If you just celebrated a birthday, talk about what you plan to do on the next birthday. Talking about ways to improve something in your life always makes for passionate pillow talk.
#5 Vacations and getaways.Nothing beats a good pillow talk than vacations or weekend getaways. If both of you have been working hard, talk about taking a break from work three or four months from now. Discuss about places to go to and things to do, and all the other happy vacation ideas. Both of you will feel good about it, and it’ll motivate you to achieve your goals even faster.
#6 Romantic memories.Talking about romance is a happy time in bed. Ask your partner if they remember the first time you kissed, or the first vacation both of you took together, or any romantic incident that’s left a happy memory. One conversation will lead to another, and before you know it, both of you will feel more lucky in love than ever.
#7 Past struggles.Past struggles are like an inspirational movie, especially if both of you have achieved something worthwhile after the struggle. Did you have a hard time making ends meet? Or did both of you have to make a lot of sacrifices to achieve what you now have? Talking about old struggles and present good times will help both of you realize just how much both of you have achieved over time, be it in love or in life.
#8 About your day.This is the kind of pillow talk that brings both of you closer on a daily basis. Talk about your day, the good and the bad of it, and the little exciting details that made you proud or brought a smile on your face.
The more both of you open up to each other about your daily lives, the more connected both of you will feel. And as long as both of you are aware of each other’s lives, there’ll be very little room for insecurity and jealousy, and a lot more room for trust and love.
Pillow talk may seem trivial and easy, but remember this, a couple that has the right conversations in bed will always be more happier than a couple that has the wrong conversations in bed, not just in love but in life as well.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, June 01, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
Do you secretly find yourself feeling lonely in your relationship? You don’t have to feel guilty, because you aren’t alone. Understand it, and fix it!
Most people believe that once you’re in a serious relationship, you will never feel lonely again. How could you possibly feel alone when you’ve got someone on your side loving, supporting and motivating you? Yet, many people often feel more secluded in serious relationships, as time and change can put pressure on your bond and lead you to feel distant from your partner.
People become lonely in relationships for many different reasons but most often, it has to do with feeling disconnected from their partner. Once a person becomes disconnected, the loneliness begins to seep into their lives, and cause them to feel upset and unloved.
Why do you feel lonely in your relationship?
#1. It’s very common to feel lonely if you feel emotionally or physically ignored by your partner. If you don’t believe that your needs are being met, and that perhaps your partner doesn’t care anymore, it is extremely easy to feel alone in a relationship.
This can be related to feeling unloved and undervalued, and being insecure in the partnership. It can also creep in if you start to believe that your sexual needs aren’t being met. And this in turn, can cause loneliness and create an invisible barrier between partners
#2. Sometimes, we can also become lonely when we long for someone or something else. If you don’t really know what you want in a relationship, then you won’t be fully happy and fulfilled. You must pinpoint what it is you want and need from a relationship in order to fully embrace and engage with your significant other.
Do you have some of the same interests and morals? Can you agree on important things? If not, maybe you and your partner aren’t as fit for each other as you believed, and that is causing you to long for something different.
#3. Loneliness also occurs when communication is not open and honest. You need to talk to your partner, and let them know how you’re feeling. Maybe your partner doesn’t realize you’re feeling unloved, or unsatisfied. Mind reading is not a common skill, and by stalling communication, you won’t help the situation.
#4. Relationships involve two individuals, and if one of those individuals is going through a difficult phase in their life, it may create some distance. If you feel disconnected from your partner because of this, you should strive to find how you could work together through this time. Be patient, and continue to be supportive of each other.
When one, or several of these things happen to your relationship, you can eat, sleep, and live with your partner but still feel unengaged and inactive in the relationship. While the feeling of loneliness can start off small, if it’s not dealt with soon, it can grow to a crushing level that can eventually end a relationship altogether.
What can you do to stop feeling lonely?
It is important to do a number of things when you’re starting to feel lonely in your relationship, and the following can help you start mending the disconnect you’re feeling.
#1 Talk to your partner.The absolute first thing you should do is talk to your partner about your feelings, and the concerns you have with your relationship. Tell them that you have been feeling lonely lately, and express the reasons that you think this may be.
If you don’t start by expressing your feelings to your partner, it will be difficult to find and address the root of the problem. Relationships that have open and consistent communication often have fewer issues
#2 Don’t isolate yourself. Loneliness can be a perpetual cycle as it leads to you further closing yourself off to the people around you, causing you to feel even lonelier. If you’re feeling alone in your relationship, resist the temptation to hibernate in yourself, and your secluded routine. If all you really want to do is curl up with a book or watch a movie, don’t. Get out of the house, and be around other people.
#3 Keep busy.If you’re feeling lonely and all you really want to do is nothing, make the effort to get busy. Sign yourself up for a new cooking class, or online course. Take on a new project at work, or volunteer at an organization in your city.
Do something other than spending time alone doing nothing. If you’re busy, it’s easier to forget that you were feeling lonely as other things occupy your mind. It’s also rewarding when you accomplish something new!
#4 Meet new people.Not only should you get out of the house and keep busy, you should also try to meet new people. New friendships can often stimulate inspiration and motivation in our lives. When we meet someone with a great skill or an interesting passion, it’s easier to become rejuvenated. Human relationships are an essential part of life, and if you can meet people that share your interests, it will do a lot of good to overcome your loneliness.
#5 Be nice to yourself.Just because you’re feeling lonely in your relationship and experiencing some challenges in your life, doesn’t mean you need to become hard on yourself. We all go through rough patches, and you need to remember to be kind to yourself, and offer words of encouragement instead of self-diminishing.
#6 Talk to someone.If you’re feeling lonely and you’re not sure what the next step is, you should start by talking to someone you trust. It will be difficult to move forward from the emotion and seclusion if you don’t first reach outside yourself. If you don’t feel like your partner is the one to talk to, then you could approach a close friend or family member. If that also doesn’t seem possible, then why not reach out to a professional?
Sharing your experience is often liberating as you discover that many people experience the same emotions. You can gain some advice from talking about your issues, and you’ll find it easier than dealing with it all by yourself.
#7 Find out what the root problem is.In a relationship, loneliness is caused by something else that’s going on between you and your partner. The only true solution to loneliness is uprooting the main cause of the emotion. Once you do that, you can work towards cutting the cause off at the source, and hopefully leaving loneliness in the past.
Many of us feel lonely in relationships. It can be caused by a number of things, but generally it has to do with feeling disconnected from your partner and/or yourself. You should communicate your loneliness to the people you trust in your life, and talk it through with your partner. If you don’t address the true causes, you will continue to cycle through the emotion and feel as though you are always alone in the world.
Don’t feel ashamed or guilty if you feel lonely in your relationship. Address it, try to understand why you’re feeling it, and fix it using these ways. After all, suppressing it will never make loneliness go away!
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. May 25, 2016.
They’re the J to your Joy, and you simply cannot wait for them to put a ring on it. But hold up – just because you finish each other’s sentences, you’ve got a million shared interests and they’ve seen the contents of your ahem drawer, doesn’t mean you’re necessarily ready to walk down the aisle. It’s one thing to make relationship resolutions, but here’s a list of must-dos — from silly to serious — before you say your “I dos.” Plus, we got Dr. Michelle Golland, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and all-around love guru, to weigh in.
1. Exchange digits. As in, the passcode on your smartphone. You know everything there is to know about each other, right? Well, “everything” includes the contents of one’s most precious technological device. Dr. Golland says, “If your S.O. keeps passwords on his phone, isn’t willing to have the hard conversations needed to move to the next step or is more concerned about [his parents’] feelings or thoughts than yours around big issues,” then he’s not ready to get married.
2.Watch each other’s favorite TV shows. As much as it pains you to indulge in the caveman etiquette that is him hogging the remote control, just know that you’ll soon be queuing up My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, to which he will inevitably also become addicted. Compromise is an important lesson to learn before you tie the knot!
3.Bump heads. No one likes to argue, but occasional squabbles can be beneficial: They show that you are two people with differing opinions and viewpoints who are willing to share them. “Conflict is healthy and normal. Learning how to handle differences is critical. The worst scenario is when one partner believes being married means things are always good,” Dr. Golland says. Plus, if you didn’t fight, you couldn’t make up.
4.Explore “cheating.” The definition, that is. Trust is huge in marriage. And since cheating means different things to different people, it’s important to get on the same page. “Emotional infidelity is a relationship killer, as much as sexual infidelity. There shouldn’t be anything you say about your partner to someone else that you are not brave enough to say to your partner yourself,” Dr. Golland says.
5.Eat this, pass that! Let’s be honest, the quickest path to intimacy is via garlicky pasta, slurpy ramen, Mexican food and all of their… shall we say, aftereffects. “If you can’t pass gas in front of your partner or they won’t in front of you, then you have some work to do around letting go of ego and awkwardness and the need to be seen as perfect, which will be a killer to the relationship. Gas happens, and life gets messy and stinky at times!” Dr. Golland says.
6.See a shrink together. Even if you get along swimmingly, every couple can gain insight by chatting with a professional. “Every person should be willing to come in and talk to an expert about their relationship and how to communicate best with each other. To me, having a shrink or therapist who is your go-to person around emotional challenges is no different than having a good mechanic or chiropractor,” Dr. Golland says.
Many of us may have been taught in Sunday school growing up that a man and a woman may be twain (single) at first but shall become one with another in marriage. To truly be in love and committed to each other through marriage requires complete unification and bonding emotionally, physically and psychologically – this is when they both can truly become one.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, May 11, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
While sitting at a soccer game last weekend, one of the husbands ran up and half whispered, "just so you know, the kids have a great idea for you for a Mother's Day gift, and we're going to get it now. Just act surprised and not mad. It's a trampoline."
He had no idea why we all started laughing hysterically. This prompted everyone to reveal the worst presents they've ever received. It was so amusing, that I started posing the question to other circles wondering what their worst gifts were. I'm not talking the standard coupons and ugly flowers. It was difficult to narrow them down to 10, but these were the ones that really took some out-of-the-box thinking.
1 – Breakfast in Bed
Breakfast in bed is never that great. Usually we end up having to clean up a disaster in the kitchen, or this mom was so lucky not to have to clean up the mess. She got to eat McDonalds - in bed. Awesome!?
2 – Cash
Cash. My friend Sarah got 20 one-dollar bills in an envelope. No explanation. Weird.
3- Twilight Movie
My girlfriend and her husband enjoyed watching the Twilight series. She would always remark that she was definitely Team Edward. For Mothers day, he got her an Edward Cullen pillow case. What?
4-Love your dad?
Paul thought this was the best present ever. Amy did not.
5 – Dust Slippers
Annie's husband thought dust slippers was a great present because he was actually saving his wife some time. Uhhhhhm, no.
6 – Recycled Jewelry
You think Jewelry. What's so bad about that one? Well, this one went to a girlfriend from her fiance' . He gave her a present on Mother's day to assure her she'd be a great stepmom to his kids. The problem? The ring he gave her use to belong to his ex-wife, and he actually told her that.
7 – Adult Toy
My friend who asked to remain anonymous got a vibrator from her husband. Not necessarily a terrible gift except for the fact that she opened it in front of her family. Awkward.
8- Giving her a Star!
This gift was given 15 years ago, but obviously it made quite an impression because my friend never forgot the card she received with this gift, "A star for my star. You not only gave birth to a baby, but you are now mom to a star too!"
9 – Xbox
My husband actually gave me an XBOX for Mother's day. I am absolutely not kidding. I also received an amazing bonus gift. Wait for it, Wait. For. It...
10 – Video Game
Yep, Call of Duty!
Mother’s Day is a time to honor and celebrate mothers. Give her the gift SHE wants and one she’ll remember for your heart-felt thought in the gift rather than her remembering your gift because it lacked your heart-felt thought. Happy gift-giving!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, May 04, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
Want to understand your partner better than ever? Use these 30 sexy questions for couples to read your partner’s naughty mind and ignite the spark!
For most lovers who have been in a relationship for a while, conversations start to die or get repetitive. And even spending an evening together can start to feel like an effort. Do you sometimes call your friends over because you think you’d be bored with your own lover? Well, then you need to make things more exciting.
To truly experience the perfect relationship, you need to make each other feel comfortable, and you need to learn to think from your partner’s perspective. And at times, the best ways to find out your partner’s perspective is by asking all the right questions. If your partner doesn’t open up at first, ask your partner to question you first, hear your answer and then answer.
Use these 30 questions with your partner, and you’ll definitely help them open up to you, just as long as you remember to have a laugh, pull your lover’s leg and let them know that you’re completely fine with all their answers.
30 questions for couples to keep the spark alive:
There are no *no* answers here. Your partner has to say something, anything!
#1What’s the one secret you’ve been too embarrassed to tell me?
#2Does it bother you if I look at another person and say he/she is sexy?
#3Have you ever snooped on me behind my back?
#4If there’s one thing you’d want to change about me, what is it?
#5If we hadn’t met each other, where would you be right now?
#6When was the last time you grazed against a sexy someone’s body accidentally?
#7How would you describe love?
#8Tell me five instances where you think we’ve had the most amazing sex.
#9Reveal a sex confession you haven’t told me yet. It doesn’t matter if it’s a weak confession.
#10What if I told you I was bisexual?
#11What would you think if you caught me watching porn? Would you get turned on?
#12What was on your mind the last time we were having sex? [
#13The average duration of sex for most couples is around ten minutes. How long do you think we last?
#14The average frequency of sex for couples is about eight times a month. How many times a month do you feel is ideal?
#15Of all the things you do to me sexually, what do you think turns me on the most?
#16What’s the most erotic thing a guy and a girl can do together?
#17What’s the most recent awkward moment you experienced that I don’t know about?
#18Tell me a sexual fantasy you like, one you haven’t told me yet.
#19Do you think you can read my mind, what am I thinking right now?
#20Have you every indulged in PDA with me in front of someone else just to make them jealous?
#21What’s one manipulative behavior of mine which pisses you off?
#22If you had to give me a funny nickname based on my personality or some part of me, what would it be?
#23Right now, what would you like, mind-blowing sex or a cuddle in a hammock to watch the stars?
#24If we were at a nude beach together, would you get naked and flash at someone, or would you want me to get completely naked?
#25Have you ever wanted to buy a sex toy, but hesitated?
#26Celebs or friends, name one person you would want to sleep with if you were single *other than me, of course*?
#27If I called you a horny pervert, how would you confront my accusation?
#28Why do you think some couples end up cheating on each other?
#29How could we make our sex life more exciting? [
#30If you caught me in a room with an attractive person, and I tell you that nothing’s going on, would you believe me?
These 30 questions for couples may seem funny, or even a bit of a tease. But each of these questions will reveal a trait about your partner. It may be about their sexual interests or their views about cheating or insecurity, or many other things that matter in a relationship. And a few other questions can help both of you understand each other’s expectations in the relationship. Try to have a light hearted conversation and ask each other these questions, and don’t take offence no matter what. At the end of the day, your partner is opening up to you only because they feel secure. By getting angry or annoyed at any point, you’re only going to make your partner hide deeper in their emotional shell.
Use these 30 questions for couples to get to know each other a lot better, and help your partner understand your wants and interests. It’ll definitely work its magic and bring the spark alive in your relationship.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 27, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
Today's coffee culture has an incredibly sophisticated vocabulary. Do you want a cappuccino, an espresso, a skinny latte, or maybe an iced caramel macchiato? The ancient Greeks were just as sophisticated in the way they talked about love, recognizing six different varieties. They would have been shocked by our crudeness in using a single word both to whisper "l love you" over a candlelit meal and to casually sign an email "lots of love."
So what were the six loves known to the Greeks? And how can they inspire us to move beyond our current addiction to romantic love, which has 94 percent of young people hoping but often failing to find a unique soul mate who can satisfy all their emotional needs?
1. Eros, or sexual passion
The first kind of love was eros, named after the Greek god of fertility, and it represented the idea of sexual passion and desire. But the Greeks didn't always think of it as something positive, as we tend to do today. In fact, eros was viewed as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and possess you—an attitude shared by many later spiritual thinkers, such as the Christian writer C.S. Lewis.
Erosinvolved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks. Which is odd, because losing control is precisely what many people now seek in a relationship. Don't we all hope to fall "madly" in love?
2. Philia, or deep friendship
The second variety of love was philia or friendship, which the Greeks valued far more than the base sexuality of eros. Philia concerned the deep comradely friendship that developed between brothers in arms who had fought side by side on the battlefield. It was about showing loyalty to your friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing your emotions with them. (Another kind of philia, sometimes called storge, embodied the love between parents and their children.)
We can all ask ourselves how much of this comradely philia we have in our lives. It's an important question in an age when we attempt to amass "friends" on Facebook or "followers" on Twitter—achievements that would have hardly impressed the Greeks.
3. Ludus, or playful love
This was the Greeks' idea of playful love, which referred to the affection between children or young lovers. We've all had a taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship. But we also live out our ludus when we sit around in a bar bantering and laughing with friends, or when we go out dancing.
Dancing with strangers may be the ultimate ludic activity, almost a playful substitute for sex itself. Social norms may frown on this kind of adult frivolity, but a little more ludus might be just what we need to spice up our love lives.
4. Agape, or love for everyone
The fourth love, and perhaps the most radical, was agape or selfless love. This was a love that you extended to all people, whether family members or distant strangers. Agape was later translated into Latin as caritas, which is the origin of our word "charity."
C.S. Lewis referred to it as "gift love," the highest form of Christian love. But it also appears in other religious traditions, such as the idea of mettā or "universal loving kindness" in Theravāda Buddhism.
There is growing evidence that agape is in a dangerous decline in many countries. Empathy levels in the U.S. have declined sharply over the past 40 years, with the steepest fall occurring in the past decade. We urgently need to revive our capacity to care about strangers.
5. Pragma, or longstanding love
Another Greek love was the mature love known as pragma. This was the deep understanding that developed between long-married couples.
Pragmawas about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.
The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said that we expend too much energy on "falling in love" and need to learn more how to "stand in love." Pragma is precisely about standing in love—making an effort to give love rather than just receive it. With about a third of first marriages in the U.S. ending through divorce or separation in the first 10 years, the Greeks would surely think we should bring a serious dose of pragma into our relationships.
6. Philautia, or love of the self
The Greek's sixth variety of love was philautia or self-love. And the clever Greeks realized there were two types. One was an unhealthy variety associated with narcissism, where you became self-obsessed and focused on personal fame and fortune. A healthier version enhanced your wider capacity to love. The idea was that if you like yourself and feel secure in yourself, you will have plenty of love to give others (as is reflected in the Buddhist-inspired concept of "self-compassion"). Or, as Aristotle put it, "All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man's feelings for himself."
The ancient Greeks found diverse kinds of love in relationships with a wide range of people—friends, family, spouses, strangers, and even themselves. This contrasts with our typical focus on a single romantic relationship, where we hope to find all the different loves wrapped into a single person or soul mate. The message from the Greeks is to nurture the varieties of love and tap into its many sources. Don't just seek eros, but cultivate philia by spending more time with old friends, or develop ludus by dancing the night away.
Moreover, we should abandon our obsession with perfection. Don't expect your partner to offer you all the varieties of love, all of the time (with the danger that you may toss aside a partner who fails to live up to your desires). Recognize that a relationship may begin with plenty of eros and ludus, then evolve toward embodying more pragma or agape. The diverse Greek system of loves can also provide consolation. By mapping out the extent to which all six loves are present in your life, you might discover you've got a lot more love than you had ever imagined—even if you feel an absence of a physical lover.
It's time we introduced the six varieties of Greek love into our everyday way of speaking and thinking. If the art of coffee deserves its own sophisticated vocabulary, then why not the art of love?
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. April 20, 2016.
Etymology is fun! It’s especially fun to learn about the quaint old-fashioned practices that gave rise to some of the words we use. Stereotype comes from printing, hard-up comes from sailing, pipe dream comes from opium dens.
Cultural practices change, technology changes, but words stick around—and not just in some long ago, far away place. It’s happening all around us as we speak, a hard truth that mental_floss editor-in-chief Jason recently had to face up to.
That’s right. Kids these days don’t know where hang up comes from, and those of us who remember the pre-cell phone era are already receding into the mysterious, etymological past. Here are 15 etymologies to answer the questions of future English speakers. Because the future is already here.
1. WHY DO WE "HANG UP" A PHONE?
Phones used to have two parts to them, a base and a receiver. In order to end a call, the receiver had to be placed or "hung" on the base.
2. WHY DO WE "DIAL" A PHONE?
To call someone on an old phone, you had to stick your finger in a rotating dial at number positions that would turn the dial for various lengths of time when released. You had to do the entire number every time.
3. WHY DOES A PHONE OR ALARM CLOCK "RING"?
Now phones and alarm clocks can make any kind of sound to catch your attention, but a long time ago, phones and alarm clocks had little bells inside them for this purpose.
4. WHY DO CASHIERS "RING UP" A PURCHASE?
Cash registers also used to have little bells in them. Cashiers would enter the price of each item on a set of mechanical levers, when they pressed the button to get the total, the total price would pop up in a window and the bell would ring.
5. WHY DO WE "ROLL" A WINDOW UP OR DOWN?
Cars used to have hand cranks in the doors that moved the windows up or down when turned. To open or close a window, you had to roll the crank around a few times.
6. WHERE DOES "SOUNDS LIKE A BROKEN RECORD" COME FROM?
Music used to be played on grooved discs, called records. When these discs were scratched or otherwise damaged, it would cause the same sound to be played over and over again. So to sound like a broken record was to repeat the same thing over and over.
7. WHAT IS THE ORIGIN OF "LUGGAGE"?
People used to travel with big, heavy bags that had no wheels or collapsible handles. They had to "lug" these bags around from place to place.
8. WHY DO WE DESCRIBE HEALTH FOOD PLACES AS "GRANOLA"?
I know! Granola is full of gluten and sugar! But decades ago, granola was considered a healthy alternative to eggs, pancakes, and bacon, which were then considered unhealthy.
9. WHY DO WE "TURN" A DEVICE ON OR OFF?
Many devices used to require the user to turn a handle or knob in order to release the flow of an energy producing substance like gas, steam, or electricity. To stop the flow the knob would be turned back the other way and the device would cease operating.
10. WHY DO WE CALL IT A MESSAGE "BOARD"?
Before the internet, when people wanted to make an announcement or share information they would put it on a piece of paper and attach it to a board mounted in a public location where many people would see it.
11. WHY DO WE CALL SOME SHOWS "REALITY" TV?
Even though these shows do not actually show reality, at the time they first appeared, they were, in comparison, much less scripted and controlled than other shows, so they seemed somehow closer to the world as the way it was.
12. WHAT IS "CLOCKWISE"?
Clocks used to be a circular array of numbers, with pointers mounted on a controller in the center that moved around the circle over the course of the day. The direction that the pointers moved, beginning towards the right at the top of the circle, was referred to as clockwise.
13. WHY DO WE SAY "ON LINE" FOR COMPUTER THINGS?
In the early days of computing, when one machine needed to communicate with another, they had to be attached with a physical cord or "line." Processes that could be completed without this communication were "off line."
14. WHY DO WE SAY "REWIND" FOR A DO-OVER?
Video and audio used to be on strips of tape that moved across a reader in order to be played. A gear on one side would wind the tape, pulling across it the reader from a wheel on the other side. When you wanted to re-play a section you had just heard or seen, or go back to the beginning, you had to re-wind the tape in the other direction.
15. WHAT DOES "CC" MEAN ON AN EMAIL?
When you cc someone, you send them a copy of your message. It comes from carbon copy, an old method of creating copies of paper documents by transferring lines via carbon paper.
So here you have it, 15 common expressions younger generations won't understand. I wonder what expressions the next generations won’t understand from today? Only time will tell.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. April 13, 2016.
Conversations about other people might help us identify what's wrong in our lives and work. So how did gossip get such a bad rap? 10 Most Popular Gossip Topics of Men & Women.
We’ve all been told that gossip is bad. Loose lips sink ships, as the World War II poster warned, yet relationship experts estimate that 65% to 80% of our daily conversations are about other people. An on-line study involving 5,000 people showed that men gossiped 76 minutes a day, and women wasted only 52 minutes on rumors. One third of men love to gossip with their colleagues. And 58% of the representatives of the stronger sex declared that gossip made them feel a part of society.
In his book Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language, University of Oxford professor Robin Dunbar suggests that the practice of talking about rumors and personal events in others' lives is an important instrument of social order and bonding. "For reasons that are not entirely clear, gossip has acquired a decidedly shady reputation," Dunbar writes. But the term gossip didn't originally have that meaning, he explains. It just meant the activity that a person engaged in with people they were close to.
Used as it was intended, gossip can actually have several benefits. Here are five reasons you might want to rethink the practice and use conversations about others for good:
1. It Identifies Conditions You Should Change
Gossip is often considered a moral issue, but it can be used to solve problems, says Deborah Beroset, a communications expert for the leadership training company Landmark.
"Gossip can serve as an indicator of a lack of workability," she says. "Paying attention to what’s coming out of your mouth is half the battle."
When you feel the urge to gossip to a coworker or friend about something that is bothering you, Beroset suggests that you ask yourself, What is the complaint underneath the gossip? For example, are you angry that your boss is giving you more work when you really should be asking for help? Or are you upset that that a friend cancels plans with you when you really want to figure out how to spend more time together? Identify the underlying issue, and take it to the right person, she says.
Ask yourself, What is the complaint underneath the gossip? Are you angry that your boss is giving you more work when you really should be asking for help?
"What moves mountains in this world is the ability to make powerful requests," she says. "People are often amazed at the ease with which a simple request can resolve circumstances that previously seemed like a lost cause."
2. It Helps Protect Society
Using gossip to alert others to potential trouble can lower the chances unprepared people will be victimized. The activity also provides a way to ostracize offenders, according to a recent study at Stanford University published in Psychological Science.
"Groups that allow their members to gossip sustain cooperation and deter selfishness better than those that don’t," said Matthew Feinberg, postdoctoral researcher and coauthor of the study. "And groups do even better if they can gossip and ostracize untrustworthy members. While both of these behaviors can be misused, our findings suggest that they also serve very important functions for groups and society."
3. It Relieves Stress
Another benefit of gossip is that it relieves anxiety. In an experiment, researchers from University of California, Berkeley found that participants who witnessed someone behaving badly experienced stress and an increase in heart rate. Warning others about what they saw, however, lessened the effect.
"Spreading information about the person whom they had seen behave badly tended to make people feel better, quieting the frustration that drove their gossip," said social psychologist Robb Willer, coauthor of the a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
4. It Helps With Self-Improvement
All gossip doesn’t have to be negative. Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands studied the effect of positive and negative gossip, and found that hearing good stories about others provided motivation for self-improvement. Negative gossip was also helpful, as it provided information on what not to do to risk your reputation.
Receiving gossip about other people is a valuable source of knowledge about ourselves, because we implicitly compare ourselves with the people we hear gossip about, said Elena Martinescu, lead author of the study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
5. It Helps Establish Cooperation And Trust.
Gossip can also be a key factor in developing trust and cooperation, says Derek Arnold, communication instructor at Villanova University.
"Sharing ‘private’ information can establish relationships between people so that they will continue to confide in each other," he says. "They are more likely to work together on other activities."
In the University of California, Berkeley study, researchers also concluded that when people learn about the behavior of others through gossip, they use this information to align with those deemed cooperative.
What Are Men Gossiping about?
The experts also found the main themes of male gossip:
What Are Women Gossiping about?
The subjects of female gossips are very different from those of men:
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 06, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
What goes on in those constantly moving minds of women and men? If you’re in a relationship right now, you probably often feel helpless, knowing your partner is afraid of or worried about something but isn’t telling you or you can’t help them. But here is the thing: women and men don’t want to admit their fears in relationships. They worry that they’re being dramatic, or that you won’t feel like having a long discussion with them about their fears, or that you’ll let them down. And of course, admitting their fears is a fear in and of itself! So you may need to do a little mind reading if you’re going to alleviate your partner’s fears. Here are a top 10 fears of women and men in relationships:
Women Fear the following in relationships:
1. You’ll stop being attracted to her
Did you have any idea that movies and sitcoms lead women to believe that, after a few years of dating, they won’t be hot enough/young enough/tight enough for their men? Women are led to believe that men secretly talk behind their backs about how they’ve gained weight, or their new haircut is weird, or hey, that their sisters are hotter than they are. Women are terrified of the idea that their men might stop being attracted to them, and that they are perhaps forcing themselves to have rote sex with their partners because, well, it’s an easy lay. Women constantly worry that men carry on some secret online life where they check out porn filled with younger, hotter, buffer, bigger-boobed women, and that they wish their wives and girlfriends looked like that. Try watching a movie through a woman’s eyes some time, and see what you are being told!
2. You’re not who you seem to be
Every woman has had the experience of dating the most supportive, kindest man only to find out he had been charming her so he could control her. One day that man told her she couldn’t hang out with certain friends anymore, or dress a certain way, and so the end began. Every woman has also dealt with dating the guy who, in the beginning of the relationship, was so in love. He wanted to be with her every second, and the woman began to depend on that love. And then what happened? The guy got bored with her, like she was an old toy.
3. You’re settling
Hey, you might have pressure from your family to get married already. Maybe you’re just lonely and want a partner. Maybe all of your friends are married so you think, “Well, I guess it’s time for me.” Women worry that the man who commits to them is just settling. They worry so much that this isn’t the exciting, fireworks-filled romance their partner had hoped for, but that they just happened to be the one who came along at the right time.
4. She’s settling
Guess what? Women worry about settling, too. They certainly experience pressure to get a ring on it by a certain age, and they do get lonely. Women panic sometimes at the thought that “the one” is still out there, but it’s too risky to give their current partner up and go look for him since he might not even exist.
5. She’s too needy
That’s another idea women have shoved in their faces from the media: they are needy. They call too much, they force you to talk about your feelings, they want to be with you all the time etc. Women can get so self-conscious about it that they’ll go out of their way not to call, not to talk about feelings, and not to make too many plans with you. They’re terrified that they might be smothering you.
6. She’s not adventurous enough in bed
Have you peeked at porn out there today? Of course you have! And women fear that what you watch on your iPad is what you want in your real pad. Women are terrified that you think sex is really boring with them, like sleeping with a nun when they wish they were banging through some hole in a bathroom, or including four other women in the act.
7. She’ll become a burden to you
Women feel a lot of pressure to make it in their own careers so that they aren’t burdens. Most real women don’t want to be kept housewives who sit at home while you make the money. They know how quickly they’ll become a burden to you if they don’t make money, and if they don’t have anywhere to go during the day.
8. She’ll have to choose between her career and you
There are plenty of men who can’t handle a woman who has her own life and her own aspirations. Women then worry that they’ll fall for a man who gets angry if they work too much, and force them to choose between their career and him.
9. You’ll keep secrets from her
Women don’t want to feel like your mom! But that’s how they feel if you keep secrets from them. These secrets could range from the binge eating you do when they’re asleep (when they told you her you needed to eat healthier) to staying late at work to play video games (when you told her you had a meeting.) If you keep secrets from your partner, she feels like you no longer see her as a friend and partner, but an authority figure to be tricked.
10. You don’t want to spend time with her
And finally, women worry that hanging out with them might feel like a chore. Maybe you only do it so that you can have dependable sex, but that watching movies with them or going shopping with them is actually torture to you.
What do men fear in their relationships?
Research paints a portrait of men very different from the calm, cool, and collected gods that they’d like us to see them as. Instead, men worry just as much as women do, and their fears give us an invaluable insight into the male mind.
1. He thinks you’ll smother his friendships
It’s the classic fear that most guys have about dating – once he enters a relationship, he won’t have any more time for the guys because you’ll be with him all of the time. It’s like it’s written into their genetic code. The clingy and needy dame is a boogie man for almost every guy, and is something they correctly feel they’d be better off without.
This fear can also get a bit more specific – he might think that you won’t like some or all of his friends, so you wouldn’t want him going to spend time with them anymore. He’s afraid of losing some long-lasting friendships that he’s made without you, and doesn’t want to put those at risk.
What’s the remedy to this? It’s simple – respect his boundaries, and make sure that he understands that you don’t have to do everything together. Every couple needs some time apart during their time together, and should be able to function independently too.
2. He thinks you’re a time burglar
This goes back to the instinctual fear of being in a relationship with a clingy, needy partner – it’s not attractive for the other person in the relationship, and more often than not sends someone running.
This is an especially big fear for guys early on in relationships when they’re still getting to know their women, and are just beginning to see who the person they’re with really is. A healthy, well-adjusted man today has a bundle of things going on in his day to day life, and is working hard to keep all aspects of his life balanced. When he feels that something may throw off that stability – like a heavily time-consuming relationship – he might reassess and see whether it’s worth it to keep that as part of the balancing act in his life.
While you should definitely look at spending time together as an integral part of a relationship, the key is moderation – in both communication and actually seeing each other.
3. You’ll become high maintenance
The not-so-magical diva is something guys want to avoid. Not only does it cause a lot of undue stress in their life, but it also can have an adverse effect on his current relationships with his friends and social circle. That alone is good reason for guys to be afraid of having to deal with someone who is high-maintenance. An actual high maintenance woman could throw off the harmony that he already had pre-relationship, which is something he’ll fight against.
Men like women who know what they want, but aren’t looking for relationships to be a full-time job in keeping his date happy.
4. Girls are hiding their crazy
This is a slightly less common fear that guys have about the women they’re dating, but it comes up more often than you’d think. It’s a fear that smacks a bit of a reluctance to trust everything that he’s seen thus far, but you never know when a man’s past experiences may have him wondering for good reason.
Picture this: you’ve been in a great budding relationship for a while, but in time, you start seeing more of this person out that they’re not who you thought they were. In fact, what you find turns out to be a deal breaker for you. People use their past experiences to guide their future actions, so the uneasiness guys get that comes with reading signals properly early might be natural for some of them.
There’s only one way to deal with this one, and it’s simple: don’t be crazy! But really, just be upfront and open in your relationship. There’s not much more that you can do than that, and you should expect it from him as well. Communication is always key.
5. He’s on thin ice
Ever tried to subtly give advice during a conversation, but have it fly right over the person’s head? In the context of a relationship, a lot of guys have trouble picking up on cues and hints just like that – sometimes, things just go over their head.
This is especially true when they try to decipher how their special lady is feeling about the relationship. Some guys would love to have things laid out for them and be straightforward about things all the time – you know, the type who ask you if you want to be kissed instead of just going for it. These are the same guys who have trouble knowing whether or not he’ll hear from you again after a date, and constantly worry where the relationship’s going or if you’re still interested in them.
This is a hard one for you to quell, since it’s mostly dependent on his insecurities. The best you can do is treat it like a relationship and communicate. Don’t give everything away, though – there should be some squirming, leaps of faith, and chase in a relationship!
So what’s the best way to combat these inklings that he may have? Respect his boundaries, and communicate. Do your best to be on the same page with your man at the right pace, and these fears should soon become unfounded for your man. That said, don’t expect him to change if you feel he’s being unreasonable with his expectations and fears – people only change if they want to, not by anyone else’s force. And besides, it’d be better to find a guy who’s on the same wavelength as you if you want a strong and long-lasting relationship.
In no particular order here are five more fears of men:
6. Men worry about not “measuring up” in the workplace and in the bedroom.
7. Men worry that they don’t look good enough to keep you from straying.
8. Men worry that they won’t be able to make you feel better when you’re upset.
9. Men worry about not being good fathers.
10. A man’s greatest fear is not being able to make you happy.
So there you have it. These are the things woman and men fear the most. If you realize that any of these fears are actually based in reality for you or your partner, maybe you shouldn’t be together – or you need to have a big talk. Don’t wait.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. March 30, 2016.
The kiss is a measure of a person’s feelings, his or her love or attraction to the other. A truly meaningful kiss can act as a booster. It can instill a sense of confidence, a sense of self-esteem in another. The strength of a kiss lies in the power it has to cause the release of serotonin and oxytocin peptides in our body.
The following are the wonderful and amazing physical benefits of Kissing:
1. Relieves Physical Pain: Kissing cause to raise the threshold for activation of pain receptors in our body, by doing so we feel less or no physical pain at all while we are in a kiss. Kissing cause release of endorphins (pain relieving hormones) from our brain causing pain relief by inhibiting the pain pathway. Kissing benefits a lot for person who suffers from chronic pain due to autoimmune disorders (Rheumatoid arthritis etc.) and malignant cancers. Regular kissing can make you stay away from morphine injections!
2. Lowers Blood Pressure: Kissing lowers blood pressure by dilating blood vessels in our body. Thus kissing can cause a decrease in blood pressure even in people with hypertension by giving a big physical relief and by decreasing their stress. Thus regular kissing can make you stay away from antihypertensive drugs!
3. Improves the Health of our Heart: kissing can cause decrease in the sympathetic tone over heart, by doing so it reduces the stress which the heart undergoes in daily life due to our mental stress. Studies reveal that men who made love regularly were 45% less likely to develop heart disease than who made love once in a month. Regular Kissing can make you stay away from cardiac drugs and loading dose of Aspirin and clopidogrel!
4. Boost immune system and reduce Allergy: Kissing can cause boosting of activity of immune cells in our body to fight outside germs by producing IgA antibodies against it. Kissing can decrease IgE antibodies causing decreased release of histamine from mast cell which cause allergic reaction. Regular Kissing can make you stay away from antibiotics and Antihistamine!
5. Improves oral hygiene: Kissing increases salivation causing increase release of enzymes which cleans up the plaques in tooth and there by prevent tooth decay. These enzymes fight bacteria in oral cavity.
6. Improves mood and decrease stress: Kissing causes you to release mood elevating hormones like dopamine and serotonin to elate your mood. Kissing can cause the release of oxytocin from a female’s brain to cause strong bonding with her partner. Kissing can cause release of endorphins that calms the mind and body. Kissing can cause decrease in the stress hormone “the adrenaline” by decreasing it production from body by decreasing the sympathetic stimulation to adrenal gland. In one study it was found that men who received a passionate kiss before they left for work earned more money. Thus this passionate kiss boost one’s self esteem and reflects it in his workplace and business creating an awesome customer interaction.
7. Relieves menstrual cramp: Kissing can cause dilatation of blood vessels, and release of endorphins to put away the menstrual cramps. This can put you away from the mefanamic acid and dicyclomine tablets.
8. Relieve Headache and migraine: Kissing can cause dilatation of blood vessels, and release of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins to put away the tension headaches and migraine. This can make you stay away from analgesics and sumatriptans!
9. Improves the Tone of facial muscles: Kissing involves the harmonious group work of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. Regular kissing increases the tone of facial muscles. This helps in conveying the right facial expressions to people around you in bringing an effective communication. This also helps in relieving facial palsy and muscular dystonia. Regular kissing help to shape your neck by persistent workout.
Science has once again shown how regular kissing of our partner not only helps keep our relations strong and vital but also beneficial to our health. Find your partner and give them a big kiss!
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. March 23, 2016.
Listen guys, we’re sorry. You've gotten an entirely unjustified, bad rap for being "disgusting" creatures. This isn't necessarily true anymore. The modern male is up on proper hygiene and genuinely takes pride in his appearance, and we salute you. You've come a long way, baby!
Still, there are a few minor grooming habits that we would like to never see again. Ever. It's 2016. These should be off the menu.
1. Soul patches
I don’t know who sent around the memo that chicks dig a dude with a tiny, absorbent, square-sized patch of hair 'neath their bottom lip, but shame on that person. Forever. Nothing that is nicknamed a "flavor saver" should be on any part of your body. Especially not near lips, which we like to kiss. Nothing like going in for a wet one and tasting exactly what you had for lunch.
2. Too much cologne
A little musk of man is definitely a turn-on, especially if we catch a whiff of it on one of our T-shirts the next day. That said, there are men who have completely missed the art of subtlety. We want to sense you are near, not be sucker-punched in the face as the insides of our nasal passages dissolve with the five-alarm fire you are setting off in your wake.
3. Poor nail hygiene
Let’s start with fingernails, which are attached to your fingers, which you touch us with... ideally. Keep. Them. Clean. Don’t get me wrong -- it’s hot to be with a man who likes to work with his hands and get them a dirty. But whatever it is you were working on does not belong inside of me in any capacity. Clean your nails. And keep them short because, well, ow. Which carries us into toenails, body parts that ought to remain as inconspicuous as possible. No need to call our attention to your feet for any reason, so let’s also keep those puppies short and clean. No one is saying you need to get a mani/pedi (although that’s not the worst idea), but being on top of the situation will go a long way.
4. Chinstrap beards
We USED to be into the Backstreet Boys. We are not anymore. These beards look foolish, boyish and so yesterday!
5. Waxing anywhere (except the back)
It’s not that we don’t appreciate the aesthetic you’re going for and the trouble you’re going through. Women are well versed in waxing; be it eyebrows, legs, or our entire vulvas. Apparently the prepubescent look is totally in. But you are a man. And men have body hair. And it’s usually a big selling point for us baby-bodied females. Embrace your masculinity. Waxed arms, legs, and chests on men belong nowhere unless that place is South Jersey and your name is Pauly, Ronnie, Vinny, or The Situation, and you are on the television for our entertainment. (Ignore all of this if you have back hair. Also anyone who has ever heard, "Take off your sweater," when you were not, in fact, wearing one, may be excused.)
6. Using bar soap for your entire body
So that bar of soap has been on your balls, your backend and your face. It’s all very unsexy and bad. Consider a body wash. Not all of them smell like summer rain and nectarines.
7. An outrageous amount of pubic hair – learn to manscape!
We like hair on men, but, like, not TOO much. Especially if it’s poorly sculpted, '90s-era boy-band hair. But we definitely do love beards. But not if the beard is on your back. Got it? Nope? Don't feel bad. With women and male hair, it's pretty simple: we want it where we want it and we don’t want it where we don’t. Pubic hair on a man is not as controversial a topic as it is on women. We basically just like to be able to find what we’re looking for. If your genital area looks like Hagar the Horrible, it's probably too much.
8. Lack of lotion
It’s not like you DON’T have lotion. We’ve seen that bottle of Lubriderm you keep bedside. Believe it or not, it can serve MANY purposes. Consider rubbing it on other parts of your body so that when we encounter each other naked it’s not like rubbing our boobs on sandpaper. Just a thought.
9. Picking things
Skin, nose, balls. We see it. And then we can't unsee it.
Men, as women we want to see you at your BEST. Don’t look to another man for guidance but to women. We will tell you what we like and what we don’t want. The important thing is to be yourself and not what everyone else thinks you should be like – especially another man!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Wednesday, March 16, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
” I do not love; I do not love anybody except myself. That is a rather shocking thing to admit. I have none of the selfless love of my mother. I have none of the plodding, practical love….I am, to be blunt and concise, in love only with myself, my puny being with its small inadequate breasts and meager, thin talents. I am capable of affection for those who reflect my own world.“ ~Sylvia Plath
Does your mother fail to show any genuine love for you…or empathy? The trademark of a narcissistic mother is her inability to give love or empathy to her child. One of the hallmark symptoms of a narcissist is her inability to perceive others as people with needs of their own. A narcissistic mother is only able to see her children as extensions of herself-little mirrors that reflect back to her. She values her children only so much as the children can benefit her; she is exceptionally self-absorbed, sometimes to the point of grandiosity. A mother with narcissism may demand that her children excel in school and sports for the simple reason that it will make her look like an admirable mother to people outside of the immediate family. It is of no importance to her whether or not the children develop, or even learn, from these achievements as long as her reputation remains intact.
Characteristic signs of a narcissistic mother would also include excessive preoccupation with herself and with her self-image. She is unable to give her children even the most basic emotional support that they need to grow up to be well-adjusted adults. Narcissists can go into a “narcissistic rage” over the littlest thing which results in belittling, emotionally abusing and, not infrequently, physically abusing her children. The typical narcissistic mother is almost impossible to please no matter what the circumstances. She often snubs or scorns her children’s attempts for affection.
A narcissistic mother does not have children for the same reasons a healthy person would. She does not look forward to their births to see what they look like or watch their personalities develop. She has them strictly for the sake of having more mirrors to look at herself in she wants little miniatures of herself. She resents all the work that goes into child rearing and sees it as a burden. She “hands off” child rearing, inappropriately, to the child itself as soon as she can. A narcissistic mother may come off as a loving, caring parent because she will have an exclusive and possessively close relationship with her children in order to control and manipulate them. Although most parents watch with pride as their child begins to learn independence, a narcissistic mother feels every step away from her is an absolute act of betrayal.
Other characteristic signs of a narcissistic mother are habitual lying and constant criticism of the child under the guise of being a caring parent. She lets them know in no uncertain terms, verbally and nonverbally, that they are not as good as other people.
Her narcissistic tendencies do not end in childhood but continue on through adulthood where she continues to interfere and damage their self-esteem and any relationships they might form. Children of narcissistic parents frequently experience difficulty forming healthy relationships and are at increased risk for depression and anxiety.
21 signs of a narcissistic mother (be concerned if she has many of them)
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. March 09, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
Perhaps the sexual orientation we choose is different, but in general, men are more alike than not. So, let’s do some good together!
Rick Clemons writes; “Since the dawn of my coming out, I’ve been struggling; fighting to come to terms with my gay self, my “man’s man” masculinity, and my heterosexual detour of 38 years.”
I always felt uncomfortable in the confines of my heterosexual skin. Of course, that’s because it wasn’t my true self, leaving me to feel like I was squeezing a too small jock strap on my hairy XL butt!
I didn’t realize a great majority of the gross discomfort eating me alive was actually deeply rooted in my traditional masculine energy and male DNA (not my sexual orientation)! It took me being out of the closet, and about 40 years of living, to truly grow into my big boy boxers comfortably.
Once I figured this out for myself I wondered if other men — gay, straight, or otherwise — also feel that we’re so much more alike (than we care to initially notice) than different. It turns out men ALL struggle with some of the same things in our culture:
1. The pressure to be a “man’s man” is tough!
The sense of hyper-masculinity that often divides the gays from the straights isn’t just a fear of gay guys. Many “normal” males experience less than masculine moments and don’t know what to do with them.Solution? Define masculinity in your own way — live it, be it, breathe it! Define being a man for yourself, not for the comfort of others.
2. Feeling inferior in the bedroom is a cross we all bear
Even if you’re “Johnny Porn Star” on the spot and can climax on cue, at some point in your life, you’ve wondered if your penis measures up and will perform to the task at hand. Guess what? Gay or straight, all men experience performance anxiety and inferiority complexes about our “Mr. Happy’s.” Yes! Even you “Mr. 6 x 9!” Get over it and admit — our penis is simply an appendage that, just like our arms, fingers, toes, and legs, sometimes works at peak performance and other times — well — not so much. In those moments when it doesn’t come through for you (or for your partner), remember it isn’t a sign of being less of a man.
3. We crave permission to show our “feminine side” more
I’m not advocating cross dressing here. (However, if that’s your thing and you feel man enough to do it, then go for it.) What I AM encouraging is letting your softer side show. It isn’t going to make you a bleeding liberal or light in the pants. Inviting our “feminine” forward is like exploring a new IPA or fine Pinot Noir. Heck, if you want to explore as if you’re at a Tequila tasting bar, go for it. The point is, when you explore your feminine side you’re simply saying, “Damn, it feels good to take that armor off and slip into something a little more comfortable!” Plus, your gal or guy will probably find it kind of sexy to see the softer side of their man.
4. Bromance isn’t a sexual thing, but it is a REAL thing
From the days of our forefathers, there’s been a vibe of “Check him out” among men that’s never been spoken. It’s there, but rarely uttered because that’s significantly way too much information for most men’s ears to absorb. Then one day, some linguist coined the term “Metrosexual” and before you new it, Bromancewas slipping off tongues of “Captains of Industry” and gym rats across the globe. Suddenly it was cool (or, hip?) to have your BROOOO … mance with the man of your masculine dreams (David Beckham, we’re looking at you!)… no sex required.
I say all this to explain, admiration between men is just that … admirable and it’s a significant piece of building a positive world to live in. So go ahead, give that Bro a wink, a high-five, and throw in a tush pat for good luck!
5. We need to cry once in awhile
Screw the days of “never see a grown man cry,” and cut loose with the water works. Joy, pain, giddiness (no it’s not just for women … it’s for HUMANS), and frustration are all means for establishing a “Men’s Crying Group Meet-up.” Tears release stressand negativity and allow positivity to step back into place. And, if you feel one trickling down your cheek watching Frozen, just suck it up and let ’em rip. There’s nothing more sexy to your woman (or man) or empowering to your kids than allowing them to see the main man in their life being a hu-man who is allowed to feel vulnerable once in awhile.
Now, about that “differentness” that divides us gay and straight men — sexual orientation. How about we all just wear our own as a badge of honor? It’s our differentness that sets us apart and systematically keeps guys from living together who shouldn’t cohabitate, and prevents women from gnashing their teeth, ending up with the less manly men to try to fix it. Of course, for some women, they’d appreciate having their own 24/7 shopping mate, interior designer, and coffee chat girlfriend who really gets their issues with men! But, that’s what B.G.F (Best Gay Friends) are for; actually, it wouldn’t hurt you straight guys to have a B.G.F to help you impress your gal, and conversely it wouldn’t be too tragic for gay guys to have a B.S.F (Best Straight Friend) for doing the manual labor stuff that “gay men just don’t know how to do!”
The moment we start embracing our sameness as men AND digging our differentness, the sooner we unite in oneness to make the planet a better place to live. Are you with me, brother?
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, March 02, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
By Jenny Kutner & Shane Pruitt
Unless, it’s an Apple product, millennials aren’t completely committed to anything. Previous generations may have valued commitment over enjoyment by making statements such as, “I’ve hated my job for over 40 years, but I’m committed to it.” However, you’ll probably never hear a millennial say that because they tend to value enjoyment over commitment. So they may say something like, “Why be miserable for 40 years? I may make less money and ‘move around’ a lot, but I certainly don’t want to be miserable. Life is too short for that!”
For the most part, millennials don’t value “heritage.” Many people tend to think that millennials don’t want to have anything to do with the older generation. Yet research shows this generation is in desperate need for older generations to invest into them. This is largely a fatherless generation due to the high divorce rate in the US. The millennials often seek out or are more open to discipleship or mentorship then we tend to believe. But, they won’t know how to ask for it, so they ask you to “hangout.”
Millennials often seem shortsighted. Of course, we’re all influenced by our environment. Think about it—the defining moment of their lifetime is the tragic events of 9/11. They saw the twin towers fall over and over again on a video screen while they were still children. It’s burned into their subconscious. Because there is so much focus on today, there will be very little preparation for the future in most millennials. This is also the reason for a lot of debt with this generation. “I need money today, so I’ll take out this loan, and worry about how to pay for it tomorrow.”
Millennials Have a Serious 'Failure to Commit' Problem. Here Are Some of the Reasons:
1. We're busy starting our careers.
Compared to our parent and grandparents, nearly twice as many 20-something are employed. But millennials aren't just "part of the workforce." We have careers that we passionate about. And sometimes, having a partner just doesn't fit into the equation.
Some millennials have said; "No matter how much a partner could bring a level of sparkle and support to my life, ultimately I will be spending the majority of my waking hours working, so it is of utmost importance to me that my work bring me joy," Megan, 23, told Mic. "Additionally, my time is precious, valuable. It is my responsibility to keep it that way, so any partner who I devote any of my precious time to needs to understand and value my commitment to my work."
Prioritizing professional development over partnership can actually have significant economic too. A report from the National Marriage Project found that college-educated millennials who stayed unmarried throughout their 20s earned more than $18,000 annually, on average, than those who married before turning 30.
2. We're busy racking up advanced degrees.
In addition to comprising a massive sector of today's labor force, millennials are also more likely to have received a bachelor's degree than any previous generation. There's also a higher proportion of young women pursuing advanced degrees than young men, according to a Status of Women in the States report. These women might be more likely to prioritize grad school over having a partner (specifically if that partner is a guy whojust doesn't measure up in terms of educational achievement).
"I went to grad school and am still kind of getting my footing career-wise, so I think I've also avoided looking for a relationship because I want to be more settled in my career first," Jaime, 30, told Mic. "I wouldn't necessarily want to date the male version of me — someone who doesn't have their job life in order. So I don't feel right being out there trying to date someone when I just don't feel like I have things more in order and settled."
3. Millennials have obscene student loan debt!
Money problems can ruin a relationship. And boy, do we have some serious money problems plaguing the millennial generation. In addition to coming of age during an economic recession, all that higher education we've been paying for will cost us dearly over the years.
Recently, the class of 2015 officially became the college graduates with the most student loan debt in history. When figuring out whether to get serious with a partner, the cost of companionship matters.
"Despite making very little money, I am extremely responsible with my own finances, and am steadily paying back my student loans and saving for retirement," Michael said. "If my partner has a ton of student loans, that would make me pause, and if my partner is horrific with handling money, I definitely don't want to partner with them."
So for millennials who do want committed partners, student debt and other financial concerns can also deter them from tying the knot. As one Tumblr user it, "marriages are ridiculously expensive, and so are divorce lawyers."
4. Millennials aren't particularly religious.
A Pew Research Center survey found that today's millennial generation of adults is significantly less likely to align with a particular religious group than older generations, with an increasing number of millennials identifying as religious "nones." That means that this young generation is not only opting out of traditional religious affiliation, but also actively labeling themselves agnostic, atheist or just not super interested in spirituality.
Sociological researchers suspect millennials' general disinterest in religion is one of the key factors driving down marriage rates, but it might also contribute to the growing comfort young men and women feel leading their own single lives.
5. Millennials haven't met "the right person."
Despite millennials' general aversion to marriage, monogamy is still idealized in many circles and it's not something to be taken lightly. While our generation is open to open relationships, sexual fluidity and having multiple partners over a lifetime, we still want those connections to count.
"I think I will be totally happy and fulfilled as a nonmarried person, with or without a partner, and I want the freedom to create and live my own life how I want to," Rebecca, 24, told Mic. "I would consider marrying if I met someone with similar enough interests and personalities that I wouldn't have to compromise too much of what I wanted to be with them."
Michael agreed. "I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than marry another person who doesn't stand with me on equal footing," he told Mic. "That's also not an easy thing to find."
6. Millennials are working on being better people.
Being single can also help millennials become more socially conscious, all-around better people. A recent study found that single people were more likely to have active social lives, as well as a greater tendency to offer help to friends, family and their communities. Which kinda makes sense: After all, you probably have a lot more time to volunteer at your favorite charity organization if you're not spending all of it catching up on The Walking Dead with your partner.
7. Millennials want to have sex – lots of sex!
Most millennials are constantly on the go and don’t have time to plant down roots in long term relationships. In prior generations where the emphasis may have been on getting married so you could have sex that leads to having children as well as a house, millennials just want the benefit of sex – no strings attached. Friends with benefits (FWB) or just hook ups.
Lindsey, 21, put it a bit more delicately: "I want to be able to have freedom to explore my sexuality and the world and I am way too young to think about having to give that up for marriage, children, or having a home."
8. Millennials don’t want the “old American Dream”.
Many millennials are not seeking the “American Dream” that many generations before sought. Millennials don’t want to be bogged down with the attachment of a home. They want the freedom to come and go as they please. Millennials aren’t looking to work for one corporation or boss for too long, it stifles them and locks them into the monotony they saw in their parents lives – how boring! The non-commitment of millennials gives more their friends, traveling for work or for play or for months at a time; dating and having lots of sex, or eating gigantic Tex-Mex dinners and then falling asleep in the middle of the bed.
"Having the freedom to build my own life without having to factor in too much responsibility is my main priority and I need to do that first." Allyson, 24, told Mic.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. February 23, 2016
By Mary May Larmoyeux
Here are some creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.”
Is it more important to love … or to be loved?
Most of us would agree with George Eliot’s words, “I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.” Valentine’s Day is the occasion when you can experience both. We asked FamilyLife Facebook friends and e-mail readers to share some of their favorite Valentine’s Day ideas.
With a little help from our friends, here are 25 creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.”
1.On small pieces of paper, write down every kind of kiss that you can think of (examples: passionate, on the cheek, etc.). Then fill an inexpensive red felt bag with your “kisses” and give it to your spouse. Ask your spouse to pull several pieces of paper from the felt bag, and then give your sweetheart whatever kind of kiss is described.
2.Make a book about why you love your spouse and why you are thankful for him/her. The woman who sent this idea wrote, “He loved it! Said it was the best gift he has ever gotten. And it helped me to focus on the things I love about my husband and not his shortcomings.”
3.Take your sweetie on a scavenger hunt. Ask him/her to answer riddles to find the clues to items that you placed somewhere around town. The last item should give instructions that lead to your Valentine’s Day activities.
4.After enjoying a candlelight dinner for two at home, give your spouse a massage and watch a romantic movie. The woman who suggested this wrote, “Last Valentine’s Day when I got home from work, my husband … had our bedroom set up with a candlelit table for two. He is NOT a cook but he made an awesome meal … grilled steak, sautéed shrimp in lemon, garlic, and butter, a vegetable, and [he] bought a chocolate fountain that was flowing—surrounded by fresh fruit for dipping. After dinner he led me over to his homemade massage table. … We ended our special night with a romantic movie.”
5.Surprise your spouse with a special getaway together. The man who suggested this made reservations at a bed and breakfast, arranged for childcare, asked for time off from work for himself and his wife, and packed his and her bags. When he asked his wife to go to lunch on Valentine’s Day she was in for a wonderful surprise. “The little bit of effort I put into that weekend paid off huge for weeks to come.”
6.Give your wife a dozen roses. On each stem attach a note for a future date—to do something that she would enjoy. (For example, “Go to the symphony.”)
7.If possible, go on a date with your spouse to a restaurant that you enjoyed when you first met. After you order your meal, take some time to write down favorite memories from the past year. Then share your lists.
8.Have 11 roses delivered to your wife, and then give her a 12th yourself while reading her a love poem.
9.Fill a large box with helium balloons and special gifts for Valentine’s Day. The woman who suggested this said that her gifts included “new sleep shorts for him and a new nightgown for me, a box of chocolate-covered strawberries and red napkins ... some new candles, and a romantic CD. He got the hint. And loved the weekend.”
10.Create an intimate Valentine’s Day evening at home, without the children. The woman who suggested this idea said that she and her husband “enjoyed planning the menu, shopping for the meal, and ultimately preparing the meal together. Cooking to soft, romantic music can really be a turn on! While dining, the same soft, romantic music is a wonderful mood-setter. Dinner was followed by just the two of us having the whole dance floor, our den, to ourselves. I won’t say what all this led to, but it was a truly romantic night that would not have happened at the local restaurant!”
11.Order food from a take-out restaurant and have a picnic for all the Valentines in your family on your living room floor. The person who suggested this said, “The kids look forward to this every year. When we tried to change it, they wouldn’t allow it ... it has become a tradition. The kids see the value of family and a loving marriage.”
12.Privacy and weather permitting, watch a romantic movie on your deck or patio.
13. If you are separated across the miles, send a care package filled with things that are red.
14.Make a meal with symbols of love. Examples: Write I love you with string beans, make a tart in the shape of a heart …
15.Hide little heart candies in your spouse’s shoes, coat, car, etc. The woman who suggested this said that she’s been doing this for decades. “Now a couple of the grandkids help me with delight.”
16.Wives, show up at your husband’s office before lunch. Call him from the parking lot and tell him you are going to take him for a lunch rendezvous and that you will be waiting for him whenever he can take a break. Wear a nice outfit and tell him you have something sexy on underneath for when he gets home. Take him to a nice place for lunch and back to the office. Give him some great kisses telling him how glad you are to be married to him, and tell him you will be waiting for him when he gets home.
17.Fill a jar with Valentine candy and notes for your spouse. Examples of notes are: Good for a backrub, 10 kisses, etc. Notes could also express your love and respect: “I am so glad that God blessed my life with such a great husband like you.” Individually roll each note and tie it with a ribbon.
18.Surprise your spouse by taking a vacation day from work and enjoy Valentine’s Day at home. Have a relaxing morning together on the porch, deck, or patio. Then go to a favorite restaurant for lunch. The man who suggested this idea had also reserved a spa treatment and tanning session for his wife. “While she was doing that,” he says, “I went home and made her a special dinner.”
19.Write a poem for your spouse and frame it.
20.On individual note cards, write why you love your spouse. Insert these cards in a small photo album. The woman who suggested this idea began her album with a honeymoon picture and introductory note card, and ended it with a love note.
21.Surprise your husband when he comes home from work on February 14. Place a welcome sign on the kitchen table and leave a trail of red foil-wrapped Hershey kisses to your bedroom.
22.With roses in hand and permission from your wife’s boss, go to her workplace and read a love poem to her. The woman who shared this idea said, “I am a teacher in an inner-city school. Last year my husband dressed in my favorite suit and tie, came to my school with roses in hand. He got permission and assistance from the office staff to open the speaker system into my classroom and proceeded to read a long and beautiful love poem to me. He then came to my classroom and presented me with the bouquet of roses which I received while wiping my tears of joy and love for this wonderful man whom I have been married to for just under 30 years.”
23.Make a special “14 Reasons I Love You” Valentine’s Day breakfast for your sweetheart. On his/her plate, leave a letter or card listing 14 reasons that you love your spouse.
24.If possible, send a card postmarked in a town that has a romantic name such as Loveland, Colorado; Valentine, Texas; or Romance, Arkansas.
25.After your spouse goes to bed, tape notes to his car’s steering wheel with reasons that you love him, or decorate the bathroom mirror with lipstick kisses or Valentine’s window clings.
Have fun on February 14, and remember: Love is not meant to be given and received just on Valentine’s Day. Instead, it’s to be practiced every single day of the entire year.
Copyright © 2013 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. February 03, 2016.
Often, psychopaths will attempt to distort reality to create doubt in your mind about the way things really happened in the past. This is one of the oldest manipulation techniques in the book. Don't let them do it to you.
2. They turn everything back on you.
The psychopath constantly makes everything your fault. If they cheated on you, it's because of something YOU did, right? They constantly scapegoat every poor decision they make onto you, saying that you made them feel a certain way or you pushed them into doing something wrong. Don't buy it.
3. They tear you down.
The psychopath maintains their position of power in a relationship by making themselves seem better than you, above you. They do this through condescension and tearing you down. They try to make you look ridiculous in front of your friends and family, all while seeming great themselves.
4. They isolate you.
This is one of their sneakier actions. In an attempt to control you, they isolate you from your friends and family. You naturally want to go out and have fun with them, but ohh, gosh, they just don't feel like it tonight. Or ever. Sound familiar? Next thing you know, you never see your friends anymore. It's a subtle manipulation.
5. They insist it's always your fault.
It's how they absolve themselves of any kind of sin they may have committed. A psychopath can't ever admit to wrong doing so they force it onto you.
It’s sad to learn that the one you love is an emotional psychopath and had manipulated you for so long. When you truly love someone you love them completely and unconditionally. If you find yourself constantly trying to make the person you are with happy and yet all they do is find anything and everything wrong with you, then you’re with the wrong person. Love yourself enough to know YOU deserve more!
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. February 03,2016
The question of what women and men want has been baffling people for years. Many books, papers, irate blogs, pick-up artist seminars, films, art, and music have been devoted to this pressing topic, each one seeming to contradict the last. If we are to believe men’s magazines, women want men to dip their penises into a jar of Nutella. If we are to believe women’s magazines, women want to fellate donuts. If we are to believe fan fiction (erotica involving characters from books, TV and movies), which is primarily written by women, women want to see Severus Snape from Harry Potter get it on with a Teletubby.
Predictably, science has stepped in to provide some more concrete answers than those involving pastries or fuzzy aliens. The following studies set out to discover what turns women on as well as men. The results will definitely surprise you.
1. Everything, but a naked male. What didn’t turn women on was the muscled naked man. Women preferred real average looking men because they represented
2. Ten-day-old beards. A study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in April of this year found that straight women are more attracted to men with beards, specifically 10-day stubble and full beards. Researchers from the University of New South Wales had both men and women rate the attractiveness of different facial hair growth (clean-shaven, five-day stubble, 10-day stubble, full beards). While the men gave higher ratings for the clean-shaven look, women rated clean-shaven faces as the least attractive.
3. The names James, Jack and Ryan. What’s in a name? A lot, it seems. Richard Wiseman conducted what he called “The Name Experiment,” which he presented at the 2008 Edinburgh International Science Festival. Wiseman surveyed more than 6,000 people in order to find out what names people in the UK most associate with success, luck and attractiveness.
Women found Ryan to be the most attractive name, followed by James and Jack. James was also deemed most successful, which perhaps explains why it took us so long to get over the crippling rejection of our high school boyfriend. The least attractive names were Peter, Thomas and George. For women, men found the names Sophie, Rachel and Olivia to be the most attractive while Helen, Jane and Ann to be the least attractive. Wiseman also points out that “Women shared strong opinions about names, whereas men are more even-handed.”
4. Gasoline, leather, printer ink. Take this “study” with a large grain of salt, or if you’re a man, a large dab of baby oil. A survey by soap company Daz involving 2,000 participants determined that British women are turned on by the smell of leather, gasoline, paint, and printer ink (?), while men are turned on by the scent of lipstick, baby lotion or a roast dinner.
While the erotic potential of printer ink has been thoroughly documented (PUT IT IN MY TRAY), we have no idea how the soap company supposedly came to these conclusions. It seems like, from the items mentioned, these “researchers” were just trying to get women high in a really ineffective manner. “Here, inhale some gasoline. It’s for science.”
5. Good ‘n’ Plenty Candy. As we wrote previously, ladies are not so keen on the smell of male cologne. According to a study from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, men should step away from the Axe Body Spray immediately, as it repels women. Specifically: “Men’s colognes actually reduced vaginal blood flow.” Foundation director Al Hirsch came to this conclusion by placing surgical masks scented with 10 different aromas on the ladies”.
6. Tooth-brushing. A 2003 case study in Seizure found that a 41-year-old Taiwanese woman experienced orgasm once or twice a week from the mere act of brushing her teeth (followed by a mild non-convulsive seizure). Neurologists at Chang Gung Memorial Hospital were predictably baffled and performed a number of tests on the woman. Researchers discovered it was the smell of toothpaste that was triggering the orgasms.
The turn-ons for men were:
You know many things most men find attractive in a woman but do you know that there are a few absolutely weird things almost every man finds attractive in his woman? I must admit I didn’t know most of these strange things until I started working on this post. I’ve found the information for this post through some research and interviews with men. Enjoy learning about weird things men find attractive in women and don’t forget to share your thoughts after reading through.
Knowing the turn-ons of women and men hopefully will aid in your love connection!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. January 27, 2016.
I don’t personally agree with all of these things (and some of it’s a little dubious to me), but here’s what the “experts” say about dating. As they say, knowledge is power:
Fact 1: You can’t put a timeline on a relationship, and there’s no telling when exclusivity is right for you, but according to a study from Lisa Daily, most couples get into an “exclusive” relationship after 6 to 8 dates.
Fact 2: Daily’s study also suggests that men know when they’re falling for someone as soon as three dates in. Women take longer, reporting the same feelings around date 14. Interestingly, that’s exactly the same time that most couples say they exchange keys to each other’s homes: between the 12th and 14th date.
Fact 3: They say that most of communication is non-verbal, and “they” are right. Most women (57%) said that their first impressions of a guy are based off of his body language and self-presentation. Just 38% judged him on how he speaks and a low 7% cared about what he actually said. So, basically, women and men aren’t that different after all.
Fact 4: Of course, body type matters in attracting a mate, but being “too skinny” counts against you much less than being overweight. Although overweight people are viewed highly unfavorably (even amongst children), people are more likely to ascribe positive characteristics to skinny people. According to Victoria Zdrock, they are often seem as “intelligent,” although “fearful,” as if every thin person were Woody Allen.
Fact 5: As far as who pays, Match suggests that increasing amounts of Americans are eschewing the traditional rule that the man pays for the first date. Between 2010 and 2012, the number of people who said that whoever did the asking should do the paying shot up from 21% to 32%, a 50% increase in just two years.
Fact 6: During the same time period, women were increasingly initiating nookie — because, hey, they’re horny, too. In 2010, just over a third of women said that they would make the first move, but last year, almost half reported taking that initial baby step.
Fact 7: According to AskMen.com, Italian and Chinese food are a favorites on dates, although Italian may be best prepared at home. They recommend Sushi for a second or third date and more adventurous choices like Moroccan or Ethopian for later dates, when you know if they would be into that sort of thing. (This is how you know you have a keeper.) Greek is best consumed on a double date.
Fact 8: According to Victoria Zdrock (aka Dr. Z), women said that ten of their biggest turn-offs were farting/burping, unkempt cuticles, nose hair, bad taste in eyeglasses, bad hair, acne, “man boobs” and when their date is missing a tooth.
Fact 9: When it comes to independence and finances, women are more likely than men to say that they need independence in a relationship. Women report much higher needs of personal space, with 93% saying it’s very important to them, compared to 81% of men. While 63% of men say that they need their own finances in a serious relationship, a much higher 77% of women affirm that they want to keep those bank accounts separate.
Fact 10: Instatistics that’s sad, one study says that a woman will up her likelihood of divorce by 5% for every $5000 dollars she earns over her husband’s salary. But if it ended badly, she might win in the end. Research has shown that divorce is a killer — shortening male life expectancy by almost 4 years.
Fact 11: Should a couple break up, the average breakup time is between the three and five month period, when things are just starting to get serious. Most breakups are announced on a Monday, because what could be worse than going back to work, right?
Fact 12: If you date online, you can often expect to break up online. According to the Match singles, 48% of their breakups took place over email. Luckily, though, only 5% of total breakups occurred over text message.
Fact 13: Although you can meet someone just about anywhere, workplace relationships have a strangely high success rate — if your goal is to put a ring on it. Around 40% of romances that start at the water cooler result in marriage. So make sure to wear that nice dress to your next office party ladies. Beyonce is watching.
Fact 14: Also, you know how those girls on Sex and the City always complained about how there were so many single women but so few single men? That might be true, as the Census suggests. Nationally there are 86 eligible males for every 100 women. However, there are 100 million single people in the US, so one of them has to work out — at least I hope. If you live in New York or Washington and are looking for love, you may be in luck. According to 2009 Census stats, those two states have the highest percentages of singles — with Washington reporting a whopping 70%. But Idaho has the highest rate of married folks at 60%. Utah is close behind at 59%. Insert your jokes here.
Fact 15: A survey in Glamour Magazine found that most women don’t want to buy sex toys online. 66% preferred to do it in person, like shopping for a new dress or a clutch. 61% of those women said the reason was that they found the experience of buying it to be a turn-on in and of itself. The part where your vibrator thrusts inside you all night is just an added, wonderful bonus.
Fact 16: Men often say that they like the natural look on a woman, but they’re liars. A memorable segment on Girl Code argued that “natural” for most men is Kim Kardashian, because they don’t think she’s wearing any makeup. And research shows that a) Kim Kardashian is wearing a ton of makeup and b) men like that anyway. TLC and Chemistry.com found that a woman in a bar will be approached an average of six minutes more quickly if she’s painted up.
Fact 17: Although we think that queer people are more into “hookup culture” than their het counterparts (“the gay lifestyle,” or whatever that means), that’s actually not true at all. Queer folks (all those on the LGBTQ spectrum) are more likely to report that “romance” is most important to them in a relationship. The rates are 38% for gay men, 36% for lesbians and 32% for overall single people.
Fact 18: Be careful what you’re sharing over the technology. According to Match.com, 48% of women and 38% of men say that they research someone online before they go out with them, and similar numbers state that they would flake on a date because they found something they didn’t like. If you’re sexting with your date, like a majority of the population do, know that almost a quarter of people say that they show them to other people. So be mindful when sharing nudes.
Fact 19: Lastly, we’re told that being in a relationship and being single are completely different, but those ol’ Match.com statistics show that’s not the case. Single people go out just as often as partnered folks do. When asked if they’re out 1-3 times each week, 52% of singles said yes, and the figure for relationshippers was nearly identical (46%). So, single people, don’t let anyone tell you that the grass is greener on the other side.
What do you think about these dating “facts?” Are they true for you? Let Dr. Kelly Brennan know at Drkellybrennan@gmail.com
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. January 20, 2016
You can feel really powerless when someone close to you needs help, but doesn’t want help. Find out why people don’t always seek help when they need it, and get some tips on how to support them, including knowing what to do when things get really serious.
This can help if:
Why people don’t want help
If people are finding things are getting the better of them, making a decision to seek help can be a really hard thing to do. Coming around to the realization that they're going through a rough patch can be scary and difficult, so it's understandable that many people take some time before deciding to seek help.
If someone you know is going through a tough time, and they're rejecting your offers of advice and support, it’s common to feel like you’re powerless to do anything. Feeling powerless is pretty awful and can be frustrating but, you can still be there for a friend that isn't ready to seek help. You might just need to take a different approach to the way you support them.
How to be there for someone who isn’t ready to get help
If you’ve been offering advice and support to someone, and they haven’t been responding very well, there are some things you should avoid doing, and some new strategies you can try.
When people try and pressure or force a friend to get help, it always comes from a good place, but it can actually have the opposite effect to what they intend – and could turn their friend off help seeking altogether. Avoiding a friend is also not a great idea –it’s likely to make them feel isolated, and it means if they do become ready to seek help, they might not feel comfortable about going to you for support.
Continue to be supportive. You can:
If things are really serious
While in most circumstances, it's a good idea to give a friend time to ready themselves to seek help, if you think someone is in danger or at risk as a result of what is going on, it’s important that you seek help immediately.
If you think your friend is in danger or at serious risk, but they don't want help, you might be worried about going against their wishes. However, it's better to have an angry friend than a friend who is in serious trouble or is seriously hurt. Check out the right hand side of the page for numbers to call in an emergency.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, January 13, 2016. Portland. Oregon.
By Dr. Phil McGraw, safehorizon.org and The National Domestic Violence Hotline(NDVH.org)
When and Where Does Domestic Violence Occur?
What Happens to Victims of Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence in America: General Statistics and Facts
What are the Effects of Domestic Violence on Children?
#1 FACT: Most domestic violence incidents are never reported.
Help change the facts. Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence.
Emotional Abuse: The Victim and Abuser
An emotionally abusive marriage consists of a victim and an abuser. Dr. Phil has something to say to both.
Six Steps to Protect Yourself in an Abusive Relationship
More than 25 percent of battered women and men remain in a relationship with their abuser. Are you one of those who stay? The National Network to End Domestic Violence shares the six steps to protect yourself and your children.
1) Listen to yourself and make plans for your safety.
If you feel afraid, there's probably a good reason for your fear. Don't hesitate to reach out for help.
2) Talk to an advocate at a domestic violence program.
These advocates can provide you with support and help and make plans to keep you and your children safe.
3) Talk to your kids about how to keep themselves safe if the situation were to escalate.
This may mean teaching them to call 911 or run to a neighbor's house if they feel threatened.
4) Make copies of all important paperwork.
Make copies of social security numbers, birth certificates, immunization records, and keep this documentation in a safe place.
5) Seek legal advice.
Try to locate an attorney who has experience dealing with domestic violence cases.
6) Seek a therapist.
If your partner is willing to work on his or her behavior, seek counseling. Even if your mate is unwilling to change, or doesn't view the behavior as violent, a good therapist can help you understand that the abuse is not about you.
If you or someone you love is being abused, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233). For more information, visit NDVH.org.
ByLou Macabasco and Honor Whiteman – December 21, 2015
We’re well into the Christmas holiday season once again.
This is a time of the year when most people are busy rushing to the malls buying gifts, attending parties, gathering with friends and family, and being merry. Indeed for many, this season is the most wonderful and happiest time of the year.
However, not everyone will be celebrating this holiday season merrily.
There are some who feel lonely and unhappy during this time of the year. Their loneliness may come from loss of loved ones through death, separation by physical distance, or through breakups. Other reasons may be that person is anti-social or too busy to participate in this festive season.
Why do some people feel lonely?
The word "lonely" is often used to describe a person who is physically alone due to lack of face-to-face contact with others. While this is true in part, it is not an accurate reflection of what loneliness really is.
According to UK mental health organization Mind, "loneliness is not feeling part of the world. You might be surrounded by loads of people, but you are still lonely."
There are a number of reasons why a person may feel lonely. Personal circumstances, such as the loss of a loved one, a relationship break-up or moving to a new area are common triggers.
Exclusion from social activities - due to lack of money, for example, or mobility problems - can also promote a sense of loneliness, and individuals may feel socially isolated as a result of poor self-confidence or psychological issues that make it hard to form new relationships.
Among older individuals, lack of socialization is a key trigger for loneliness; their children may have flown the nest, possibly moved away and started families of their own, making their visits to parents or grandparents less frequent. In a 2011 survey from Age UK, 12% of over-65s said they never spend time with their family.
According to a survey from the American Psychological Association, around 1 in 4 Americans report experiencing loneliness during the holiday season. Loneliness is not an issue that only arises at Christmas, however; a 2010 loneliness study from the AARP - formerly the American Association of Retired Persons - found that 35% of American adults aged 45 and over are lonely all year round.
But with such enormous focus on family gatherings and other social events during the holiday season, feelings of loneliness are often exacerbated at this time of year. If you feel lonely and unhappy during the holiday season, here are some tips on how to deal with loneliness — and how to make your Christmas holiday merrier.
1. Stop excluding yourself and go out.
If you are feeling lonely and down this Christmas holiday, instead of clinging to self-pity and seclusion (which will only worsen your loneliness), push yourself to go out and attend holiday parties and gatherings. I’m sure there are lots you can choose from, such as those held by your close friends and family, the community you live in, in school, or at work.
Attending Christmas holiday parties is a chance for you to meet different kinds of people. By being surrounded with lots of people — especially happy and positive people — you won’t feel as lonely as you do now.
2. Reach out to old friends and family.
You are given 365 days in a year, and you spend much of it minding your own life. As a result, you are so busy working that you neglect to find time to connect with family or friends. Now is the time to reach out to old friends or family you’ve neglected to give time and priority this year. Don’t be afraid to initiate. As they say: if you want something, you just have to ask.
3. Volunteer to a cause or event.
During Christmas, there are many charitable events and causes formed by different organizations that serve to help and make this season merrier to less fortunate people such as the poor and sick. You can find one organization around you and take the initiative to join the cause.
The benefit of joining these kinds of events will give you a different sense of happiness when you are able to help and make someone else happy. Also, it’s an opportunity for you to realize that your situation isn’t as bad as you think it is. There are more people who are less fortunate and lonelier than you are. Get inspiration and strength from them.
4. Give gifts to people around you.
Gift-giving is one of the famous activities during Christmas holiday season. The act of giving is a symbol of remembering the people in your lives, as well as a way to share one’s blessings.
There’s a saying that goes: “A sure way to be happy is to make someone else’s happy.”
Cure your loneliness by making another person happy. One way to do that is by giving gifts to those other than your friends and family. Give gifts to people like your office maintenance personnel, guards, co-workers, bus or taxi drivers — all the people that may not affect your life significantly and yet somehow they all are part of your life.
You don’t need to give an expensive gift, something even as simple as a Christmas greeting card will be fine. I’m sure you will feel happy once you see the surprised (and happy) expression on their faces once you hand them their gifts.
5. Focus your thoughts on what you have — instead of what you don’t have.
Often the reason for our loneliness and unhappiness roots from our thoughts or mindset. We focus our thoughts on what we don’t have instead of what we have — that’s why we always feel incomplete and unfulfilled.
During this joyous season, cure your loneliness by doing the opposite. Focus your thoughts on what you have instead of what you don’t have. Be grateful for all the blessings and opportunities you’ve had this year. Once you start pinpointing the things you were grateful for and blessed with this year, I’m sure you will realize that your life isn’t as bad as you think it is.
I hope you were able to pick up valuable tools on how to deal with loneliness during holiday season. Use these to make this time of the year a merry and joyous event. Merry Christmas.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. December 23, 2015.
By Cortney Peters, universityofficetech.com and Ki Mae Heussner – ABCNews.go.com
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again 100 times over- technology has changed everything. During Christmas time, people tend to reminisce and practice handed-down traditions, but as time goes on these traditions are evolving. Technology has had a major part in the evolution of holiday tradition, and here are some examples.
Here are just some ways technology has changed Christmas:
1) Greeting Cards. Okay, so yes they’re still for sale and we as a society still buy them, but times have changed. It used to be that a Christmas card was the only way to express your good tidings, but now in such a connected world as ours, that is no longer the case. E-cards, social media platforms and more have made it instantaneous and easy to share your Christmas photos and wishes.
Why is that better? Well first off, it’s free to do. Greeting cards are most definitely not and giving a card to everyone on your list is not cheap! They also are something that people typically throw away after the holidays are over. Yes, I said it! None of us want to admit it but a greeting cards’ ultimate destination is the trash. That’s a waste of money and trees! Virtual greetings are the present and future.
2) Holiday Decorating. Much of the holiday décor remains the same like tinsel, a Christmas tree, popcorn strings and lights, but as time goes on Christmas decorations are becoming more and more techy. These days there are LED lights, electronic ornaments, lights set to music, inflatable and animatronic characters, and even smart phone apps that allow you to turn your lights on and off remotely. The decorating world has been rocked by technology!
3) Family Gatherings. If you live close to your family, this isn’t a big change. But if you’ve had a family member move or who has always lived far away, technology might be playing a huge role in your holiday gatherings. Skype and FaceTime applications have made it so you can spend time with your family, virtually. Sure, it’s not the same as making the memories you’d have in person but it sure beats not seeing them at all!
Skype is partnering with the USO to help military families keep in touch during the holidays. Service personnel visiting USO centers in the Asia-Pacific can make free voice and video calls home via Skype.
4) Stalking Santa. Technology has even altered our perception of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Since 1955, the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) has tracked Santa's Christmas Eve ride around the world. In the beginning, children could call a hotline staffed by volunteers for an up-the-minute report of Santa Claus' location.
Now kids can keep tabs on Santa's progress and when he’ll make the debut in their homes through websites and applications like Google Earth and Maps, Twitter updates, Facebook messages, YouTube videos, Flickr photos and NORAD. The site is available in seven languages and went live Dec. 3.
5) Christmas Music. The classic Christmas songs will always be great to most of us, as the memories flood your ears along with the music. But the way we access music has changed. It is no longer that worn out cassette tape or even CD anymore, but Internet radio. You can get any song you’d ever want online!
6) Christmas Shopping. Many people are letting others do the scrambling for them by ordering presents online! You can have gifts shipped right to your door and even order them wrapped! Not to mention, you can track your gifts’ journey with real-time inventory accuracy.
7) Letters to Santa. Every year children write letters to Santa asking for the one thing they REALLY want for Christmas. Moms and dads mail the letters to the North Pole and the magic of Christmas begins for the child. Today letters to Santa are going away with technology, now children are texting or emailing letters to Santa!
8) High-Tech Holiday Shopping. Holiday shopping is hardly anything new, but thanks to technology, it's easier than ever (some might even say, too easy) to find gifts you want at a competitive price.
ShopSavvy, for example, is a free application for the iPhone and Android phones that uses a phone's camera to scan and read product barcodes to automatically compare prices among tens of thousands of online and brick-and-mortar retailers. It tells you where to buy the product and even provides reviews and directions to the store's location.
Applications like Coupon Sherpa and Coupons on Mobile -- MobiQpons (both free) help you find and aggregate coupons for the products you want. Other websites, like Gifts.com and Hunch.com's Gift Finder, use souped up algorithms to help you choose presents for the lucky people on your holiday list.
Still other sites make it extra easy for kids and adults to let their loved ones know what's on their holiday wish lists. For example, Amazon.com offers a wish list feature that lets users indicate books they'd like to read next and Bing's new Shopping List option lets users mark off items they like online and then share the lists with friends on Facebook.
9) GPS Tracking the Baby Jesus. Misfits planning to steal the Baby Jesus from church nativity scenes are in for a surprise. More and more churches are attaching GPS devices to their Baby Jesus so that if a ne'er do well runs off with the key component of the manger scene, they can track it down.
Brick House Security, a security and surveillance technology company, launched a program five years ago, starting with 30 communities. Now they provide free GPS trackers to churches in more than 100 communities.
10) Connected Cooks in the Kitchen. Extra cooks are not always welcome in the kitchen. And, especially around the holidays, traditional family recipes take center stage. But new websites and iPhone applications are making it easier than ever for holiday cooks -- both professional and amateur -- to exchange homegrown tips and recipes.
Epicurious and All-Recipes offer free iPhone and iPod Touch applications that not only include easy to find recipes, but also user reviews of each one. And the Food Network in the Kitchen application brings the channel's top chefs, like Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay, into your kitchen for $1.99.
11) No Change for the Salvation Army?Just Charge It. Next time the Salvation Army Santa chases you down, saying you're out of cash can't be an excuse for not contributing. For the first time, bell ringers toting the charity's iconic red kettles will be able to accept credit cards at locations nationwide.
Sally Gress, director of development for the Salvation Army of Broward County, Fla., told the Miami Herald that the credit card machines usually net larger donations. The average cash contribution is $2, but credit card donors typically give $15. "I think it's great we're moving to more high-tech,'' she said, "Who goes shopping with a wad of cash anymore?''
12) Hold the Holidays in Your Hands. No room for a Hanukkah menorah? No fireplace for a yule log? No matter which holiday you want to celebrate, there's a smartphone app for that.
Apple's iTunes app store is chock full of applications for holiday revelers of all kinds. The iMenorah application, for example, costs $2.99 and lets you light a virtual menorah. Just use your fingers to light the appropriate number of candles and then watch the candles burn down. The app even plays Hebrew songs.
For 99 cents, you can download the Sony Music Holiday Yule Log and watch a yule log glow on your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad screen as holiday songs play. The holiday section of the app store features apps for dreidel spinning, Christmas tree decorating, holiday baking and more.
Technology has indeed changed the way we celebrate holidays, but for the most part these changes are great! They make our lives easier and more connected. We’d like to take this time to say Merry Christmas to everyone! Have wonderful holidays!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. December 16, 2015.
By Susan Skog, www.beliefnet.com
There’s a deep wave of grassroots giving back sweeping the country. A surge of people across all age groups is volunteering like never before. But giving back doesn’t mean that you don’t get anything in return. Helping others reach for a new day rejuvenates us in ways that another margarita-soaked vacation, more stuff, a fatter resume, or a supersized house can’t begin to. We want to feel useful. We want to find meaning. We want to feel this alive and on fire with possibility. Here are some ways serving others can serve you--from finding your true calling to improving your health to boosting your overall sense of joy.
Check out 10 ways giving back can help you.
1. Your Anxiety and Depression are Erased.
Giving back helps others reach for a better day. But the delightful dividend? Volunteering helps you reach greater states of happiness and hope. You experience a potent euphoria known as "helper's high." This sense of usefulness, optimism and meaning can banish your brooding thoughts and clear out the cobwebs in your minds. Why? For one thing, giving back helps you stop fixating on your troubles and propels you to feel empowered and confident that you can make a difference.
The neural "glow" from helping others even shows up on MRI scans. Boston College researchers found that pain, depression, and disability in chronic pain patients decreased after volunteering. University of Texas and other researchers also find that volunteering eases depression.
2. Your Overall Health and Joy are Boosted.
"There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up." —Bernard Meltzer
When you're generous, we're generous to yourself. Your entire being undergoes a feel-good transformation at the cellular level when you support others, which boosts everything from your psychological outlook to heart and immune system. Instead of despairing about the world, you're embracing it wholeheartedly, taking on tough challenges to try to transform them with goodwill and optimism. You're also choosing to be "other centered," which streams wellbeing back to yourself.
Service is simply, powerful medicine. Research shows that teenagers who get turned on by service learning and volunteer work are much happier and more optimistic. They also get better grades and use drugs less. Volunteering even helps you live longer, according to University of California–Los Angeles researchers.
3. You Can Connect With a Cool Community.
Service work automatically connects you with an infectious, can-do community of kindred volunteers. In the summer of 2008, as the floodwaters rose throughout his Iowa City community, then eleven-year-old Scott Tribbey and his longtime friend Joe Britton were playing games on their Wii and PlayStation. "But then we got bored. So we decided to go and pitch in and help fill sandbags." Scott says. "It's no fun just to just gawk at the flood and just sit there and not do anything to help. It was actually pretty fun helping our community get through this."
Scott and Joe and their dads decided to join others filling sandbags. "We worked for about four hours and made about forty-five sandbags," Scott recalls. "It was really fun…And it made me really proud of my community," he adds.
4. You Receive Greater Clarity About Your Own Calling.
Marsha Wallace, a nurse in South Carolina, was restless with her work, "earnestly searching for my path." One night, Wallace was meditating, and she was jolted "like an electrical shock" by an idea. She quickly called twenty-five friends and hosted a unique potluck. What if they pooled the money they would have spent dining out and sent it instead to a women's project in the developing world? Wallace asked them. The women loved the idea and around that table, they launched Dining for Women. DFW's 130 chapters now raise money—one meal at a time—for projects around the world. "There are so many women with expendable income, if we could all band together, we could be a huge force with which to be reckoned!"
5. You Enjoy the Reward of Saving Lives
When I met Rose, through BeadforLife, a nonprofit I support that eases the poverty of HIV-positive women in Uganda, I felt a bone-deep happiness. Rose once was dying from AIDS. But now she knew she had something big going on— "BeadforLife has brushed the dust off my soul!" Rose was vibrant again and had just opened her first ever bank account. She was sending her children and her sister's children to school. Rose used to rise at 5:00 a.m. to beg in the streets. Now she was a force rising in the world. When Rose floated across the red earth, the air shimmered around her. I felt myself shimmer in her presence.
6. Your Job Performance Improves.
People who volunteer are resourceful, creative, – and have incredible staying power on the job. An international tax partner for PricewaterhouseCoopers, Oren Penn spent eight weeks on a corporate service fellowship to improve health in a remote Indian community, Orissa, one of the poorest areas of India. Penn worked with colleagues from the Netherlands and Mexico to ease severe poverty and unsafe health conditions in Orissa's ignored community of "untouchables." Working as an effective team in Orissa made him a much more effective team leader back home. "I've raised my game in terms of how I approach what I do," Penn says. "In my view, this is the best way to enjoy work, enhance your performance, and elevate all parts of your life as well."
7. You Sharpen Your Skills and Attract Employers.
Even as unemployment spikes in the country, we're seeing a surge in volunteering? What's going on? Many of us are concluding that while we're seeking a job, we want to roll up our sleeves and make a difference. Some have always wanted to have more time to give back – and now we do. Plus, that service keeps us optimistic that things will get better and primes us beautifully for our next, best job. Volunteering offers great experience, a chance to sharpen or learn new skills, and stay in the game – all increasingly desirable traits to any future employer.
8. You Stay Hopeful and Optimistic.
"I've never felt such an amazing sense of community," says Amanda Anderson-Green, a then twenty-five-year-old medical researcher from Seattle who spent three weeks on a Cross-Cultural Solutions volunteer vacation in Ghana through Travelocity's Travel for Good program. Each morning, she loved walking along red-dirt roads lined with women and children who'd smile and greet her as she went to volunteer at a center with HIV-positive people and AIDS orphans. "I was struck by the simplicity of it. People talked with me as if I was their neighbor.
They were so open, friendly, and accepting. They'd put their arms around me and thank me for coming." Now back in Seattle, she says, "I am still receiving the gifts from my trip. I knew I would have a rewarding adventure, but I had no idea how much going abroad would impact my views of community, happiness, and service here at home."
9. Other People and Places.
Jonathan Orc thought Africa was a very bad place: hot, poor, full of sickness and dirt. But he fell in love with people in Mali while teaching English and helping build a school. "We arrived at night, but they had been waiting for us all day long….I felt that I belonged there, like they were just saving a spot for me in their village the whole time.
I never really thought that they would spread their arms and accept us as family and not just as guests." Kids often approached Orc, offering him mangoes or help, even when he didn't need it. "Before, I used to see Africa as a crappy place, but now I see it at as a paradise… Africa is a beautiful and extraordinary place that changed my life."
10. You Connect with What It Means to be Human.
When John Heineman learned that more than tens of millions of Americans were stranded in the boat of having no health insurance, he took to the waters, literally. After he graduated from the University of Iowa, and after intensive training, he swam the English Channel to raise money for the Iowa City Free Medical Clinic "The waves were so big that I could not see much of anything but water." And he was stung many times by shoals of jellyfish. Moved by Heineman's generosity, $19,000 in support for the clinic streamed in from around the country. Along the way, Heineman says he's met priceless people served by the clinic. Those people, he says, are "his exposure to humanity at its finest."
If you want to feel this alive this holiday season, serve others! In doing so you will find true happiness and yourself as well as boosting your overall sense of joy.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. December 02, 2015.
By Jocelyn Voo from American Baby.com
Whether you're firstborn, middle child, last-born, or only child, birth order can have a big effect on your personality and behavior. What You Need to Know About Birth Order.
"The one thing you can bet your paycheck on is the firstborn and second-born in any given family are going to be different," says Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist who has studied birth order since 1967 and author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are (Revell). But how is it that a gregarious comedian and a reclusive, introspective thinker can be so different yet share the same genes? Psychologists like Leman believe the secret to sibling personality differences lies in birth order -- whether you're a first-, middle-, last-born, or only child -- and how parents treat their child because of it.
Meri Wallace, a child and family therapist for over 20 years and author of Birth Order Blues (Owl Books), agrees. "Some of it has to do with the way the parent relates to the child in his spot, and some of it actually happens because of the spot itself. Each spot has unique challenges," she explains.
Birth Order + Parenting = Behavior
Simply by virtue of being a couple's first child, a firstborn will naturally be a sort of experiment for the new parents, a mixture of instinct and trial-and-error. Perhaps this will cause the parents to become by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and overly neurotic about the minutiae. This in turn may cause the child to become a perfectionist, always striving to please his parents.
In contrast, if the couple decides to have a second child, they might raise their second-born with less of an iron first due to their experiences raising their firstborn. They might also be less attentive to the second-born since there's another child competing for attention, and they probably will be less inclined to impulsively dial 911 every time the child breaks a sweat. This may cause the second-born to be less of a perfectionist but more of a people-pleaser due to the lack of attention he gets in comparison to his older sibling.
In short, it's not necessarily the fact that a child came out of his mother's womb first that he grew up to be a leader who talks a blue streak. Rather, it's the fact that his parents treated him as their firstborn child that shaped his attitude and behavior.
As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:
Firstborns bask in their parents' presence, which may explain why they sometimes act like mini-adults. Firstborns are diligent and want to be the best at everything they do. They excel at winning the hearts of their elders.
Firstborns as Children
Lori Kiel McGowan, a public health consultant and mother of two boys in Cambridge, Massachusetts, can attest to that. She describes her 6-year-old firstborn son Kiel as a cautious boy who prefers the company of adults or younger children compared to that of his peers. "For his sixth birthday, we invited six friends of his choosing," McGowan recalls. "For maybe the first half hour to 45 minutes, he crawled into a corner behind a booth and cried. These were close friends from school and after-school and the neighborhood. But after [his cautiousness waned], he came out and had a great time." When presented with a new situation, Kiel's cautious nature manifested itself in temporary introversion. However, once he became acclimated to his new environment, his caution subsided.
Moreover, as for his behavior around his younger brother Fionn, Kiel plays the role of the "controlling big brother" to a T: "He alternately tries to hug him and push him down, or gets a toy or juice for him, and then takes something away to make him scream," McGowan says. "It's definitely a sibling love/hate thing."
The Grown-Up Firstborn
As firstborns grow older, their traits are not necessarily lost. Firstborn child Tracy Rackauskas, a 35-year-old from Denver, fully identifies herself as an achiever. "I want to be the best dressed, in a quirky-fashionable way; I want to have the best fantasy football team; I want to be the best editor; I want to be the most insightful and understanding partner; I want to be the sexiest and the smartest and the most interesting," Rackauskas says. "And it's not because I'm really competitive or want to be better than anybody else, but just because I want to be the best." Her ambition carried over to her studies in law school, where she studied all the time and prepared for exams by making her own outlines according to her specific organization system. Perhaps in part due to her diligence, Rackauskas graduated summa cum laude and now works as a legal editor, making sure everything that passes through her hands meets her standards.
"The middle child often feels left out and a sense of, 'Well, I'm not the oldest. I'm not the youngest. Who am I?'" says therapist Meri Wallace. This sort of hierarchical floundering leads middle children to make their mark among their peers, since parental attention is usually devoted to the beloved firstborn or baby of the family.
In general, middle children tend to possess the following characteristics:
Middle Kids as Children
Holly Schrock, a 31-year-old at-home mother of five in Newtown, Pennsylvania, describes her second-born child Maggie as an attention-getter with a mildly rebellious streak. "You'll say to her 'Go pick up the laundry right now' or 'Go put on your bathing suit so we can go to the pool,' and if she's in the middle of something, she'll look at you bald-faced and say, 'No!'" Schrock says.
However, "middle children are the toughest to pin down because they do play off their older sibling," says Dr. Leman. For instance, the sex of the child is a big variable. If the firstborn child is a boy and the middle child is a girl, she may possess firstborn characteristics because though she is technically second-born, she is also the firstborn female. As the second-born child with an older brother, 4-year-old Maggie also qualifies as the firstborn female in the family, which may explain why she also possesses the nurturing leader qualities of a firstborn child. "Maggie likes to be a little mommy, especially to the younger ones." Schrock says. "She picks up her 2-year-old brother and tries to tend to his needs in a positive way. She's protective of them."
The Grown-Up Middle Child
Schrock herself is also a middle child. Sandwiched between an older and younger sister, Schrock exhibited the same rebellious streak that her daughter Maggie does. "I wasn't a bad kid, but I was definitely pushing the envelope a little," Schrock says. In fact, at one point during her teen years, Schrock became embroiled in an argument with her parents that resulted in her running away for three days. Though Schrock admits she has since calmed down a bit, she still won't take anyone's guff. "I don't like being told what to do, period."
Last (Youngest) Born
Youngest children tend to be the most free-spirited due to their parents' increasingly laissez-faire attitude towards parenting the second (or third, or fourth, or fifth...) time around. The baby of the family tends to be:
Lastborns as Children
Megan, an at-home mom in San Diego, says her 7-year-old daughter Kacey loves the spotlight and will wrestle it away from others, if need be. "Kacey loves to go out into our backyard and put on shows," Megan says. "One time she was out there roller skating with her older sister, Jessica, but when Jessica started skating in these pirouettes that Kacey couldn't do, Kacey deliberately fell down to get our attention."
The Grown-Up Lastborn
Lastborn child Janice Lee, now 25 years old and working as an architect in New York City, definitely identifies with the simplistic, uncomplicated nature of a last-born child. "Most girls would die if their boyfriends didn't get them something for their birthday," she says. "But my boyfriend and I don't exchange gifts on our birthdays or anniversaries. We're very low-key. We'll go out to dinner, but nothing extravagant." Lee also has a pie-in-the-sky, "everything will work out" worldview: "I don't need to have that much security in my life. I like being spontaneous. I moved to Germany from Toronto for a job last year, and I didn't even speak the language," she says.
Being the only child is a unique position in a family. Without any siblings to compete with, the only child monopolizes his parents' attention and resources, not just for a short period of time like a firstborn, but forever. In effect, this makes an only child something like a "super-firstborn": only children have the privilege (and the burden) of having all their parents' support and expectations on their shoulders. Thus, only children tend to be:
Only Children as Kids
Just one meeting with 5-year-old Lilia, and you'll see. "She has a sophisticated sense of humor and is often one of the few girls her age to get a sarcastic remark or double-meaning," says Lilia's mother Razan Brooker, a software business owner in Boston. "Her teachers are very surprised at her level of understanding of adult humor." Even as a younger child, Lilia exhibited noticeable maturity and diligence. Like most children, Lilia sucked her thumb. But rather than throwing a temper tantrum when asked to break the habit, "she agreed to it and threw away her 'blankie,' claiming that is what makes her want to suck her thumb," Brooker says. "She then proceeded to make a chart for herself consisting of 30 squares for the number of days she was told it will take her to break the habit." A month later, Lilia was sleeping with her hands by her side.
The Grown-Up Only Child
Even when only children reach adulthood, they may not necessarily shed their need to be model human beings, able to run a five-minute mile and cook a seven-course meal without consulting a cookbook. "I hosted a Christmas party at my apartment and had to make sure the champagne was chilled, the music was on, the cats were locked in the kitchen," says Margaret Lloyd, a 27-year-old New York advertising associate. "Even after guests arrived, I kept fussing with things, even though it probably took away from some of my enjoyment that evening."
Exceptions to Traditional Birth Order Structure
Blended Families:In the case of divorce, remarriage, and the melding of stepchildren, Dr. Leman says, "blended families don't blend; they collide." Firstborn children who used to be the leader of the pack may find themselves unceremoniously thrown off the top of the hill by an older stepsibling, and the youngest of the family may suddenly have to deal with all the attention that's segued towards the new baby.
But despite a child's new position in a blended family hierarchy, he will not tailor his existing personality to his new position unless he is still in infancy. Many psychologists agree that personality develops tremendously during the first few years of life during the bonding stages. By about age 5, much of a child's personality has been established (although that doesn't mean it's fixed). In this way, a 10-year-old firstborn will likely have a more difficult time giving up his position as the eldest than a 4-year-old might.
Families Within Families:In cases such as with twins, you have a family within a family -- a unit that operates independently of birth order. "A twin will never act like a middle-born; he will always act like a firstborn or a baby," Leman says. Since twins are perceived as a single unit -- likely even referred to as "the twins" -- they separate themselves from the traditional family and revel in their special position.
Gap Children:According to Leman, if you have a gap of at least five years in between births, another family begins in the birth order structure. A 2-year-old boy with a newborn brother and an 8-year-old older sister isn't going adopt middle-child traits, but rather those of a firstborn.
Adoption:The same scenario occurs with adopted kids. The age at which the child is adopted is a key factor in which traits the child is most likely to exhibit. The younger the child is at adoption, the more time he will spend under the adoptive parents' care and adopt his position in the existing family tree. For instance, if a firstborn 1-year-old is adopted by a family with a 4-year-old child, the adopted child will likely fall into the role of the baby, despite the fact that he is biologically a firstborn child. However, if a firstborn child is 7 years old when he is adopted into a family with a 10-year-old child, the adopted child will still act like a firstborn even though he has an older brother. "You don't give up being a firstborn," says Leman. "You take the birth order with you."
Peers vs. Siblings vs. Parents: Who Influences?
Recent studies suggest that siblings may be the key players in forming a child's personality. Other experts insist that peers have the magic touch. To date, researchers are unable to pin down the definitive shaper of a child's personality, but there is one thing that remains constant in all competing theories: Most children have a parental figure to latch onto and learn from.
Though peers, siblings, genes, and circumstance all indubitably play into how a child's temperament develops, "I think the parents still are the major influencing factors because, truthfully, the first year of life is the bonding with the primary caretaker that impacts upon self-confidence, trust, the ability to interact with another person," says therapist Wallace. Now, whether or not this primary caretaker is actually the biological parent is negligible, considering the increasingly changing definition of the modern "family." Instead, it's the experiences shared by child and parental figure that leaves the lasting impression.
Is Personality Fixed?
Fear not, supposedly manipulative, attention-hungry youngest children! Psychologists agree that personality is not fixed by birth order. "You can consciously make a choice [to change]," says therapist Wallace, who outlines three basic steps to becoming a new you:
Originally published on AmericanBaby.com
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. November 18, 2015.
ByBest-selling Paranormal Author Joni Mayhan and Melanie Beckler
How Do Your Deceased Loved Ones Reach Out?
After death, your deceased loved ones are usually very eager to let you know they are okay, and still a part of your life. Signs from spirit are usually personally significant, and really can come in a number of ways which may be easy to overlook…the key to noticing signs from your deceased loved ones is to pay attention.
Be on the lookout for meaningful occurrences and anything out of the ordinary, and be open to communication from beyond the physical. There are also some more commonly experienced signs from Heaven to be on the lookout for…if you have experienced any of these, it’s highly likely you have indeed received a sign from Heaven.
Here Are The Top 10 Signs From Deceased Loved Ones:
1. Visitation Dreams.
Dreams are one of the most common ways in which your deceased loved ones in spirit will reach out to connect with you. Visitation dreams from your loved ones in Heaven are much different than normal dreams. For starters they are incredibly vivid, and real! When you wake up from a true visitation dream you will know you were contacted by your loved one in Heaven.
In addition, the main focus of visitation dreams is communication…your loved one will likely relay a message, and let you know that they are ok. They will appear healthy, and vibrant (regardless of their state when they died) and after sharing their love with you, and communicating a message, the dream will end.
2. Strange Electrical Occurrences.
An underlying energy flows throughout all of existence. Your loved ones in Heaven, who are now pure energy, are able to easily tap into this energetic flow to get your attention. For this reason, one of the most common signs from spirit happens when they, from beyond the physical play with electricity.
There are a number of ways they can do this, like causing the lights to flicker, turning the TV, radio, or lights on or off. They can also cause appliances, phones, devices or kids toys to beep for no known reason, or turn on without being touched. They may even call you on the phone from an unknown number… And then when you answer there is only static, or nothing on the other end at all.
Why does this happen? It’s a sign that even after death your loved one lives on.
Most of the time electrical signs are just your loved ones wanting you to know they are with you… Pay attention. What show is on when the TV mysteriously turns on? What were you thinking about when the light flickered? Were you thinking about your loved one? Your thoughts can offer additional insight into the message from your loved one, or even offer confirmation that the flickering of your lights really is your loved one in heaven.
3. Feeling Their Presence.
Do you feel like your loved one in Heaven is looking out for you? That they are still with you and watching over you from spirit? Feeling the presence of your dead loved one is one of the top signs that they really are with you, and visiting you from beyond the physical.
How might you feel their presence? There are quite a few ways….you may sense a shift in the air, feel like you’re being watched (in a non-creepy way) or you just get a strong feeling of their presence which lets you know that they are with you.
You may also feel your loved one lay down next to you at night, or you get the sense they’re sitting next to you, holding your hand, or gently rubbing your back, touching your cheek, or brushing your hair.
4. Smelling their Signature Scent.
Did your loved one smoke, wear a certain fragrance, make the best chocolate chip cookies, or enjoy preparing you a certain type of food? Scent is common sign from Heaven.
If your deceased father smoked, and you’re sitting in the couch watching a movie, and you smell smoke despite no one smoking anywhere in proximity, this is likely a sign from Heaven that your father is with you.
Or maybe you smell your deceased mother’s perfume, or the scent of your grandmothers famous chocolate chip cookies when there is no physical evidence as to why this scent would be near. When this happens, you’re experiencing a sign from Heaven that your loved one is with you.
5. Showing Up As an Insect.
Your loved one in Heaven is now pure energy… They are able to channel their energy into an insect, for a brief period of time to bring you a sign that their spirit lives on.
They may appear to you in this way as a butterfly, dove, dragonfly, or any other number of insects… When this happens, the insect will usually do something that is out of character that catches your attention. They may land on your hand, come into your home, or appear closely, right in front of you as if they are communicating.
This is a common type of communication from spirit. If something like this happens to you, trust that your loved one is with you, and letting you know that they are okay, and that you are not alone.
6. Moving Objects or Placing Objects on Your Path.
Even from beyond the physical, your loved one is able to move objects to get your attention. This sign from spirit may take a couple of forms. Either they move objects of yours, like flipping over a picture, moving a piece of clothing into an odd location, or causing something to fall as a way of getting your attention. They may also move objects onto your path. Dimes and pennies, crystals or stones, feathers, flowers and keys are common examples of the types of objects deceased loved ones may move onto your path.
You may receive objects other than these that are somehow significant to your loved one like seashells (if they loved the beach), paintbrushes (if they were an artist), or even screws and nails (if they were a builder). When this happens, say hello, and know that your loved one is sending you a sign from spirit.
7. Funeral Signs
According to legendary psychic medium James Van Praagh, everybody attends their own funeral after they die.They will often roam around the room, offering comfort to their loved ones, trying to give them signs that they are peaceful in their passing. While most people are tuned inwards during funerals, absorbed in their own emotions, if they look outside of themselves, they might see the signs their loved ones are trying to give them. It could be a touch on the shoulder or a caress on the face or simply a fond memory playing in their minds.
8. Watch Your Pets
If the loved one was someone who was also fond of your pets, your cat or dog might see them and react to them. Does your dog sometimes wag his tail while staring across the room? Does your cat start purring for no apparent reason? Both dogs and cats have far superior hearing than we do. They can pick up sounds that expand beyond the scope of normal human hearing. Their sight is also different, allowing them to see further into the red spectrum.
Pets often come back to visit after they’ve passed too. Signs of their presence will be similar to the habits they followed in life. They will sleep in their favorite places and jump up on beds and couches with a pronounced landing. If your cat often liked knocking the knick-knacks off your mantel, you might find them on the floor on occasion after his passing, as well.
9. Thoughts That Aren’t Your Own
Often, we dismiss many of the messages we receive from our loved ones as our own internal monologue. I did this with my grandmother. In many ways, she was the voice of responsibility that seemed to run through my mind when I wasn’t doing what I should have been doing. It took me years to understand that it was HER and not ME telling me to “slow down!” when I was driving too fast or to “get off the computer and start getting ready or you’re going to be late!”
Ways to determine if this is your thoughts or helpful advice from a deceased friend or family member is to inspect the thought. Typically, if you were thinking this, you’d phrase it in the first person format, as in “I need to get ready or I’m going to be late,” instead of “You need to get ready or you’re going to be late.” When you get these mind messages, jot them down and see if a pattern emerges. Look for phrases or word usage that is not a part of your normal vocabulary. In my case, I asked my mother if Nanny was something of a worrier and she confirmed it for me.
10. Feeling their touch
A hug, a brush of your hair, holding your hand, or a gentle touch on your back – these are some of the most comforting forms of connection that can happen.
Feeling their touch is most common to sense in the days directly following your deceased loved one’s passing, however, some of those in Spirit do continue to visit, long after their passing, using the ability of perceived touch. This ability to touch can also manifest in feeling them not touch you, but an object near you, for instance, noticing someone sit or lay down in the bed next to you
Love Lives On…
While life in the physical does end for individuals, love and energy continues, so do not be surprised if your loved one in Heaven reaches out to let you know they are okay.
Signs from spirit bring the comfort of knowing we are not alone, and that the soul lives on…
Your loved ones in Heaven know you, and so the signs that they are with you will often be specific to your life experience. They may also reach out and attempt to connect with you in ways and at times that are different than you may expect.
If you feel like you’ve gotten a sign from your loved one, trust your gut feeling and take it as a validation that their soul and love lives on.
Melanie Beckler is an internationally acclaimed best-selling author, channel, and founder of www.Ask-Angels.com. Her books, Angel Messages, Angel Courses and CD's provide a direct link to the love, frequency & wisdom from the Angelic and Spiritual Realms for people around the world.
Joni Mayhan is a paranormal investigator and the author of 13 paranormal books. To learn more about her, visit her website http://jonimayhan.com
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. November 11, 2015.
Are You About To Be Single Again? Take A Look At The Top 10 Signs Your Relationship is Over... By Madeleline Holden
The holiday season brings images of happiness and joy but that doesn't always happen. Our dreams of a fun filled holiday may instead be filled with examining the nature of our relationships. It's always uncomfortable to face the fact that your relationship may be coming to an end. No one likes to think about growing apart from someone you’ve cared about a great deal, but it's better to face the truth than to dig your head in the sand while your relationship crumbles. Here are 10 signs that the relationship is on its last legs:
1. You Both Prefer Doing Things Separately
Often when things start to turn sour in a romantic relationship, we turn to our nearest and dearest to regroup and reestablish our pre-relationship lives. It’s healthy to spend time with your own friends, but if either one of you is constantly an absentee or is spending time you would usually reserve for each other elsewhere, that's a sign that you're not feeling as happy together as you once were.
2. The Old Inside Jokes Are Just Annoying
Cute, corny and ridiculous jokes are the glue in relationships, especially early on. You're establishing a special intimate connection and what better way to do it than by putting on absurd voices when you speak or calling each other grotesquely cheesy pet names? However, when tension is running high in a relationship, those little relationship tics are likely to grate rather than endear, and that's a sign that the tone in your relationship is turning.
3. You Bicker Constantly
Some conflict in relationships is natural (and healthy!), but if you find that you're arguing all the time about petty, inconsequential things, you're probably losing patience with each other.
4. Time Together Feels Like A Chore
If you can barely remember the days when you used to phone in to work sick to spend all day in bed together, things aren't looking good. If spending time with each other has started to feel like a chore you do out of a sense of obligation rather than something you look forward to and enjoy, then it might be time to stop bothering.
5. Your Texting Has Gotten Boring
If you've noticed that your text conversations consist of more “please get milk” than strings of heart eye emojis, that could be cause for concern. If neither of you were ever big texters there's less to worry about, but if you've noticed a sharp decline in both the frequency and tone of your text messages (and you don't sext each other anymore) then your relationship might be running out of steam.
6. You Bad Mouth Each Other To Your Friends
It's normal to spend more time confiding in your friends when things are tense in your relationship compared to when it's smooth sailing. However, if you find that almost every time you bring up your partner it's to say something negative about her, it's probably time to cut your losses.
7. You Treat Each Other With Casual Disrespect
If you notice that big, glaring red flags like name-calling or mistreatment of each other’s property have crept into your relationship, that's a serious sign that things are not looking good. If you're at the point where you no longer treat each other with the respect you’d show strangers, your relationship is probably nearing an end, and you should consider ending things before you cause lasting harm.
8. You've Stopped Imagining A Future Together
One of the most solid signs that you're really into a person is that you constantly factor them into your life ahead. Once that habit goes, it's a very telling sign that your relationship isn’t what it used to be, and that deep down you don’t see it lasting.
9. There's A Bad Feeling In Your Stomach Where The Butterflies Used To Be
“Trust your gut” is a cliche for a reason. Often, when your mind is still in overdrive trying to justify everything and make excuses, your body is giving you raw signals that things aren't right. If you've got that gut feeling that things have gone downhill, it's a reliable sign that they have.
10. You're Beginning To Show Interest In Other People
This one’s the death knell for relationships: if either of you are secretly back on Tinder, openly flirting with other people at parties or on social media or covertly setting up dates or hook ups, things have definitely run their course. Show some respect to your partner and make a clean break before either of you moves on to someone new.
This holiday season hopefully will bring happiness and joy but if not, now with these signs you can at least know where your relationship may be headed.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. November 04, 2015.
2. Batman characters
3. Action/super hero
5. "Frozen" character
6. "Star Wars" character
What kids see in film and TV heavily influences them, and the top children's costumes for Halloween 2015 prove as much, according to Consumer Affairs.
The National Retail Federation released its 2015 Halloween Consumer TopCostumes survey, and a Yahoo News report indicated princess costumes topped the kid category for the 11th year in a row, with Batman and other action heroes coming in at second and third, respectively.
According to Yahoo News, the survey featured responses from 6,754 consumers. Princesses topping the list means an estimated 3.2 million children will pick that costume to wear Oct. 31; in comparison, 2 million children will dress as Anna or Elsa from Disney's "Frozen," which NRF listed as the fifth most popular.
Above all, Kathy Grannis Allen, senior director of media relations at the NRF, attributed princess costumes' long run at the top to an interest in fairy tales.
“Children love the idea of fairy tales, which they learn about at a very young age,” Allen told Yahoo News. “This could contribute to princess costumes topping the list for so many years.”
But pop culture dictates their choices too.
In addition to "Frozen" and Batman, Star Wars characters and Minions made the list, according to Consumer Affairs. This shows Halloween reflects landmark events in pop culture on a year-to-year basis, said NRF President and CEO Matthew Shay.
“As we’ve seen for several years, Hollywood and pop culture both have a tremendous impact on how adults and their children decide to dress the part each Halloween, and it’s evident some of the biggest newsmakers of the year will be out in full force this fall,” Shay told Consumer Affairs.
According to NBC News, the NRF survey's other findings include 157 million Americans will take part in the holiday, and spending is expected to reach $6.9 billion, down from $7.4 billion last year.
On average, those participating will spend $74.34 on their costume, the survey read.
NBC News reported 70 percent of millennials plan to dress up, and a considerable amount of them turn to the Internet for inspiration: More than 13 percent of young adults plan to find "fun and unique" costumes on Pinterest. Listed below are some of their choices.
1. Hillary Clinton and/or Donald Trump
The elections may be more than a year away, but we've started to see plenty of Donald and Hillary in recent months. Plus, Saturday Night Live already parodied both politicians, so it's safe to say they'll be out and about on Halloween, too.
2. Taylor Swift (Plus Special Guests)
Not only does Taylor have quite a few concert outfits for you to copy, but all those special guests could be your joke of the night. "Please welcome to the stage, this random vampire, this guy who didn't even dress up, and this seductive nurse!"
Seeing as Caitlyn is one of the biggest headlines of 2015, you just know people are going to try it, regardless of how PC it is. A handful of Caitlyn Jenner costumes have already appeared, much to the anger and dismay of most of the Internet. For the record, though, Caitlyn doesn't have a problem with it.
4. Saved By the Bell
Remember how everyone flipped out over that Saved By the Bell reunion on The Tonight Show? These costumes are easy to make, and you just know everyone's going to love them.
5. Madonna and Drake
Madonna and Drake both have pretty unique looks that are easy to replicate. And if you and a friend want to dress up together, you get to make out all night. You know, just like the time Madonna kissed Drake at Coachella.
6. Deflategate: Football tunic // Tom Brady face mask // Ball Judge shirt // inflatable football.
Sorry Patriot fans! Deflategate-themed costumes will be huge this year! Mix and match these props for a clever take on the event!
7. "Jurassic World": T-Rex Overhead Mask, Owen Grady, Inflatable Dinosaur.
A full inflatable T-Rex costume may not be the right move for everyone, but that's why we're giving you some great options to represent this year's biggest blockbuster.
8. "Orange is the New Black" Khaki Scrub Set and Orange Scrub Set.
Want a topical costume that's also incredibly comfortable? Dress up as one of the women on Netflix's "Orange is the New Black."
9. Kentucky Clerk, Kim Davis
Want a topical costume that's also incredibly unforgettable? Need I say more?
10. Weed Man Costume.
Legalization of Marijuana in Oregon, Colorado, Washington, Alaska, & Washington D.C. You can help spread the word of pot by this costume and your green thumb!
So there you have, the top costumes children and adults want this Halloween season. Is the one you want listed? If not, I wonder what your costume might be.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. October 28, 2015.
Where do you have your best ideas? I have asked that question to thousands of people over the years. The answer? Rarely sitting at our desks trying to think of an idea.
Number 1 in the “Inspirational Moments” chart is taking a shower, swiftly followed by walking the dog, lying in bed, travelling and running or cycling.
When we are relaxed and engaged in simple activities we access more of our creative genius and therefore ideas come effortlessly. And boy, that “Eureka!” moment feels good. Archimedes was onto something. But ideas are just that without execution, so here are ten ways to get ideas and make them a reality.
1. Just relaxWe have two main ways of thinking. One is with the logical, rational, analytical part of our brain, which we spend all our time using but which accesses only a small amount of our overall capacity. The creative state, on the other hand, is accessed by relaxing and having fun. So when you're trying to have ideas, do it away from your desk in a place that makes you feel more human. Ideas will naturally come more easily. My favorite is walking in the country, but it could be lying down, listening to music or playing a sport.
2. Talk it out
Grab a mate and either sit in a pub or a café or go for a walk with them and talk nonstop at them about your idea for seven-and-a-half minutes really quickly. Every now and again you'll say something that feels interesting. That's usually when you have an insight or an idea that might have some potential. Most of my clients now use this instead of brainstorming.
3. Go to sleep
Ponder your idea before you go to sleep. Then as soon as you wake up, write down whatever it is you're thinking about. If you do that for five days in a row, you'll find that the stuff that comes to you in the morning will become more and more useful. You're starting to communicate to your subconscious that actually you're interested in what it's telling you.
4. Doodle it
Get a big piece of paper and some colored pens and doodle. Use that piece of paper as an expansive tool to get stuff out of your head. And I mean a big piece of paper.
5. Get playful
Einstein once said, "You will not solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it." So if it's all very serious and logical, you've got to be playful and lark about a bit with it. Break some rules. Play with the idea, come up with some crazy connections. Kind of like a child would do but without the tantrums. Follow Billy Connolly on this one "Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosy...doesn't try it on.” It works.
6. Make It Real
So you have your ideas. Make them real as soon as possible so you can try them out and get some reaction. Commit to them, tell the world, your friends, your mom and make it so that it’s inevitable that you do it. Direct feedback early on will help you refine them and is way more powerful than any research deck.
7. Wake Up!
Wake in the morning and ask what three things you need to do to make them happen, write it down and then review progress at night.
8. Experiment Make it 3D– See it from all angles!
Play around and build a prototype. The most amazing inventions have come from very little. The computer mouse came from a weekend modeling with a butter dish and a roll-on deodorant.
Failure is a wonderful thing; you can learn so much from it. The most famous failure is the Dyson Vacuum Cleaner; it took James Dyson 5,127 prototypes. Dyson is now worth $4.9 billion.
10. Get fit, you need the energy!
Exercise helps the body and mind communication with each other.
January 8, 2014 by Kristen, WeAreThatFamily.com
Have you heard as a parent the fo9llowing from your child:
Child: “I want it.”
Child: “Because everyone else has it or does it or wears it.”
It’s a conversation we’ve had countless times in our house. It doesn’t matter what it’s about–the newest technology, the latest fad, the most popular shoes- it’s treacherous ground to add it to our want list so we can be like everyone else.
These five dangerous words (“because everyone else has it”) are turning homes upside down.When we give our children everything they want (because everyone else has it), it speeds up their childhood: We have six year olds addicted to technology, carrying around their own ipods and iphones without limitations; eleven year old sons playing bloody battles of Assassin’s Creed over the Internet with strangers instead of playing ball outside; And 13 year old daughters shopping at Victoria’s Secret, wearing angel wings across their bums, looking far older than they are.
But worse than losing a generation of children, this choice breeds a nasty virus. Because maybe if we keep giving them everything they want, they might just drive a new car intoxicated and kill four people and be diagnosed with affluenza.
The psychologist testifying for the 16 year old boy who did just that, defined affluenza as this: children who have a sense of entitlement, are irresponsible, and make excuses for poor behavior because parents have not set proper boundaries.
And when you write alittle post about the warning signs of entitlement and it’s shared nearly 800,000 times, perhaps we’re all a little scared of our kids catching the same bug.
One parent who responded to this study said, “I am an RN working on a psych unit, and I see everyday the effects of entitlement. I see adults in their 20′s and 30′s who always had everything they ever wanted given to them while growing up, and now they just don’t get it. They are unemployed, either living with parents or with one friend or relative after another, or on the street. Having been given everything they ever wanted without working for it while growing up, they don’t feel that they should work for anything now. They were raised to think they could do no wrong, but instead of growing up to have high self-esteem, they have grown up unable to function. They cannot take disappointment of any kind. So we have a generation of kids that don’t want to work and can’t function as adults. Because they have no coping skills of any kind to deal with life, they become depressed and often turn to drugs and/or alcohol to feel better. Then, they end up on our unit, depressed, suicidal, and addicted.”
Why are we saying yes to our children too early, too soon and pulling in the boundaries?I’m not sure, but I think it starts here:
To conquer the affluenza virus, though, one must first recognize it within themselves and ask why and from where it comes. Ask yourself the following questions:
Do you frequently buy things you do not really need?
When shopping, are you unable to control how much you spend?
Do you envy the lifestyles of the rich and famous?
Do you feel bad when your neighbors have things you do not?
Do you measure yourself by what others have?
Do you ever use shopping as a means of escape?
Do you use your possessions to impress others?
Do you compare your possessions with what your peers have? If so, do you experience a feeling of superiority that yours are better?
Do you speak often about the things you want?
Do you find yourself complaining about the things you want but cannot afford?
Do you think of spending your money more often than saving it?
Do you often think your life would be more complete if you had more money and possessions?
So what’s the cure?
Maybe it starts with the little word no.We aren’t going to buy, get, do that just because others are. It’s okay to want things, but there’s a big difference in getting something because you love it and getting it because you want to be loved.
Maybe it starts with deciding why you do what you do. Don’t let the culture lead your family. Because it certainly will. I heard this week the most popular word among teens in 2013 was twerking. Do we really want society guiding our children?
Maybe it starts with reality–no, not everyone has, does, gets ____ (fill in the blank). We’ve discovered other people who don’t have ____(fill in the blank), but we’ve had to look for them and pray them into our lives. The world will tell you (and your kids) you’re completely alone. But that’s a lie. There are other families swimming upstream against our society and affluenza.
Maybe it starts with a dab of old fashioned failure(I love what this teacher said below).
“Some parents don’t wish their kids to fail. I admit I want my children to. I want them to fail, so they can learn how to get back up. I want them to not get every gift they want on their Christmas list, so they can appreciate what they have and work for what they don’t. Lastly I hope all of them get at least one or two teachers they hate. That way they will learn that in the real world, they will have to work with people (and bosses) they may not like,” a teacher who left a comment on this post.
Maybe it starts with exposing them to how the majority of the world lives.Affluenza is a first world problem. Hunger is a real world problem. Give them an opportunity to serve others.
I really don’t think our kids want the latest technology or the hottest name brand as much as they want something else. Oh, they think they do. And they will beg and plead (and drive us crazy) for it. But deep down, they are hungry for something deeper that satisfies and lasts a lot longer than just stuff. Giving them firm boundaries, love and perspective is exactly what we can offer them.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. October 14, 2015.
By Denise DeWitt
It doesn’t seem fair that men are often considered more distinguished as they grow older while women are just ... old. But like it or not, there are some real differences in the ways men and women age.
1. Fertility and Hormones
As you’d probably expect, women go through more hormonal changes as they age than men do. Hormones affect every aspect of a woman’s fertility, starting in her teen years when she gets her first period.
As a woman ages, natural decreases in hormone levels bring her period to an end and usher in the common side effects of menopause including hot flashes, vaginal dryness and lower libido. Menopause typically occurs around age 50, which is the end of a woman’s fertility as she is no longer able to get pregnant or carry a child.
Men also experience changes as testosterone levels decline at a rate of about 1 percent per year, beginning around age 30. This is sometimes known as andropause.
Low testosterone levels can eventually lead to erectile dysfunction, lower libido and changes in sleep. But unlike women who will eventually cease being fertile, men continue to create sperm and are able to reproduce despite old age.
Men have the advantage when it comes to skin and aging. The male hormone testosterone makes men’s skin about 25 percent thicker than women’s skin. Men also have more moisture on their skin because they typically sweat more.
All this adds up to fewer signs of aging on men’s skin than women’s skin. Societal norms for women to look younger increase anxiety over skin changes and help fund the beauty industry as women reach for anti-aging creams and serums to slow the appearance of aging on their skin.
In general, men show earlier and more obvious signs of aging when it comes to hair loss. Genetic hair loss that runs in a family typically takes place by about age 40. Even without a hereditary factor, most men show some signs of balding by about age 50.
Women also lose some hair with age and in rare cases, women experience male-pattern baldness. But for most women, aging results in thinner or finer hair rather than substantial loss of hair.
In general, both men and women tend to gain weight as they age. In men, the hormone testosterone helps sustain muscle tissue. So around age 50 when a decrease in testosterone becomes apparent, men often start losing weight because they are losing muscle mass.
For women, the tendency to gain weight continues for another 15 or more years. Women typically don’t start losing weight due to loss of muscle mass until about age 65.
5. Brain Function
Men and women also have different risks of mental impairment as they age. In general, a man’s risk of cognitive impairment increases if he is overweight, has diabetes or has had a stroke. A woman’s risk decreases if she is able to live independently without having to rely on others for daily help, and if she has a strong social network.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, one out of six women will develop Alzheimer’s at age 65, compared to one out of eleven men. Overall, women in their sixties are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s sometime during their remaining years as they are to get breast cancer.
None of us is safe from disease as we get older. But in general, men tend to become sick at an earlier age than women. While women are more likely to develop heart disease, men are five times more likely to experience an aortic aneurysm, which is a weak spot or bulge in wall of the major blood vessel leaving the heart. Men are also more likely to die from a heart attack at an earlier age than women.
7. Life Expectancy
Overall, women have a longer time to experience old age than men. That’s because women are likely to live about five years longer than men. On average, women can expect to live to about age 81.2, while men can only anticipate living to be 76.4 years old, according to the CDC.
Many factors may play into the reason women tend to live longer than men, including physical danger or hazards in the workplaces, methods of handling stress, and the fact that women are more likely than men to schedule regular health checkups.
When polled, both men and women said that women are considered to be “old” at a lower age than men. Overall, women tend to be more concerned about how their appearance will change with age. Men report concerns about losing physical strength, independence and purpose in life as they age.
If you have questions about aging or symptoms of advancing age, talk to your health care provider.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. October 07, 2015.
Tuesday 21 August 2007 / Evening Times News/PetMD.com
OWNING a pet is good for your health ... it's official! Pet power can make you live longer, recover faster from illness and be more productive at work.
The UK is a nation of animal lovers, and according to the Pet Health Council, we share our homes with over seven million cats and six million dogs that's a lot of animal magic! The bond between owner and pet is special, but who would have thought it would have health- boosting benefits too?
We list the top 10 reasons why you should have a pet.
1. If you want to live a healthier life get a dog, research suggests. Earlier this year, a psychologist from Queen's University, Belfast, said dog owners tend to have lower blood pressure and cholesterol. Writing in the British Journal of Health Psychology, Dr. Deborah Wells said pet owners tended in general to be healthier than the average person.
2. Dog owners were also found to have fewer minor ailments and serious medical problems. There was also the suggestion that dogs could aid recovery from serious illnesses such as heart attacks, and act as an early warning' to detect an approaching epileptic seizure.
3. Having a pet can help children develop better social skills. Researchers at the University of Leicester found that children between birth and age six years in pet-owning families will have better social skills, better speech, better co-ordination, more confidence and will be less likely to suffer from allergies.
4. A five-year-study of 600 children aged 3-18 years revealed that pet owning children who are slow learners or whose parents have divorced cope better with life than those who don't have a pet.
5. Stroking a cat or dog can bring down blood pressure and one study of 369 heart-attack survivors found that those who had dogs were less likely to die within a year than those who didn't.
6. The British Medical Journal found that pets can often act as social catalysts'. This was particularly important for those at risk of social isolation, such as the elderly or those with physical disabilities. A Warwick University study said 40% of dog owners say they make friends more easily due to their pet.
7. Pets can help recently widowed people deal with stress. A UK study revealed that three months after bereavement, pet owners had fewer physical symptoms, such as crying, than non-pet owners.
8. Dogs and cats can help you overcome stress. A Dog and Cat Protection study of 500 pet owners aged over 55 revealed 82% found that their pet helped them overcome feelings of stress; 62% said pet ownership helped overcome feelings of loneliness and 75% sometimes preferred to share their feelings with their pet rather than a partner or friend.
The same survey also looked at 100 cat owners aged 13 years or under where 80% said their cat helped them get on better with family and friends while 87% of children regard their cat as a close friend'.
9. It may sound obvious, but owning a dog is a sure fire way to make sure you - and your pet - get some regular exercise by taking it out for walkies every day.
10. How about taking your beloved pooch or kitty to work with you? They can enhance work productivity too. According to a survey by the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, having a pet at work created a more productive environment in 73% of firms. The companies that were surveyed allowed dogs, cats, fish, small animals, reptiles and birds in the workplace. The survey also revealed health benefits such as reduced blood pressure, lowered stress levels and improved physical and emotional health.
One pet owner, Kaetlyn - said on PetMD.com, her top 10 reasons why having a dog is good:
10.Not only do you get a tireless exercise partner, but your own body guard as well-and all in one package!
9.They are willing to be by your side no matter what-they don't complain, they don't hold back-so long as they are with you, that's all that matters.
8. Their company and companionship!
7.Their ears are always open, and they are masters at listening, no matter how boring what you are talking about is.
6. The sheer joy of seeing them wag their tail just for you
5. The feeling you get when they run up to you once you come home.
4. The warmth of a wet nose.
3. Dogs love their people no matter what-no matter how hard they get hit, or how bad their food is-they continue to love, day and night, year after year, without giving it a second thought.
2. The satisfaction of knowing that you gave them a life full of love and care, did the best for them you could, and shared all the good experiences of the world with them-more than they could ask for.
1. They keep you going, and you keep them going-whether it be exercise, motivation, or just that they give you that extra tail wag and face-lick at the end of the day that you really needed in order to cheer up. Dogs have even been known to help people suffering from depression, anxiety, and extend the lives of those suffering from terminal illnesses.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. September 30, 2015.
We all think we’re unique, but let’s be honest: we’re a lot more similar than we’d care to admit. Even the notion of thinking you’re unique is inherently not unique. While a lot of us have a few kooky quirks here and there — and maybe a few really are exclusive to you (please do tell) — for the most part, we’re all cut from the same cloth. However, here are a few of the weird habits we all share:
1. Tucking yourself tightly under the covers so things can’t get you.
2. As a guy, telling our date we actually make more money than we really so.
3. Putting a lower weight and a taller height on our driver’s license.
4. Thinking of a great comeback about four hours too late.
5. Using the “view as” button on Facebook with the sole purpose of seeing how our profile looks to others.
6. Stripping down to your underwear almost immediately upon getting home. Door closes. Bam! Naked!
7. Claiming to read an entire book when really you just started it, got bored, then watched the movie instead or just browsed the Wiki page. “Yeah of course I’ve read War and Peace.”
8. Remembering something funny from like two years ago and then laughing hysterically. Then, when you’re trying to make yourself stop laughing, you just end up laughing more.
9. Turning the sound down in your car when its dark out and you’re looking for a house or address — as if that’ll somehow improve your vision.
10. Saying “Wed-nes-day” phonetically to help you spell it
11. Going to a coffee shop to work but ending up just people watching.
12. Skipping the bottom two stairs (or running up the stairs on all fours at home).
13. Listening to a song over and over again until you get sick of it even though you know this will happen.
14. Having a strict grooming or dressing order you thoughtlessly adhere to for no apparent reason — lathering up from the top down or bottom up, or (dressing order) underwear, pants, shirt, socks, jacket…
15. Faking a yawn or pretending there’s an urgent text to attend to when there’s even a brief bit of awkward silence.
16. Patting down your pocket to check for your wallet and keys even if you literally just put them in.
17. Talking to your pets like they’re little people. “Who’s a good little guy? Is it you? Is it you? Yes it is! What a good little boy!”
These are some of the things we all do but may not admit to. By doing these things, makes us more connected than we may realize.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. September 23, 2015.
Are you the parent or caregiver of a teenager? Adolescence can be a challenging time when raising or dealing with a child. Sometimes youth can display negative behaviors such as: defiance against authority, rule-breaking, substance use, and aggression or violence. In order to deal with these issues in teens it is important to increase the positivity of your relationship, improve school connection, keep them safe, parent appropriately, and understand the adolescent brain.
1. Spend quality time together.
Connection between the teenager and parent or guardian is a strong protective factor against harm such as emotional distress, risky sexual behaviors, and substance use.
o Schedule regular family activities like eating dinner together or having game nights.
o Spend face-to-face time on a weekly basis. Take your teen out to lunch or dinner without the rest of the family. This way you can focus solely on your connection instead of being distracted by others.
o Try spending quality time with the adolescent doing activities that he enjoys. Ask him what he likes to do, or offer suggestions such as: playing video games, shopping, skateboarding, biking, camping, playing board games, or hiking.
2. Use social networking.
Using social media as a way to foster parent-child interaction has been shown to increase connection and pro-social behaviors, while reducing acts of aggression.
o If you don’t have a Facebook account (or Instagram, etc.), sign up and add the teenager as a friend. You can monitor his actions on the various sites, as well as leave messages, and post photos.
o Try to avoid embarrassing your adolescent. Teenagers can be sensitive to how others see them, especially their peers
3. Express your love.
A teenager who feels wanted and loved by his parents is more protected against developing negative influences and behaviors.Focus on ways you can show the teenager that he is worthy, accepted, loved, and cared about.
o Physical contact such as hugs can go a long way in expressing affecting for your teen. However, if these acts of affection are uncomfortable, you can try other techniques such as touching his shoulders, or playing sports with him.
o Say, “I love you,” and praise your teenager for what he is doing well. Identify and comment on his positive characteristics. Say things like, “I like how honest you are about your feelings.”
o Give your child your attention. Be supportive by telling your teen that you will always be there for him. You could say something like, "I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything and I will listen and try to help." Provide support and guidance when he appears to need it.
o Give gifts or surprise your teen with his favorite meal.
4. Ask questions and be interested.
Studies propose that parents who are informed and knowledgeable about their child’s life are more likely to have well-adjusted teenagers.
o Ask open-ended questions like, "What is going well in school lately?" or, "What are your goals right now?"
o Avoid closed-ended questions that require one word answers such as, "Was school okay today?" or, "Is everything alright?" Your teenager may take this opportunity to simply say, "yeah," and not elaborate. This closes off the conversation and enhances distance.
o Listen rather than lecture. Focus on trying to understand your child's perspective instead of correcting him or offering advice.
o Attempts to monitor your teen by spying or using surveillance techniques (tracking phone logs, etc.) may do more harm than good.Avoid these types of behaviors.
5. Permit space.
Ironically, giving the teenager space can actually increase closeness and positivity within the relationship. Research shows that adolescents need a sense of autonomy or a sense that they have choices.
o Try not to pry if your teenager does not want to discuss something. Give him time to process the situation and let him come to you once he is ready.
6. Reduce family conflict.
Marital conflict that is experienced or witnessed by an adolescent can lead to behavior problems, symptoms of depression, and decreased family connection.
o Do not fight or argue in front of your children.
o When discussing family issues, be calm and avoid raising your voice out of anger.
7. Stop fighting with them.
Teenagers often feel they need to prove themselves. They have to prove themselves with their peers, their teachers and they automatically feel they have to prove themselves with you too. Don't let it upset you and refuse to fight with them. Using empathy in your voice, develop one-liners. "I bet it feels that way." "What do you suppose you'll do?" "I don't know, what do you think?"
They may get even angrier with you and demand to know why you won't argue with them. Let them know you love them too much to fight with them over petty stuff. If you can refuse to take the bait every time they throw out their hook, you'll save yourself and them from having to go through a lot of arguing about things that are irrelevant.
The most important thing to show your teenager is that you LOVE them and that they MATTER! Most teenagers feel as though their mom or dad or both don’t “get them”
This version of Deal With Difficult Teenagers was reviewed by B. Casey on July 22, 2015. BluJean Casey is a National Certified Counselor in Texas. BluJean has 7 years of experience in areas of anxiety, mood disorders, and self-injury.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. September 16, 2015.
1. She's a woman, and she gets things done.
Fellas, from the day we came out of the womb, we have been playing catchup when it comes to the wisdom and maturity of a woman. She was way ahead of us on the school playground when she gave us that first kiss and we didn't know what the hell was happening, and she sure as hell is light-years ahead of us in her fifth decade. She gets things done, and you don't have to worry about it. Why? Because she thought of it before you ever did.
2. She's sexy as hell.
Sharon Stone. Kelly Preston. Kathy Ireland. Nigella Lawson. Elle MacPherson. Vanessa Williams. Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah, exactly. And then there's Elizabeth Hurley currently in the latest sexcapade series, "The Royals," on E!. Granted, Liz H doesn't officially cross the 5-0 threshold 'til June 10th, but OH MY GOD! If there is any doubt that she is not the hottest woman on the planet right now, just check out the show and how she redefines royal hotness as Queen Helena in a fresh new set of insane lingerie every week.
3. She knows what she wants.
When was the last time you ever heard a woman in her 50s say she didn't know what she wanted? I would venture to say, uh, never (and if she doesn't know, run). She will tell you, clearer than a mountain stream in Tibet, what she wants in life, how she is going to get it, where it's going to come from, and why it's so important. Here's the best part: she doesn't expect you to know what/how/why/where/who you want to be when you start dating her. But one thing is for certain - after a few weeks, months, a year or two tops, you better start figuring it out, because if you don't, she's gone. Poof. Bye-bye loser guy.
4. She turns the bedroom into a sex adventure park.
Gail Sheehy, in her book Sex and the Seasoned Woman wrote the following: "The middle years, between 50 and 65, constitute the apex of adult life... for women, the passage to be made is from pleasing to mastery." The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior discovered that 71 percent of 50-somethings surveyed -- more than any other age group -- said their last sexual experience resulted in an orgasm.
Buckle up guys if you wander into her sex adventure park, where you are going to find more experimentation, more toys, more of anything and everything when it comes to sensuality. She's also much more likely to wear lingerie, which she probably wears daily, because she loves it. One woman recently told me that her lingerie "is the first thing next to my skin, and that lace or silk is going to project on to everything and everyone else around me." Hello!
Ali Cudby, a lingerie industry expert and CEO of Fab Foundations in Washington, D.C. who I interviewed for a Livinghealthy.com article about lingerie, said lingerie "is the superhero costume underneath her clothes. It makes her Wonder Woman. By wearing lingerie, it sends a message [to yourself] that you are awesome. So everything that you decide to do that day gets dipped into awesome sauce."
5. She is WAY over her ex, and doesn't want to talk about him, at all (red alert: nor should you!)
When a man goes on a date with a woman, the last thing he wants to hear about from her is her ex. A woman in her 50s SO gets that and that's because she doesn't want to talk about her ex -- at all. One big reason why she doesn't is that she doesn't have to. Her children are usually grown (Reason #6) so she probably hasn't spoken to him in weeks, months, hell maybe even years.
The last thing she wants to hear, from you, is anything about your ex. She's moved on and so should you. If you don't, then she's moving on, far far away from your sorry ass. So follow her lead and move onward and upward with her, out of the grip of the ex-Death Star of Divorce, for good. Everyone will be much happier if you do.
6. She loves kids, has grown kids and definitely doesn't want any more.
More likely than not, her kids are out of the house or just about to leave. That means no early nights to get back for the babysitter or last minute cancellations because her kids are sick or just being brats. She can go out every night of the week. The super-crappy schedule of every other weekend and Wednesday night availability is gone.
She still loves kids dearly and can love your kids just as much. But the best thing of all is that the last thing in the world she wants is more kids. It's her time now and all she wants is to have fun. Maybe a lot of fun (reason #4).
7. She wants to make you the center of attention.
If she was married before, she learned an awful lot about men during her first marriage and even more if she's had a second or third ex. She's committed to correct the past mistakes, miseries and mishaps of her marriage (or marriages) and wants and needs a man that she can be a true partner with -- one who she wants to take care of (if she doesn't, run!). Her kids are grown (reason #6), so she doesn't need to take care of anyone else but herself and hopefully you.
8. She doesn't need you.
She may want you, but she doesn't need you. She is almost always independent and often extremely independent. She's hopefully financially independent as well, who has a solid job and stands on solid terra firma when it comes to her emotional and financial stability. She's looking for a partner but the last thing she wants or needs is another dependent.
9. She is comfortable in her own skin, and doesn't crawl under yours.
She is more content with herself than her younger 20s, 30s and 40s sisters because, according to a Gallup survey, she's just plain happier than they are. One reason might be she's already gone through the tough inner work on herself to get to that magical place of inner peace and joy. Whatever the reason is, it's great because happiness suppresses drama, and we all know high drama in a woman is the worst and completely sucks the air out of your happiness bubble. One guy I know, for example, is dating a younger woman who, when she's not happy with herself or him, sits on the floor and pouts like a 5-year-old. As Sweet Brown famously says: "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
10. She can still sport a bikini, and look awesome in it.
The visual evidence is splashed all across Facebook this month of hot women in their 50s, walking around in their tiny little bikinis as they scamper across the sands of Florida and Caribbean beaches. They are often standing next to their daughters, sporting wide Ray Bans and wider smiles, looking more like older sisters than moms. Then there is the added impact of Cindy Crawford (who, by the way, turns 50 next year) going public with a an un-retouched photo of her in lingerie, setting off a firestorm of women in their 50s proudly showcasing their fit, fantastic bodies in a phantasmagorical display of bikinis.
God Bless American women in their 50s. Guys, pick up the phone now and ask her out before someone else beats you to it.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. September 02, 2015.
Back-to-school: 10 fun facts!
By Cassandre Cadieux, Aug 27, 2012 TodaysParent.com
Get your child into the spirit of going back to school with these impressive facts.
Be it schools around the world, certain traditions or our favorite back-to-school items, here are 10 facts that will impress the whole family. It just might get your little ones back in the spirit of homework, tests and, of course, recess!
10: Did you know?: Summer break around the world
Think eight weeks of summer vacation is too long in the USA? In Chile, summer vacation lasts from mid-December to early March, meaning Chilean children are off for about 12 weeks. And in Ethiopia, vacation is 12 to 15 weeks, depending on the school. Germany, however, only has a very short six week vacation.
9. Did you know?: Shopping
In the US, $7.7 billion was spent for back-to-school clothes shopping last August (2014). Add on the $2.4 billion spent in bookstores that same month, and you notice how many people go shopping right before schools let back in.
8. Did you know?: Crayons
Everyone's favorite coloring utensil, the crayon, ranks #18 on the list of most recognizable scents, according to a study done by Yale University.
In the Color Census of 2000, blue was voted the favorite crayon color. The worst? Tan, tumbleweed and spring green.
By the time a little one turns 10, they will have worn down approximately 730 crayons and will have spent about 28 minutes per day coloring (on average).
7. Did you know?: Summer vacation
Before the school calendar became national, geography determined when students attended classes. In small, rural areas, school went from December to March and May to August so that kids could help plant in the spring and harvest in the fall.
In the urban centers, schools feared spread of disease in hot, crowded schoolrooms and gave their children summers off.
6. Did you know?: Buses
Approximately 480,000 yellow school buses carry 25 million US children to and from school every weekday. That's a lot of buses!
5. Did you know?: Biggest school
The biggest school in the world (in terms of pupils, not area) is the City Montessori school in Lucknow, India.
The school was set up by the Ghandi's in 1959 and has more than 32,000 students! That's more than a lot of universities (not to mention a lot of towns...)
4. Did you know?: School phobia
Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school. Yes, it actually exists, and 2.4% of school-aged children are considered to have it, on an international level.
3. Did you know?: Pencils
Pencils are not only good in the classroom, but they can be used in zero gravity, upside down and even under water.
The average classroom pencil can write approximately 45,000 words (or draw a line that is 34.8 miles long). That's a long life!
2. Did you know?: School Days
Not every country has the same school days as we do here in North America. In Brazil, school runs from 7 a.m. to noon because students go home to share lunch (the most important meal) with their family. And in Mexico, students go to school Monday through Friday with elective classes on Saturdays too.
1. Did you know?: Apples
The tradition of giving apples to teachers dates back to the 16th century in Denmark, where parents would pay their educators with food (namely, apples since they were expensive and hard to harvest), since teachers couldn't live off their small salaries. Well...apples have changed (red, yellow, green) but small salaries for teachers has remained the same!
So there you have it, fun facts about going back to school. Much like this girl, I was surprised by these facts. Going back to school is a big deal for everyone!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. September 02, 2015.
10 Bizarre Stories About The People Running For President! By Alex Hanton August 9, 2015
With media scrutiny at an all-time high, it’s common to complain that politics these days just attracts bland, uninteresting careerists. But that might be a bit of a myth, since a quick look at the candidates for 2016 reveals that America’s next president is probably going to be a very strange person indeed.
10. John Kasich’s Feud With Blockbuster
Ohio governor John Kasich seems like one of the less-interesting presidential hopefuls, until you hear about his epic, long-running dispute with his local branch of Blockbuster. As recounted at length in his actual autobiography, the feud started in the late ’90s, when Kasich and his wife, Karen, rented the movie Fargo. Apparently, “the guy behind the counter . . . assured me it was a great movie and that I should probably rent it.” So Kasich “walked right over to that shelf where they had their general titles, grabbed a copy and took it home.”
However, Kasich and his wife only made it as far as the infamous wood chipper scene before realizing that the movie “wasn’t funny. It was graphic, and brutal, and completely unnecessary.” In fact, the then-Congressman ended up being so appalled by the R-rated movie’s violence that he immediately called Blockbuster and demanded that they take it off their shelves. Blockbuster declined, although a manager apparently offered to start labeling movies with graphic content.
Eventually, Kasich’s wife had to tell him to relax and he later admitted the situation made him look like a “wild man.” Blockbuster eventually resolved the impasse by ceasing to exist, but Kasich had another run in with pop culture when he bought a CD by the Roots, which he literally hurled from his car after realizing the lyrics were “offensive.”
9. Jeb (John Ellis Bush) Bush Just Hands Out Mythical Swords
As two politicians from Florida, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio have a lot of history together, with Jeb once declaring that Rubio made him “cry for joy.” However, now that they’re facing off in the 2016 race, Rubio has been at pains to emphasize that he’s not Jeb’s protege. Which is strange, considering that Jeb once bestowed a mystical sword of power on him.
In 2005, Rubio had just been voted speaker of the Florida House of Representatives when then-governor Jeb suddenly descended to the House floor to present him with a golden sword. Bear in mind that a golden blade is not a standard part of the speaker’s regalia; Jeb Bush just likes to hand out swords and not just any sword, but the Mythical Sword of Chang.
As Jeb himself explained to a bemused Florida legislature: “Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society. I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.”
According to the New Republic, Jeb’s weird imaginary friend is probably a reference to “Unleash Chiang,” a ’50s conservative slogan calling for a US-backed invasion of China by Chiang Kai-Shek, which George H.W. Bush used to scream at people during tennis matches. Incidentally, everyone from the Washington Post to USA Today called it a “samurai sword” even though it very clearly wasn’t and Chang is a Chinese name anyway. Sadly, Rubio hasn’t really wielded the sword with much panache, telling reporters that he still has it somewhere, but “I have young kids. I don’t want them to run around with a sword.”
8. Rand Paul And Aqua Buddha
Before going on to medical school at Duke, the libertarian senator attended the Baptist Baylor University. The school was known for its highly conservative student body, but it seems that Rand didn’t quite fit in. Instead, he joined the NoZe Brotherhood, a banned secret society that published a satirical newspaper (sponsored by local strip clubs), carried out a series of sacrilegious pranks, and generally caused enough chaos that membership was soon made grounds for immediate expulsion. In one incident, Paul and a few of his NoZe brothers knocked over a university monument in a drunken attempt to dig up the time capsule buried underneath it in 1945.
But Paul’s years at the school are probably best summed up by the time he and a friend got extremely stoned and jokingly kidnapped a female acquaintance. The woman, now a psychologist, told GQ magazine that Paul and his buddy “blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits.” They then drove her to a nearby creek, where they demanded that she bow down and worship their god “Aqua Buddha” before they would let her go. The woman described the incident as basically harmless and definitely not an actual kidnapping, but so “weird” that she immediately ended the friendship.
7. Jim Webb’s Steamy Novels
Of course, we all know that Democratic candidate Jim Webb is a smoldering maelstrom of barely repressed erotic dynamism. That came back to haunt him during his 2006 Senate run in Virginia, where his opponent found a researcher willing to trawl through the former Navy secretary’s novels and put out a press release featuring the steamiest passages, which were allegedly demeaning to women. The tactic backfired badly, with supporters defending Webb’s right to write. Still, it’s probably the only time a sitting United States senator has put out a press release discussing the political implications of a Vietnamese stripper leaving a “banana on the bar, cut in four equal sections by the muscles of her vagina.”
But Webb’s not the only Democratic candidate with some surprisingly frank fiction in their past. Vermont senator Bernie Sanders faced some mild controversy earlier this year when Mother Jones unearthed an old short story in which a woman “fantasizes being raped by three men simultaneously.” Sanders’ campaign quickly moved to distance him from the story, published in a Vermont alt-weekly in 1972, telling CNN that it was “dumb attempt at dark satire” that “looks as stupid today as it was then.” But with the erotica market still in a post–50 Shades Of Grey boom, should Sanders and Webb really be wasting their talents on the presidency?
6. Hillary Clinton’s Chats With Dead People
During her time as First Lady, it was no secret that Hillary Clinton was a big fan of Eleanor Roosevelt, who paved the way for the President’s wife to take an active role in politics. In fact, Hillary was such a big fan that she even held lengthy conversations with an imaginary Eleanor—and threw in Gandhi for good measure.
It all started thanks to Clinton’s friendship with Jean Houston, a New Age researcher who describes herself as “one of the foremost visionary thinkers and doers of our time” and “one of the principal founders of the Human Potential Movement.” When Houston heard that Clinton was in a funk after the defeat of her 1994 health care initiative, she offered to guide her through a series of conversations with her political heroes, in which Clinton would ask a question and then respond as Roosevelt or Gandhi. However, she declined to hold a conversation with Jesus, arguing that it would be “too personal.”
The sessions were revealed to the public in a 1996 book by Bob Woodward, the legendary journalist who helped expose the Watergate scandal. Woodward’s book accurately described the sessions as imaginary conversations, but they were widely reported in the media as séances, causing considerable embarrassment to Clinton, who was unfairly compared to the astrology-loving Nancy Reagan. She subsequently distanced herself from Houston, who currently lives in a geodesic dome and runs a “Mystery School” self-help program.
5. Ted Cruz vs. The Guy Who Wrote Scary Movie III
As the firebrand junior senator from Texas, Ted Cruz has never had any problems making enemies. Even within his own party, John McCain has called him a “wacko bird,” Orrin Hatch has attacked his “squabbling and sanctimony,” and Senate leader Mitch McConnell seems to openly hate him. As writer of Scary Movie III, writer and producer of Scary Movie IV, and writer, producer, and director of Superhero Movie, Craig Mazin probably has quite a few enemies of his own. But the unlikely pair’s longest-running beef might be with each other.
It all started back in 1988, when a young Cruz arrived at Princeton University and was assigned Mazin as a roommate. According to Mazin, Cruz was “creepy,” had “body odor issues,” and “would endlessly hit the snooze button” until Mazin glued it down. Some classmates also told the Daily Beast that Cruz had a habit of hanging around the coed dormitory building in a paisley bathrobe, prompting female students to demand that Mazin “please keep your roommate out of our hallway.”
The two also clashed over politics, with Mazin alarmed to see his roommate reading a book titled Was Karl Marx A Satanist? Cruz apparently later became something of a “stud” on the debate team, but Mazin’s still holding a grudge: ”I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States. Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.”
A feud with the wordsmith behind the third Hangover movie seems weird enough, but it’s definitely not the strangest story about Cruz. In his recent autobiography, the Texas senator looked back on his time clerking for Supreme Court chief justice William Rehnquist. One case required the elderly Supreme Court judges to be introduced to the newfangled concept of Internet pornography. That somehow ended in Cruz accompanying Rehnquist and Justice Sandra Day O’Connor to a showing of “hard-core, explicit images” in the court’s library. Apparently, nobody said anything except O’Connor, who briefly muttered “Oh, my.”
4. Ben Carson’s Prophetic Dream
Ben Carson’s life story is so incredible Cuba Gooding Jr. played him in a TV movie. Growing up in an impoverished area of Detroit, Carson overcame numerous challenges to become a pioneering neurosurgeon and the first person to successfully separate twins conjoined at the head. But none of that might have been possible without a Twilight Zone dream that helped him pass a particularly tricky chemistry course.
As Carson told an audience during the National Day of Prayer breakfast, his first year at Yale was almost a disaster. In fact, his grades in one chemistry course were so bad that it was impossible for him to pass, even if he got 100 percent on the final exam. That meant there was no way he would be able to go on to a top medical school. But at the last minute the professor offered double credit on the final to failing students. So Carson went home and asked God to “please tell me what it is you really want me to do? Or, alternatively and preferably, work a miracle?”
Carson then settled down to study all night, only to promptly fall asleep instead. But it seems like someone up there was looking out for him, since he “dreamed I was in this large auditorium,” where “a nebulous figure” went through some chemistry problems with him. The next day, Carson opened the exam and “recognized the first problem as one of the ones I dreamed about. And the next, and the next, and the next, and I aced the exam . . . and I promised the Lord he would never have to do that for me again.” Still, maybe a quick nap before the next debate couldn’t hurt?
3. Donald Trump And The Speeches Of Hitler
Of course, when it comes to Donald Trump, the challenge is finding a story that isn’t weird. His hair is non-euclidean, his wealth is a lot less than he wants you to think it is, and his “Trump University” has been accused of being a massive con that taught students nothing except how to lie to credit card companies. But maybe the weirdest Trump tale came out during his famously bitter 1990 divorce from his wife Ivana.
As proceedings rumbled on, Donald behaved with his usual class and restraint, telling the media that Ivana was only getting sympathy because “when a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left.” But Ivana got her own back by revealing that Donald enjoyed reading a book of Hitler’s speeches, which he kept by his bed.
Asked about the issue by Vanity Fair, Trump admitted he had the book, but added that it was given to him by Paramount’s Marty Davis “and he’s a Jew.” The magazine also tracked down Davis, who said he thought Trump “would find it interesting,” adding “I’m not Jewish.” His lawyer later observed that the tycoon was “a believer in the big-lie theory,” referring to Hitler’s belief that people were more likely to believe colossal, confident lies than small half-truths.
2. Lincoln Chafee’s Surprisingly Heartbreaking Campaign
The first thing to say about Lincoln Chafee is that he exists and he’s running for president. In a presidential cycle currently boasting an astonishing 22 major candidates, the former senator and Rhode Island governor might be the longest shot of them all. As of June, his entire campaign staff consisted of two people and he only had three events on his schedule for the next three weeks. Even the announcement that he was running for president was made to a crowd of just 100 people. In one Monmouth University poll of over 1,000 people, he received literally zero votes. According to the Daily Beast, “getting him on the phone is not particularly difficult, and he will graciously remain on the line until you’ve asked all your questions.”
Of course, Chafee has to make the most of what coverage he can get. After he announced he was considering a run, his wife posted on Facebook that not a single journalist had bothered to get in touch: “No one has contacted him. So SAD!” She later posted asking if anyone remembered the password to his own Facebook page, which had around 6,100 likes at the time. Even George Pataki is doing better than that and George Pataki could probably swoop across the nation on a mighty dragon without the media noticing.
1. Bobby Jindal Battled A Demon
A political prodigy, current governor Bobby Jindal was running the Louisiana Department of Health at just 24 years old. Still, Jindal had already managed to pack in plenty of life experience at that point, including converting to Catholicism and participating in a terrifying demonic exorcism.
According to an article Jindal wrote for the New Oxford Review, the exorcism involved a friend and potential love interest (although they were “very careful to avoid any form of physical contact in our friendship”) named Susan, who had been dealt a string of personal blows, including skin cancer and a friend’s suicide. When Susan started smelling of sulphur and having strange visions, it began to seem like her personal demons might be starting to get a bit literal.
Things came to a head at a prayer meeting, when “Susan emitted some strange guttural sounds and fell to the floor” before speaking in a strange voice. Gathering around, Susan’s friends began chanting “Satan, I command you to leave this woman” and ordering all “demons to leave in the name of Christ.” They tried to get Susan to read some Bible passages, but she literally couldn’t spit the words out and just started cursing instead.
According to Jindal, he then began feeling “some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe . . . I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.”
Luckily, the exorcism seemed to work and Susan suddenly snapped to and shouted “Jesus is Lord” before asking if anything had happened. Asked about the incident by the New Orleans Times-Picayune, Jindal would only say that he “wrote a lot of stuff in high school and college . . . I just hope they don’t review my grade school work.”
So as stated in the beginning of this article, that a quick look at the candidates for 2016 reveals that America’s next president is probably going to be a very strange person indeed.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. August 12, 2015.8/05/12
By Metro Reporter for Metro.co.uk/ Tuesday 19 Nov 2013 3:11pm
Short for self-aggrandisement (probably), the selfie has become an ubiquitous symbol of modern celebrity culture.
If you have been hiding under a rock somewhere and don’t know what a selfie is then here is the definition of selfie for Wikipedia:
“A selfie is a term for a self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a digital camera or camera phone held in the hand or supported by a selfie stick. Selfies are often shared on social networking services such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They are usually flattering and made to appear casual. Most selfies are taken with a camera held at arm's length or pointed at a mirror, rather than by using a self-timer.”
Obviously the general message you’re sending out when you take a selfie is: ‘Look at me, I want your attention!’ but there are also countless other things selfies tell your followers.
Here are the 12 types of selfie and what they say about you…
1. The shy selfie
‘I’m so shy. That’s why I got my hair did and put a full face of make-up on before looking discreetly away from the camera for this one. #humble.’
2. The selfie au naturel
‘Took my make-up off and still found myself super attractive, so thought I’d share it with the world.’
3. The trout-pout selfie
I’m not actually sure what this is. Is it like duck face? Only… it states “I’m upset or pouting.”
4. The belfie
‘LOOK AT MY BODY PARTS.’
5. The silly selfie
‘See? I’m pulling a face so I’m not trying to look cute. This totally isn’t about vanity.’
6. The headless selfie
‘My face looks like s*** today, but my body’s still rockin’ so here it is.’
7. The holiday selfie
‘Oh hey everyone. Just chilling, thought I’d update you on what the top of my ass looks like. Oh btw, I’m in the French Riviera, NBD.’
8. The famous friends selfie
‘Look who I bumped into! Happens all the time. I’m so well-connected!’
9. The badass selfie
‘I didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose me. And then I chose to live-tweet it.’
10. The couple’s selfie
‘We’re enjoying each other’s company so much we’ve spent much of our time together taking photos of ourselves.’
11. The post-workout selfie
‘Here are some stomach crunches I did.’
12. The naughty selfie
This selfie states to anyone viewing; ‘Hey…what are you doing tonight?’
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, August 05, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
The Huffington Post | By Katla McGlynn
In today’s technological age many of us communicate via text messages. Texting is fast, can be efficient and in many cases straight to the point. To assist us in texting many smartphone have autocorrect that aids in correcting misspelled word. However at times it seems autocorrect can have a mind of its own. Here are some examples of text messages gone wrong.
1. Text after the first date:
Girl: Thank you again for an amazing first date
Boy: Any time. When’s the second date? I can’t wait to see those big beautiful nipples of yours. Oh, NO! I’m so sorry I meant dimples, my phone changed it
2. Worst “Happy Birthday” wish to husband:
Wife: Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to dead husband! Happy Birthday to you!
Husband: Thanks. I assume you meant “dear”.
Wife: Yes!!! I mean that is a crazy autocorrect! Sorry babe.
3. Friday Fun:
Male: Can’t wait to see you babe.
Female: It’s Friday. I’m getting pregnant tonight!
Male: Shouldn’t we talk first?
Female: Oh my God! I wrote pringles and it autocorrected to pregnant
Male: I almost had a heart attack!
4. Jump leads to dump!
Husband: Be warned: I’m dumping you when I get home tonight.
Wife: Fine with me. I was just thinking we could use some time apart.
Husband: What!? I got autocorrected. I meant to write jump not dump you and now you’re telling me you want to break up!?
Wife: Well…this is awkward.
5. To mutilate or marry?
Girl A: You think he’s the one?
Girl B: All I know is that he makes me really happy. He’s the only guy I’ve ever even considered mutilating.
Girl A: Mutilating???
Girl B: MARRYING, not mutilating…
6. Breastfeed or believe?
Girlfriend: I don’t want to talk about this now.
Boyfriend: Whatever. I was not flirting with her!
Girlfriend:Yeah that’s not what Hannah said.
Boyfriend:She’s lying. I wish you would breastfeed me!
Boyfriend: I meant believe me! BELIEVE ME!!!!
7. Finding a pencil for exam:
A: Can I get my pencil back? I have an exam in 30.
B: Yeah. I’ll get it out of my lover.
A: Haha. You and Dan are into some kinky stuff.
B: Locker. Love it!
8. New color for a room:
A: Are you done painting Jason’s living room yet? What’s the color?
B: Just finished. It’s called period red.
A: Dude. No!
B: It’s called Persian red! I got autocorrected. Epic fail!
9. Teacher’s compliment gets personal:
Student: Thank you for the nice comments on my speech tonight!
Teacher: You’re welcome. Your breast stood out tonight.
Teacher:I am soooo sorry, that was to say, your BEST stood out tonight. Stupid autocorrect!
10. Mom’s WTF and LOL!
Daughter: Got an “A” in chem!
Mom: WTF, well done!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well that’s fantastic!
Mom: Your aunt just passes away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny mom?
Mom: It’s not funny, what do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means laughing out loud!
Mom: OMG! I sent that to everyone! I thought it means “Lots of Love!”
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 22, 2015.
10 Signs You're Not An Alpha Male, Sorry
By AskMen Editors, July 2015
They’re cool. They’re confident. They walk into a room, and everybody stops and notices. When they speak, other guys listen. Guys want to hang out with them. Women want to go out with them. They’re alpha males. An alpha male has certain unmistakable characteristics. A natural leader, he is a pack-builder. He leads, provides for and protects his pack (his significant other, his buddies, his teammates, and so on). The changing world presents a continuing opportunity for an alpha male. Where other guys see change as crisis, an alpha male is in his natural element. He continually observes cause and effect, and turns every opportunity to the advantage of his pack. He loves to win, and is good at it.
He is unconcerned with his image -- he just goes about winning the game at hand, whatever it may be, and others follow. They copy his style, speech and look. An alpha male never copies anyone else.
Often laid-back until there is a need for action, an alpha male is fearless in a necessary fight. And he is the best leader of men there is. But there are some things an alpha male never does. This is a list of the 10 dead-certain giveaways that you are not an alpha male.
10. You Get Her To Pay For Dinner
An alpha male never takes advantage of other people and their kindness. He works hard to provide for himself, and doesn't feel comfortable being in other people's debt. If his date tries to contribute, his first instinct is to calmly take the check and say, "Let me get this." According to recent research, 77 percent of people in straight relationships still that on a first date, it's the man who should pick up the tab.
9. You Never Apologize, Even When You're Wrong
An alpha male has no hang-ups. He simply says, "I was wrong. I apologize." And then he sets out to rectify the problem as best he can using the means available to him.
8. You Suck Up To Leaders And Seek Their Approval
An alpha male doesn't suck up to anyone. In most situations, he is the leader. And when he isn't, he's respectful, but not afraid to speak his mind if the situation calls for it. He gets ahead through effort and hard work, not through buttering up to the right people.
7. You Gossip
About your boss. About your buddies. About your girlfriend. You don't mind pointing out other people's failings and weaknesses and having a good laugh at their expense. An alpha male never betrays his pack, but he doesn't feel the need to belittle others either. He doesn't need to build himself up by tearing people down.
6. You Panic In A Crisis
An alpha male's natural element is change. Rapid change is simply an interesting challenge to him. He goes into a special kind of ice-cold, almost detached state, quickly sums up the situation, does due diligence if time allows for it, and acts immediately and decisively based on prior experience. His heart rate might increase a little bit, but he isn't scared.
5. You Act Before You Think
An alpha male may act with lightning speed, but he always thinks before he does so. He never runs to the corner and goes off in all directions; he knows that well-considered actions are the ones that bring positive results, not knee-jerk reactions.
4. You Blame Others
An alpha male takes responsibility for his own actions. He doesn't seek out excuses to make himself seem less culpable; he knows that his hard work and persistence will eventually turn the tide in his favor, so he doesn't sweat owning up to his mistakes.
3. You Lie
To your boss. To your buddies. To your girlfriend. An Alpha Male isn't a liar. He's a stand-up guy; he shoots straight. He doesn't have to slither out of a mess he got himself into. He does what's right, and lets the chips fall where they may.
2. You Betray Others To Get Ahead
An alpha male never betrays a member of his pack, and he doesn't stab his coworkers or acquaintances in the back either. By conducting himself in a gentlemanly manner, he gets the respect he deserves -- and that pays off much more than whatever benefits he would get from throwing others under the bus.
1. You Bully People
An alpha male isn't afraid to take on a real fight when it's necessary -- and only if it is necessary, since alphas aren't "scrappers" -- but he won't think twice about taking on someone far bigger/stronger/better-situated than he is if the matter being decided is serious. Due to his fierce drive, chances are good that he'll win -- and if he doesn't, you can bet he won't blame anyone else.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 15, 2015.
By Heather Poole – Mental Floss.com
Many individuals travel for business that may require flying from one destination to another. If you’re not taking a flight for a business trip, as summer has arrived many of us may be taking vacations that require a plane ride or flight to our destinations. In our flight we are introduce to our flight attendants. Who are these flight attendants and do they have any trade secrets that may surprise us? Here at 10 secrets of flight attendants:
1. IF THE PLANE DOOR IS OPEN, WE’RE NOT GETTING PAID.
You know all that preflight time where we’re cramming bags into overhead bins? None of that shows up in our paychecks. Flight attendants get paid for “flight hours only.” Translation: The clock doesn’t start until the craft pushes away from the gate. Flight delays, cancellations, and layovers affect us just as much as they do passengers—maybe even more.
Airlines aren’t completely heartless, though. From the time we sign in at the airport until the plane slides back into the gate at our home base, we get an expense allowance of $1.50 an hour. It’s not much, but it helps pay the rent.
2. LANDING THIS GIG IS TOUGH.
Competition is fierce: When Delta announced 1,000 openings in 2010, it received over 100,000 applications. Even Harvard’s acceptance rate isn’t that low!
All that competition means that most applicants who score interviews have college degrees—I know doctors and lawyers who’ve made the career switch.
But you don’t need a law degree to get your foot in the jetway door. Being able to speak a second language greatly improves your chances. So does having customer service experience (especially in fine dining) or having worked for another airline, a sign that you can handle the lifestyle.
The 4 percent who do get a callback interview really need to weigh the pros and cons of the job. As we like to say, flight attendants must be willing to cut their hair and go anywhere. And if you can’t survive on $18,000 a year, most new hires’ salary, don’t even think about applying.
3. WE CAN BE TOO TALL OR TOO SHORT TO FLY.
During Pan Am’s heyday in the 1960s, there were strict requirements for stewardesses: They had to be at least 5-foot-2, weigh no more than 130 pounds, and retire by age 32. They couldn’t be married or have children, either. As a result, most women averaged just 18 months on the job.
In the 1970s, the organization Stewardesses for Women’s Rights forced airlines to change their ways. The mandatory retirement age was the first thing to go. By the 1980s, the marriage restriction was gone as well. These days, as long as flight attendants can do the job and pass a yearly training program, we can keep flying.
As for weight restrictions, most of those disappeared in the 1990s. Today, the rules are about safety: Flight attendants who can’t sit in the jump seat without an extended seat belt or can’t fit through the emergency exit window cannot fly. The same goes for height requirements: We have to be tall enough to grab equipment from the overhead bins, but not so tall that we’re hitting our heads on the ceiling. Today, that typically means between 5-foot-3 and 6-foot-1, depending on the aircraft.
4. WE CAN BE FIRED FOR BIZARRE REASONS.
Newly hired flight attendants are placed on strict probation for their first six months. I know one new hire who lost her job for wearing her uniform sweater tied around her waist. Another newbie got canned for pretending to be a full-fledged attendant so she could fly home for free. (Travel benefits don’t kick in until we’re off probation.) But the most surprising violation is flying while ill: If we call in sick, we aren’t allowed to fly, even as a passenger on another airline. It’s grounds for immediate dismissal.
5. DIET COKE IS OUR NEMESIS!
Of all the drinks we serve, Diet Coke takes the most time to pour—the fizz takes forever to settle at 35,000 feet. In the time it takes me to pour a single cup of Diet Coke, I can serve three passengers a different beverage. So even though giving cans to first-class passengers is a big no-no, you’ll occasionally spy 12 ounces of silver trimmed in red sitting up there.
6. IF YOU TRY TO SNEAK A DEAD BODY ONTO A PLANE, WE WILL NOTICE.
You may have heard the story of a Miami passenger who tried to board a flight with his dead mother inside a garment bag. Why would someone do such a thing? Because it’s expensive to transport human bodies! Prices vary by destination, but delivering a body on a flight can cost up to $5,000. Commercial carriers transport bodies across the country every day, and because the funeral directors who arrange these flights are offered air miles for their loyalty, they’re not always concerned about finding the lowest fare.
Thankfully, I’ve never had someone sneak a deceased passenger on board, but my roommate did. She knew the man was dead the moment she saw him looking gray and slumped over in a wheelchair, even though his wife and daughter assured her he was just battling the flu. Midway through the flight, the plane had to make an unscheduled landing when it became apparent that no amount of Nyquil was going to revive him.
No one officially dies in-flight unless there’s a doctor on board to make the pronouncement. On these very rare occasions, the crew will do everything possible to manage the situation with sensitivity and respect. Unfortunately, most flights are full, so it’s not always possible to move an “incapacitated” passenger to an empty row of seats. Singapore Airlines is the most prepared. Its planes feature a “corpse cupboard,” a compartment for storing a dead body if the situation arises.
7. WE’LL ALSO NOTICE IF YOU TRY TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB.
It’s usually the long line of people waiting to use the bathroom that gives you away, and nine times out of 10, it’s a passenger who asks the flight attendants to intervene. Strictly speaking, it’s not against the law to join the Mile High Club. But it is against the law to disobey crew member commands. If we ask you to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing, by all means, stop! Otherwise, you’re going to have a very awkward conversation when you meet your cell mate.
8. WE’RE THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST HUMAN TRAFFICKING.
When I started flying, I never dreamed I’d be working with the police, but it’s become an important part of the job. This new role started with Sandra Fiorini, an American Airlines flight attendant who testified to Congress about an 18-year-old male passenger carrying a newborn with its umbilical cord still attached. No mother in sight, just one bottle of milk and two diapers stuck in his pocket for the six-hour flight. When Fiorini reported her suspicions to the authorities, she got no response.
In 2007, Fiorini met Deborah Sigmund, founder of the organization Innocents at Risk, and they began working together to train airline employees on what to spot and who to call. In 2011, this translated into hundreds of flight attendants from different airlines volunteering to help police at the Super Bowl, a hotbed for trafficking prostitutes.
9. SENIORITY MEANS SHORTER SKIRTS.
Our tenure on the job doesn’t just determine which routes we fly and which days we get to take off; it also affects the hierarchy in our crashpad, an apartment shared by as many as 20 flight attendants. Seniority is the difference between top or lower bunk, what floor your bed is on, and just how far away your room is from noisy areas such as doors or stairwells.
Seniority even determines the length of our skirts—we can’t hem them above a certain length until we’re off probation. Afterward, it’s OK to shorten the hem and show a little leg. Some of the friskier pilots take advantage of the long hems; they know that new hires tend to be more flattered by their advances than senior flight attendants. (One senior flight attendant I know intentionally left her skirt long just to keep these guys interested!)
10. YOU’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED EXTREME TURBULENCE.
More than 2 million people fly in the United States each day, and yet since 1980, only three people have died as a direct result of turbulence. Of those fatalities, two passengers weren’t wearing their safety belts. During that same time period, the Federal Aviation Administration recorded just over 300 serious injuries from turbulence, and more than two-thirds of the victims were flight attendants. What do these numbers mean? As long as your seat belt is on, you’re more likely to be injured by falling luggage than by choppy air.
Interestingly, on some airlines, a flight attendant’s injuries in flight can’t be officially classified as an on-duty injury unless it happens during what’s known as “extreme turbulence”—where the captain loses control of the plane or the craft sustains structural damage. In both of those cases, the aircraft must be grounded and inspected. Because no one wants to ground a plane, captains are very hesitant to hand out the “extreme turbulence” label. A friend of mine who works closely with airline management said he’s never seen a pilot label rough air as “extreme turbulence.” So the next time you’re nervous about some mid-flight bumps, just take a deep breath and remind yourself, “This isn’t extreme!”
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 08, 2015.
By Jack Giddingson, October 17, 2013 at 6:51 pm – Chicago Medical Center
It's no coincidence that marijuana legalization support has surged with the growth of social media. The voices of the Reefer Madness era are silenced daily as studies and testimonials continue pouring in about this often misunderstood plant. Ignorance still remains, however, and this fight won't be won without continued education of the masses.
It takes one fact that hits home to sway someone's opinion. Maybe one of the following will do that for you. Here are five things about marijuana you may not have known:
1. THC and CBD, marijuana's primary cannabinoids, are both cancer killers.
No, I'm not talking about using marijuana to help manage cancer's effects. It's actually anti-cancer.
Recent research out of Spain suggests that THC, marijuana's psychoactive ingredient, kills brain cancer cells. Study co-author Guillermo Velasco claims that when THC was applied to cancerous brain tissue, the cancer cells were killed while healthy cells were left alone.
CBD apparently does the same; a pair of scientists from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco demonstrated the cannabinoid's ability to stop metastasis in many kinds of aggressive cancer.
Imagine if this plant were discovered in a jungle two weeks ago. What would the news be saying? The CBD article goes as far as to say the breakthrough could "potentially alter the fatality of the disease forever." The lack of media coverage for this is astounding, but that doesn't diminish the research.
2. Marijuana triggers neurogenesis. Layman's terms: It leads to brain cell growth.
Wait....marijuana is supposed to kill brain cells, right?
The roots of the marijuana-kills-brain-cells myth are deep despite the lack of credible evidence. The original study supporting this notion is questionable at best and recent research suggests exactly the opposite.
In 2005, a study showed cannabinoids' ability to promote neurogenesis in the adult hippocampus, the brain region responsible for many important brain functions including mood and memory. The authors also cited anti-anxiety and anti-depressant effects that accompany the neurogenesis. This explains why people across California, Colorado, Washington and other marijuana-friendly states often turn to the herb for a mood-boost instead of pharmaceutical drugs. It also supports research that marijuana helps improve cognitive function in bipolar disorder patients. This brings us to our next fact....
3. Suicide rates are lower in areas where medical marijuana is available.
A Denver state-level study analyzed the statistical trend of suicide after introduction of medical marijuana.
From the study:
"Our results suggest that the passage of a medical marijuana law is associated with an almost 5% reduction in total suicide rate, an 11% reduction in the suicide rate of age 20-29 males, and a 9% reduction in the suicide rate of 30-39 males."
It's interesting this hasn't become mainstream data in a country so focused on suicide prevention. Not surprisingly, one of the main reasons cited by the study's authors for the decrease was connected to the at-risk population (20 and 30-something males) replacing alcohol with marijuana. This data makes the strictness of Illinois' new medical marijuana policy even more laughable.
"Don't let usage get out of control! Less people might commit suicide!"
Speaking of marijuana's effects on well-being, I highly recommend this very personal, heart-wrenching article.
But what about the physical effects?
4. There is zero evidence that marijuana causes significant lung damage.
While vaporization is always touted as the safest method of marijuana ingestion, the largest study of its kind suggested marijuana-only smoking is harmless as well:
"We hypothesized that there would be a positive association between marijuana use and lung cancer, and that the association would be more positive with heavier use. What we found instead was no association at all, and even some suggestion of a protective effect."
The above words come from UCLA Medical Doctor Donald Tashkin, author of the study and marijuana researcher of more than 30 years.
Considering the tar in marijuana smoke was found to contain as many harmful carcinogens as cigarette smoke, this study actually strengthens the notion that marijuana is anti-cancer. The plant itself seems to have an offsetting effect for the harmful properties of smoke.
5. There are two completely different types of marijuana, both with different effects on the user.
One of the biggest mistakes made by people who first try marijuana is immediately thinking that it's "not for them." It certainly isn't for everyone, but what if they just tried the wrong kind?
There are hundreds of different strains of marijuana, tagged with names like Blue Dream, OG Kush, Trainwreck or Pineapple. All of these are categorized as "Sativa" or "Indica." Here's a simple-as-possible explanation on the difference:
Sativas are usually day-time strains, used to enhance the experience of social events, time in nature or listening to new music. Caregivers often recommend sativa strains for patients seeking relief from depression, PTSD, fatigue and some types of anxiety and pain. Some patients even report positive effects on ADHD while medicating with sativa strains. Although sativas produce an enjoyable effect, they usually are the culprit for an inexperienced user "tweaking out" during one of their first times smoking.
Indicas are often smoked at night due to their narcotic effect on the user. Indica strains are perfect for users suffering from any type of pain, nausea or anxiety. They're also preferable for novice users as they acclimate themselves to the herb. This variety is popular for meditation or yoga due to its mind-calming qualities.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 01, 2015.
12 Traits of a Great Father
By Julian Marcus, Relationship Expert
1- He's a good disciplinarian
A good father loves his children, but he doesn't let them get away with murder. He strongly disapproves of his children's misdeeds, using tough love to prove a point. He does this through the power of his words, not his fists.
Likewise, a father doesn't reward his children for actions that are expected of them, such as helping with house chores or performing well in school. If his child drops out of school, the father demands that he provide for himself, considering the child no longer wants to invest in his own future.
2- He allows his kids to make some mistakes
A good father realizes that his children are human, and that making mistakes is part of growing up. Spending money recklessly, getting into minor car accidents, getting drunk and sick for the first time, even dating questionable women are rites of passage, and a good father recognizes this. However, he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated.
3- He's open-minded
A good father understands that times, people and tastes change over the years, and doesn't try to maintain some gold standard of his own time. For instance, he realizes that body piercings are more commonplace than before, that more couples have premarital sex, and that people talk more candidly about personal issues. In other words, he allows his children to be citizens of their day and age.
He shows his kids that everything has its value...
4- He teaches his children to appreciate things
A good father never lets his children take what they have for granted. From the food on the table to the good education he's paying for, a good father will make his children see the value in everything they have. He'll ask his child to get a job to help pay for a part of his first car, and take the time to illustrate how important a good education is. He doesn't let his kids treat him like an ATM.
5- He accepts that his kids aren't exactly like him
Everyone is different and a father knows this well. He won't expect his kids to live the same kind of life he does, and do the same kind of work. He also respects their values and opinions, as long as they don't harm the family or anyone else.
To use a pop culture example, he's like Martin Crane from Frasier ; the everyman blue-collar dad who allowed his pompous sons to steer their lives in a different direction, even if he didn't quite agree with them.
6- He spends quality time with his children
A dad knows how to have fun with his kids too, taking them out to games, movies, and supporting their sports teams by attending their matches. He takes the time to listen to his kids and have a good, easy chat with them. He also makes time to help them with their homework, every night if necessary.
7- He leads by example
A good father is above the old "do as I say, not as I do" credo. He will not smoke if he doesn't want his kids to do it, and definitely won't drink heavily. He teaches them to deal with conflict with a family member and with others by being firm but reasonable at the same time.
A good father also illustrates the importance of affection by professing his love for their mother in front of them. And he won't fight with her in their presence. In all, he adheres to the values he'd like his children to follow.
He's fiercely loyal to his family...
8- He's supportive & loyal
Although he may be a football fanatic, if his son doesn't share his love for the game, he accepts it. He may be loyal to his alma mater and dream of having his kid follow his legacy, but if his son prefers to study abroad, he'll support his decision to take a different path.
A good father is also his children's public defender, standing up for them when needed. He waits for privacy to administer discipline. A safety net, a good father is also the person his kids turn to when things go wrong.
9- He challenges his kids
A father wants his children to be the best they can be, and gives them challenges that help them grow as human beings. This means giving them some liberty to face setbacks and resolve conflicts on their own. Or it could be a task, such as building something for the house.
If a father wants his children to take over the family business, he teaches them how to keep it flourishing — provided that's the path they want to take.
10- He teaches his children lessons
A father figure is the prime source of knowledge in the ways of men, and teaches his kids accordingly. From shaving to being courageous, a father molds his kids into well-rounded members of society. He especially instructs them in proper etiquette, on being honest and keeping their word, and on being thankful.
A great father knows he must sacrifice his own comfort for his fatherly duties. For instance, if he comes home from a hard day at work and catches his kids looking at porn on the Net, he'll take the time to address an awkward situation even though he's tired.
11- He protects his family at all costs
As the main provider of security and necessities, a father will do whatever he can for his family. He'll take a second job to provide for them, and he'll put his own safety on the line to keep them out of harm's way. This is how a father instills in his children the importance of personal sacrifice.
12- He shows unconditional love
This is the greatest quality of a good father. Even though he gets upset at his children's faults and may lament that they did not attain what he hoped for them, a father loves his children no less for it.
Give props to dad
In these days of polarized sexual politics, the value of a great father is often overlooked. But there are few things as valuable as a father who will do everything he can, and provide all the tools he has so that his children can become better than him.
This Father's Day, show your dad you appreciate what a great man he is. Take the time to make yourself just as grand.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, June 17, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
Weird Phobias of Hollywood Celebrities that effect their Relationships: What are Your Relational Phobias?
By, OMG.com, Factslides.com, and American Psychological Association (APA.com)
You might imagine, what with the electric gates, CCTV cameras and burly security guards, that aside from the odd stalker the celebs would have little to fear. But it seems they’re actually freaked out by the strangest phobias in medical dictionary that affect their relationships. Some of their phobias are:
Philophobia is the fear of falling in love
Gamophobia is the fear of relationships.
Monophobia is the fear of being alone.
Vestiophobia is fear of clothes.
Andgymnophobia is fear of nudity.
So here I have compiled a list of some of really weird phobias of famous Hollywood celebrities that have effected their relationships and possibly your relationships. See if these phobias effect your relationships:
David Beckham is a terrific athlete, a great dresser, and well, quite perfect-looking physically. Perhaps that can all be attributed to his ataxophobia, or fear of disorder. He’s said to line up soda cans a certain way in the refrigerator.
Madonna’s always been a fearless femme fatale in our eyes. But even kickboxing, leather corset-wearing megastars are afraid of thunderstorms. YES, Madonna suffers brontophobia, the fear of thunder.
Orlando Bloom is just too cute for words, but the green-living British actor has a strange phobia, swinophobia. It’s the fear of pigs, and rumor has it that Orlando’s participation in the Animal Farm remake could be compromised because of it.
Lovely Nicole Kidman has admitted to suffering panic attacks when she steps out onto the red carpet, but she has another, ironic phobia. She’s afraid of butterflies. Who knew that something so delicate and ethereal could freak out, well, someone so delicate and ethereal?
I was surprised to learn that Christina Ricci has botanophobia, or intense fear of houseplants. She thinks they’re dirty, and they “freak [her] out.” This means she doesn’t have a gardern fore sure.
Anderson has eisoptrophobia, or a fear of mirrors. Anderson’s phobia is probably really a fear of seeing her own reflection of herself. Maybe plastic surgery and implants are just too much to handle?
Kelly has Haphophobia which is the fear of being touched, and her brother Jack once said in an interview, “All you have to do is just touch her collarbone. It’s awesome, she starts dry-retching.”
Billy Bob Thornton
We all know that Billy Bob Thornton is a pretty eccentric character who does what he wants. But he’s also plagued by chromophobia and a fear of antique furniture. Thornton admitted that he’s “creeped out by old furniture,”
Come on, Matthew McConaughey isn’t afraid of anything, is he? Turns out, the outdoorsy guy is petrified of tunnels and revolving doors, saying that he gets anxious as soon as he sees the spinning doors.
Basinger has agoraphobia, which is the fear of open spaces, and, as People.com reports, “has twice confined her to home for six-month stints.” Side effects of agoraphobia include extreme shyness and a fierce need for privacy.
Here are phobias that effect relationships:
1. Ablutophobia is the phobia of washing, cleaning and bathing
2. Estiophobia is the fear of clothes
3. Chorophobia is the fear of dancing
4. Spectrophobia is the fear of mirrors
4. Anthophobia is the fear of flowers
5. Hedonophobia is the fear of pleasure
6. Caligynephobiais the fear of beautiful women
7. Cherophobiais the fear of being too happy because "something tragic" will happen
8. "Pistanthrophobia"is the fear of trusting people due to bad past experiences
9. Ommatophobiais the fear of eyes
10. Odontophobiais the fear of dentistry and of receiving dental care.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, June 03, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
What Does My Eye Color Mean?
Have you ever wondered if the color of your eyes meant anything? Oddly enough studies have actually indicated that there are common personality traits among people with the same eye color. It doesn’t matter if you have brown eyes which are the most common or green eyes which are the least common, this article will have something in it for you. I have put together a list of traits that are associated with the many different types of eye colors. Does the color of your eyes actually have a meaning, well you can be the judge!
1. Blue Eyes
1 in 6 people in the world have blue eyes. Blue-eyes are commonly known as the prettiest eye color, and people who have blue eyes are associated as being good looking. People with blue eyes have the longest lasting relationships. They tend to be kind and are very good kissers. One of their main goals is to make people happy.
You are seen as balanced, peaceful and tend to be spiritual. People turn to you for stability. You don't let other people see you sweat. In fact, you don't even usually let yourself sweat. You are an accepting, mild mannered person. You are very observant and can quietly assess a situation, no matter how good or bad it may be. You don't have much of a temper, and it's hard to make you angry. You would rather move on than hold a grudge.
2. Green Eyes
1-2% of the world population has green eyes. Green-eyed people are known as being very special due to the rarity of green eyes. Green eyes are typically associated with magic. People with green eyes tend to have long lasting relationships and have the most passion when they are in relationships. People with green eyes are also associated as being very good looking and some-what mystical. Green eyed people long for the touch of another.
You are seen as friendly and approachable. It's easy for you to relate to people. You don't let other people see you irritated. You try to keep any negativity to yourself. You enjoy the company of others. You are always happier when you're with friends. Other people inspire you and enrich your life. You are a true extrovert. People who green eyes have an incredible zest for life who want to live life fully!
3. Brown Eyes
More than 50% of the world population has brown eyes. Whether you have the darkest shade of brown to the lightest shade, Brown-eyed people are associated as being very normal. Brown eyes are one of the most common eye colors and therefore this color is known as being average. People with brown eyes are very attractive, adorable and aim at making new friends. They are very trustworthy and will do anything for people that are special in their lives. Brown eyed people are kind and love to cheer people up. They are the greatest kissers of all.
You are seen as brilliant and irreverent. You speak your mind, and people love you for it.
You don't let other people see any insecurities you might have. You like to present a brave front. You are sharp as a tack and very quick on your feet. You're the first to get or tell a joke.
You are also clear thinking in a crisis. You are an excellent problem solver.
4. Hazel Eyes
20-23% of people in the world have hazel eye. People with hazel eyes tend to be gorgeous. They have very unusual relationships that tend to be short. Hazel eyed people are very diverse and love to try new things. They are risk takers and rarely will say no to a challenge. Hazel eyed people are also the best in bed.
You are seen as artistic and perceptive. People are delighted by your original ideas.
You don't let other people see all the hard work you do to be creative. You may it seem effortless. You are very ambitious and at times ruthless. You are determined to get what you want. You will step over someone to get to the top, but you're so charming that no one will notice!
5. Black Eyes
Less than 1% of the world population had black eyes. Though rare, Black-Eyed people are not surprisingly, very mysterious and secretive. They rarely give out information about themselves and it is because of this that they are very interesting to most people. They are associated with mystery, darkness and are typically the hero in many vampire stories.
People who have black eyes are known to be sensual in nature and very secretive. They also possess the capacity to develop psychic powers by using their inner energy. People with black eyes don’t leave their friends in need and are very loyal and sincere towards them. They are optimists and won’t rest when they have to demonstrate they have to do something. They know how to prove their worth to others.
6. Gray Eye
Though very rare (no percentage recorded) people with Gray eyes are very adaptable to any situation they may find themselves in. They are very strong and know themselves very well. They are also very bright but are sensitive about how they are portrayed to others.
You are often seen as serious and rational. You are hard to read. You don't let other people see your true emotions. You believe your mood is private. You see things logically. You are good at not judging until all the facts are in. You are sure of what you know, and you have no problem defending your beliefs to others. You possess a style of analytical thinking and are rational and clear in your thoughts.
If you are not happy with your eye color or what it represents you can thank your parents. More specifically you can thank the parent that carries the dominant gene of a specific eye color because that is who you got that beautiful color from!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, May 20, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
By Ashley McDonald
“What did you just say?” I ask with hands on hips, fiery eyes, and a scowl so deep even Rizzo from Grease would be proud.
Usually men are smart enough to know what not to say…usually. Especially since they already know exactly what they'd never want a girlfriend to say to them. But some boyfriend slip-ups are so frustrating that they can cause a woman to ball her fists and silently count to ten while practicing Guided Imagery mediation.
Pay attention, men and women: here are the 10 worst things you could possibly say to your lady or man:
Ugh. Dudes, I cannot stress this enough: directing either of these phrases at us will mean a metaphorical hail/thunder/fire/ice storm coming your way. It might not be logical, but when you say “calm down,” we're only going to rev up. A lot.
We have a lot of crap, alright? We’re women. We like clothes. And makeup. And hair products. Andshoes. And no, we can’t “throw out” any of it. How could you even suggest such an atrocity? Make room, men. Our stuff’s not going anywhere.
Sure, we love to hear this when we’re in bed, stuffing our faces with puffy Cheetos while watching “Mad Men” and allowing our French Green Clay mud masks to dry. But if it’s said after we spend an hour and a half curling our hair and perfecting the cat eye/red lip combo applied just to impress you…BAD. GO STAND IN THE CORNER.
Look, guys: we have hair, and we work hard to make it pretty by purchasing expensive conditioners and flat irons. You could show a little love for it by picking out the curls in the shower drain yourself once in a while. We promise you won’t die or actually chuck up your lunch.
No, we cannot cook tonight, because we’re in the mood for take-out Chinese or pizza after a long, demanding day at work. Sometimes, a lady’s gotta rest and just enjoy the perks of ordering in. This is the 21st century and we’re not obligated. But if you do want to put in a request for a homemade dinner, we need at least 24 hours notice (hello, prep work).
Um, maybe you should get your nose checked out, because no it doesn’t. But if you do think our beauty products smell bad, say it nicely and maybe we’ll replace them. For example, “The way your hair mousse smells gives me a bit of a headache,” is a much preferred alternative to "Your head stinks."
FYI, the apartment became dirty when YOU invited your friends over to watch “Jackass: The Movie Part 6,” and now we’re cleaning up after you. Put on earmuffs. Invest in a sound machine. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES while we're sucking up the doughnut crumbs in the living room.
This is totallynot the way to ask us to get you off when your little guy is poking us in the middle of a cuddle sesh. Kiss us passionately. Caress our skin. Remind us why you think we’re fabulous. And maybe then we’ll help you out there.
We can’t control our sleep habits, just as you can’t do much about that habitual extreme snoring. I mean, I guess we can try to work on it…but we’re not sure how, because we’re sleeping. Go watch some TV.
Yes, we understand that we’re running ten minutes behind, but reminding us is only going to make us want to snap your head off (we’ve been taking secret karate lessons behind your back…and now you know). While we’re doing our best to get our tights on and remove the hot rollers, why not just “calm down” and “relax”?
1. "I hate your friends."
You may not appreciate the way Billy chugs beer and smashes cans on his head in our living room, but hate is a terribly strong word. Our friends are extensions of ourselves, representing at least one or more of aspect of our personalities -- we will take any unfounded criticism of our friends just as personally as you would any similar affront to your lady pals.
Great, so your ex-boyfriend never accidentally farted in front of you. Does that excuse him for the facts that he had no personality and dressed like a homeless magician? Hey, if you miss Trevor so much, why aren't you with him now? Men absolutely hate being compared to other guys you've dated.
You know what? It's probably best not to talk about previous relationships in any capacity whatsoever. We hate Trevor.
Ask this only if you honestly, truly want to know. Otherwise you can't be surprised when we tell you what we really think of that unflattering dress or bizarre new makeup technique clearly inspired by circus clowns. With that said, a guy should complement a lady on those things he does like before she even has to ask.
Are you, though? Are you really? We know that "I'm fine" after a big fight, crying bout, or a merely difficult conversation indicates that you're actually anything but fine. It's fine if you're fine, but don't use "I'm fine" as a passive aggressive way of testing us…or buying time to silently plot our murder. (The same goes for "nevermind.")
Just because we don't feel like administering a foot massage the moment we are commanded to doesn't mean that we don't love you. Have faith and be patient.
No, we don't like being told what to do, especially when it's to not glance at another human being. Sure, commenting about or acting upon our primitive urges is unquestionably unacceptable, but we men are visual beasts. We will look at Kate Upton, and we will like what we see. It doesn't mean that we're going to leave you for her! (Unless Kate begs.)
Of course it's anything but the end of the world to show up a little bit late to any event (short of your own wedding, perhaps), but to blatantly dismiss a guy's concerns is a sure way to frustrate him even further. If you're late, apologize and talk about how it can be addressed in the future. Trust me, we already know how much you hate being told to "hurry up."
If it hasn't already been explicitly discussed, a guy will freak out about the assumption that marriage is inevitable. And if a guy is on the fence about it, strong-arming him will more than likely just push him in the opposite direction.
Oh, boy. If there's one way to deflate a man's ego, these are the magic words. Uttering such a phrase will make his poor manhood wither like a soggy, limp French fry, and it may never recover. If you're truly sexually incompatible, you should find another partner -- but don't allow temporary frustration to inspire hurtful, defeatist, blanket statements.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, May 13, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
Your body is a pretty well-oiled machine, but that doesn't mean everything always runs smoothly. You hop off a plane, and you're jet-lagged. You wake up one morning and you've got a scratchy throat, or you head into the office meeting and wonder why your hearing is worse than everybody else's.
Fortunately, for as long as we've have these problems, we've been working on ways to fix them. We've looked up and down for the best tips out there to cure common woes, and compiled them here. Check it out!
There’s nothing more annoying than a tickle in your throat that just won’t go away. When you scratch your ear, you stimulate nerves that can cause a muscle spasm in your throat. The spasm can sometimes relieve the tickle and urge to cough. The body is loaded with spurious “pressure points,” but this is one that’s truly helpful.
All pinching your nose and leaning backward will do is cause you to choke on your own blood. Instead, apply pressure to your upper gums, directly under your nose. There’s a vein in there that should stop the nosebleed when compressed. If you’re going to lean anywhere, make it forward, not back. Leaning forward will at least let the blood drip out through your nose instead of your throat.
Everyone knows the circadian rhythm (or body clock) is controlled by light. Most people don’t know about the suprachiasmatic nucleus, which tells the brain when it should be awake based on when food is available. When planning for a trip, switch your meal schedule as close as possible to your destination -- sleep may follow. This is also an excellent excuse to indulge in a full meal at midnight.
It turns out our ears are not created equal. When trying to zero in on a conversation happening away from you, angle your right ear in its direction (it's better at picking up speech patterns). The left, on the other hand, is your go-to ear for trying to remember the artist who sings the song on the radio (it's better at identifying music). If you pay attention, people do this naturally. Remember the last time you and a girl tried to shout at each other in a loud club. Which ear did you turn toward one another?
People are told to hold their breath when they have the hiccups, but that’s counterintuitive. The diaphragm, the spasming muscle responsible for hiccups, can only make you hiccup when there’s air in your lungs. Instead, breathe out as completely as you can, and then hold it and distract yourself by swallowing repetitively. With nothing pressuring your diaphragm, it will calm down.
When you’ve had a few too many, the spins make everything worse. The fix is simple -- plant your hand down on something flat and stable, like a desk or countertop. Your overindulgence made your brain unable to sort out its equilibrium, so contacting a flat surface will remind it that you’re on terra firma. No one’s 100% sure why this works as opposed to, you know, just standing on solid ground, but some suspect that it’s because our hands are much more sensitive than our feet.
Generally speaking, the culprit behind most spicy food is the chemical capsaicin. Next time you overdo it at the Thai restaurant, order a White Russian. Capsaicin is both fat- and alcohol-soluble, and this drink has both of those in spades, thanks to the cream and vodka. If a boozy cure isn’t an option, even warm water will provide a little relief -- just remember to spit it out.
Thanks to the holidays, we’re just as likely to take long trips in the winter as we are in the summer. Motion sickness occurs when your body senses one thing (motion) while your eyes tell your brain you’re sitting still. The disconnect between the two is what results in that queasy feeling. While focusing on the horizon is the best option, others suggest cracking a window and breathing in cold air, as well. No one’s quite sure why it works, but it’s suggested that cold, clear air removes any odors that can make nausea even worse.
You can prevent brain freeze by pressing your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much surface area as possible. Brain freeze (also known as Ice-cream headache) happens because the nerves in the roof of your mouth get extremely cold, so your brain thinks your whole body is cold. It compensates by overheating which causes your head to hurt. By warming up the roof of your mouth, you’ll chill your brain and feel better.
When you sleep, your body goes into shutdown mode so the brain can handle its business. As soon as you wake up, suck down a glass of water or two -- it’ll wake up your internal organs and prepare your body for the day ahead., and increase your metabolism. If that sounds ridiculous, it’s not: If you’re a healthy person, you sip on water all day. A good night’s rest means a solid eight hours you spent not drinking any. Make water, not coffee, your first priority in the morning.
Nothing kills momentum on a long car ride like having to pull over and pee. Next time nature calls, picture something that turns you on. Just the act of thinking about sex turns your body’s attention away from your bladder.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. May 06, 2015
By Sarah Begley, Time Magazine – Feb. 18, 2014
We interviewed candy experts and historians along with men and women to determine which bars made the biggest impact on the chocolate-bar industry—and the world at large.
1. Wonka Bar
Spencer Platt—Getty Images
People were so enamored with the concept of this treat—as depicted in the 1964 Roald Dahl novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory—that Quaker Oats Company, which financed the 1971 film version, decided to make it a reality. The promotional stunt—which marked the first time a fictional candy bar had come to life—“was a big sensation at the time,” says candy historian Darlene Lacey, and the bars remain popular today.
2. Milky Way
When this bar debuted in 1923, it was the first to take inspiration from a real dessert: the milky way malted milkshake. (That’s right—it was not named after the galaxy.) Decades later, that same gimmick would spawn products like PowerBar’s Dulce de Leche-flavored snack and Kit Kat’s Strawberry Cheesecake bar in Japan.
3. Baby Ruth
When this bar launched in 1921, its makers claimed it was named after President Grover Cleveland’s daughter Ruth (who had died 17 years earlier at the age of 12). But at that time, the more obvious association was with new Yankees star Babe Ruth, making this the first candy bar to profit from the success of a public figure—even though he wasn’t being compensated.
4. Nestlé Crunch
Prior to this bar’s introduction in 1937, candy-bar fillings were somewhat rich: nuts, caramel, etc. By using dirt-cheap puffed rice, however, Nestle helped mainstream the notion that candy could be almost anything you put into chocolate—an idea that brought candy-bar prices down and spawned treats like Krackel and Thingamajig.
5. Cadbury Milk Chocolate
The Cadbury family’s idyllic factory village in Birmingham, England—where these bars were created in 1897—helped inspire Milton S. Hershey’s own facility in Pennsylvania. “It was a sort of social utopia,” explains Deborah Cadbury, a family descendant and author of Chocolate Wars. “The Cadbury brothers as Quakers were the first to really look after their employees and provide pensions and security of employment and a living wage.” Although the Cadburys no longer own the company, its influence still looms large: its Dairy Milk and 5-Star bars are some of the world’s best-selling confections.
More than 80 years after its launch in 1930, this Mars bar is the world’s best-selling international confection. And although it may not have revolutionized candy-bar taste or distribution, it’s unparalleled at selling itself: its star-studded ad campaign “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry” helped sales hit around $3.5 billion in 2012, outpacing M&Ms, Reeses and Kit Kat. Also, says Kimmerle, it helps that Snickers offers the holy trinity of confection: nougat, caramel and peanuts—coated in chocolate, of course.
7. Nestlé Milk Chocolate
Prior to this bar’s introduction in 1875, bar-form cocoa was bitter, chewy and dark. And chocolatiers couldn’t sweeten it with regular milk, as the liquid invited mildew growth. By adding the condensed milk pioneered by Henri Nestlé for infant formula, however, Swiss chocolatier Daniel Peter solved that problem—his product was smoother, sweeter and had a longer shelf life. That breakthrough paved the way for almost every modern-day chocolate bar, including Hershey’s, Lindt and Godiva.
This now-iconic triangular prism of chocolate, nougat, almonds and honey, which debuted in 1908, was the first flagship bar to debut with a filling, upending the traditional model. (That same year, Hershey’s launched a milk chocolate bar with almonds.) Today, Lacey calls the Swiss treat “a juggernaut in terms of the global candy market” and filling is standard in bars like Almond Joy, Mounds and Three Musketeers.
9. Hershey’s Milk Chocolate
The Hershey Company
Nestlé may have invented milk chocolate, but Hershey’s made it mainstream. By building his factory right in the middle of dairy land—and using local milk to amp up production volume—Milton Hershey powered an unparalleled distribution network, says Sweet Tooth author Kate Hopkins, turning chocolate into an American obsession. Since its first bar debuted in 1900, Hershey’s has become one of the world’s most recognizable brands: its treats fed soldiers during World War II; its ad campaigns were revered; and now, there’s a $23.5 million museum dedicated to its legacy.
10. Kit Kat
The Hershey Company
Beyond being the first candy bar to be marketed around sharing, which helped turn chocolate into a social snack, Kit Kat was also the first to gain a global following. Whereas Hershey’s and Cadbury cornered different markets with similar products, the wafer-filled Kit Kats launched in both Europe and the U.S. before entering Australia, Asia and Africa—paving the way for other blockbuster bars like Snickers and Butterfinger. Decades later, Kit Kat remains a global obsession: last year, Google’s Android announced its new operating system would be called “KitKat,” and in January, Tokyo welcomed the first all-Kit Kat store, featuring flavors like edamame soy bean, purple sweet potato and wasabi.
Knowing chocolate is the language of love, what is your favorite candy bar?
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. April 29, 2015
It’s long been believed that 18 is the age when a boy turns into a man. A high school diploma, a driver’s license and moving out to go live in a college dorm all instill a new sense of freedom in young men. Unfortunately, an 18-year-old still knows very little about the real world.
Some feel that 21 is the real “coming of age” for boys, since the law recognizes them as adults of drinking and gambling age. This is also a misconception, since those two vices tend to regress the boys who can’t handle the fact that they’re suddenly able to do everything without parental consent.
So when does a young boy become a man? Becoming a man has nothing to do with surviving puberty or reaching a certain milestone in age. A boy becomes a man through his actions -- when he begins to take responsibility for his own behavior and carry himself in a certain way.
An adolescent evolves into an adult when he can handle the bulk of these 10 tasks that prove any boy is a man in the eyes of the world.
Justin Bieber is an example of what happens when a boy allows outside influences to run his everyday life. Sure, the Biebs is no saint, but allowing other juveniles to surround him and act as his yes men is a recipe for disaster. A real man knows when it’s time to ditch the sophomoric childhood friends or the guys dragging him down. It’s not easy breaking off friendships, especially those that have lasted decades, but life goes on -- and dumping those influences sooner rather than later is the best solution.
No one was built with the perfect body, and even though modern science has made it possible to sculpt the human physique into moving marble statues, every man will find flaws in himself. The danger lies in obsessing over those flaws instead of just accepting the fact that no human is perfect. A real man embraces his issues with his body and learns that true beauty comes from the inside and not the outside.
Any man can utter the phrase “I love you” (get a few drinks into a guy and he’ll tell anyone in the room he feels this way about them), but it takes a true man to understand the concept of love. Once a guy understands what it means to be in love, or to love another human, only then can he really say the phrase “I love you” and genuinely mean what he says.
Men can show emotion, but they don’t always do it constructively -- some show it through anger, others completely shut down and a few will shed tears to express unhappiness about a given situation. A true man knows how to not only channel his emotions, but express them in a way that’s beneficial to both himself and those around him.
The art of conversation isn’t as hard a task as people believe. Some men can only carry on a conversation if the topics involved are of interest to them personally. A real man can carry on a conversation about any topic, as long as he keeps an open mind and leaves the flow of conversation open for questions. Even if he doesn’t have a wealth of knowledge, a real man will ask questions to get a better understanding about a topic -- which itself keeps a conversation going.
Confucius said, “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” Everyone is wronged in life. It’s human nature to remember those moments and allow them to fester inside for years. It’s also incredibly unhealthy. There is never a reason to hold on to grudges. It’s fine to use those slights as motivation to succeed, but to harbor ill will against an individual isn’t a healthy reaction. A real man forgets the past and doesn’t allow past grievances to get in the way of future happiness.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying a cocktail or two once in a while. In fact, a small amount of alcohol might even be good for a man’s health. The problem is some men don’t understand the concept of moderation. Look around the room at any bar and separating the men from the boys is a simple task. A real man can go out with friends, family or his significant other and have a few drinks and still carry himself in a manner that shows he’s a respectable man.
Research shows that occasionally losing your temper might be good for men. The reaction can ease a man’s mind, improve athletic performance, boost his libido and even help facilitate business negotiations. The issue is some men don’t understand the word “occasionally” and instead lose their tempers “frequently.” It’s rare that losing your cool helps a situation, so it’s best to remain calm. A real man knows when it’s time to let off some steam and lets his words, and not his anger, do the talking.
In youth, men spend a significant amount of time chasing the opposite gender. It becomes a game. For some men, the game gets old. It’s in that moment men realize it’s time to treat women with the same respect they expect. Sadly, some men never come to this realization, and spend their lives mistreating women and playing “the game.” A real man knows when to put the game pieces away and call it a tie. It takes men a long time to realize the key to a happy life is a happy romantic partnership, but eventually, a real man learns.
Every man grows old but not every man grows up. Some men attempt to stay young forever. This is evident by the way they talk, act and dress. In the end, all they are doing is attempting to cope with the fact that all of us will one day cease to exist. Unfortunately, acting younger doesn’t make a man live forever.
There is nothing wrong with getting older. In fact, some men get better with age. They look better, carry themselves in a more mature way, and even live their lives with less regulation and control. A real man embraces his age and lives his life like every day could be his last.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 22, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
10 Interesting Facts about the IRS
February is the month that most Americans begin focusing on their income taxes. After gathering all tax income forms, deduction receipts and sitting down, American start the dreaded process of discovering if they get a refund or owe their government money. 54% of Americans’ fear the IRS. Who are the biggest tax cheats in America? Sixty-four percent of people who admit to fudging their taxes were single men, and 55 percent were under 45, according to a recent survey by Today Money.com
Here are some interesting facts about one of the most feared agencies of the federal government, the IRS:
1. The initial income tax was only 3% tax on individuals making over $800. Today the top tax bracket consists of a 35% tax.
2. The IRS was created by President Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War to help pay for the military expenses.
3. In order for the IRS to print the necessary forms and documents over 300,000 trees are cut down every year.
4. The IRS collected $2.2 trillion in 2006, with $1.2 trillion coming from just federal income taxes.
5. Prior to the introduction of the Taxpayer Bill of Rights in 1998, the burden of proof was put entirely on taxpayers, meaning taxpayers had to prove themselves innocent.
6. The IRS sends out an average 8 billion page of paper every tax season. If all the pieces of paper were laid out end-to-end, it would wrap around the earth 28 times.
7. The federal government spends $200 billion per year on federal tax compliance, which is more money than it takes to produce all of the cars in the United States.
8. The IRS employs over 114,000 people at the pay rate of $10 billion per year. That's over double as many as the CIA and five times more than the FBI.
9. The average family pays over 38% of their total income to the IRS, which is more than the average family spends on food, clothing, and shelter combined. The United States tax systems is widely known for being confusing and difficult to understand. Therefore, over 60% of taxpayers seek professional help preparing their tax returns.
10. The IRS has a whistleblowers program designed to help catch tax evaders. In 2005 they paid over $27 million to informants that resulted in nearly $350 million in revenue.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 15, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
10 Disgusting Common Ingredients In Cosmetics
By Beverly Jenkins, Weird Science and Randy Schueller
Reading labels on your cosmetics and lotions seems to require an advanced degree, so we've deciphered some of those ingredients for you. After reading this list of nasty stuff that's commonly used to make us feel prettier, we suddenly have an urge to toss out all of our products and go au naturale!
Well, it's either poop or vomit, depending on which end of the whale it comes out of. This material called Ambergris is useful as a fixative in perfumes. It has a sweet, earthy odor and is usually found washed up on a beach in South America or Australia. It's often called the "gold of the sea." Just one pound of the stinky stuff can earn its finder up to $10,000. Whales either pass the substance along with their feces, or they can occasionally cough it up if there is a blockage. The unique scent of ambergris is often used in expensive perfumes, and it is sometimes eaten. It is considered a delicacy.
2. Most Lipstick Contains Crushed Parasitic Beetles
Cochineal Beetles (Dactylopius Coccus) are tiny insects that feed on cactus plants in Central and South America. Female cochineal beetles eat the red cactus berries, so when the beetles are crushed, a very powerful red dye is produced.
Cochineal dye has been used for centuries, and it is very safe for most people, so it is commonly used in lipstick, ice cream, candy, yogurt, and eye shadow. In fact, Starbucks recently admitted to using cochineal dye in some of their beverages, causing a big problem for their many Vegan fans.
According to Snopes, the confusion arose because mascara does contain something called Guanine, which many people confused with guano. Guanine is a crystalline material that produces a shimmering or light-diffusing coloring ingredient in products like mascara and nail polish. It is made not from bat feces, but from ground-up fish scales, and it is commonly used in the formulation of bath products, cleansing products, fragrances, hair conditioners, lipsticks, nail products, shampoos and skin care products.
4. Roadkill in Lipstick, Eye Shadow, and Soap
Tallow is a common ingredient in many products, including eye makeup, lipsticks, makeup bases and foundations, shampoos, shaving soaps, moisturizers and skin care products. It's made from animal carcasses.
Tallow is made by rendering animal fat, which means boiling the carcasses to create fatty byproducts. The dead animals used to make tallow come from many different sources, including labs, slaughterhouses, zoos, shelters, and yes, roadkill.
Because of its high protein content, bull semen has become a popular ingredient in hair products. Used particularly for dry or damaged hair, the semen is mixed with a plant called Katera and applied to the hair in swanky salons. The process takes about 45 minutes, costs about $90-120 USD, and has been described as "Viagra for hair."
Diatomaceous earth (DE), a soft rock that is easily crumbled into a white powder, is one of the two components in dynamite. DE is also an abrasive substance that is used in most mild exfoliators, natural toothpastes, deodorants and powders.
Snail ooze is collected and used as an ingredient in many famous moisturizers. The glycolic acid and elastin in a snail's secretion protects its own skin from cuts, bacteria, and UV rays, making it a great source for proteins that eliminate dead cells and regenerate skin. It is also helpful for removing scars, stretch marks and curing acne.
Squalane is a naturally-occurring oil that almost all plants and animals produce, including humans. The squalane that is extracted from the liver of sharks goes into creating Shark Liver Oil, which is used in many products. Its greasy consistency is easily absorbed into the skin, making it a perfect ingredient for many products like lip balm, sunscreen, and moisturizers. Though many companies have stopped using Shark Liver Oil due to environmental concerns, it is still a widely-used ingredient in beauty products.
TNS Recovery Complex by SkinMedica claims to use cells derived from human infant foreskins (NouriCel-MD) in their "revolutionary" line of anti-aging products. Using a combination of soluble collagen, antioxidants, natural growth factors, and matrix proteins, they claim to slow the aging process and encourage new cell growth to promote a youthful complexion.
10. Cow DungMakes Vanilla!
It turns out you can make an incredibly pleasant smelling vanilla fragrance from extracts of cow dung. It’s not just a fertilizer any more.
We hope you enjoyed that stroll through the cosmetic chemist’s raw material wonder land. Have you heard of any other strange ingredients used in cosmetics?
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. April 08, 2015
10 Interesting Facts About April Fool's Day
Ever wonder why we celebrate April Fool’s Day, where it originated from or how it is celebrated around the world?
In celebration of one of the most lighthearted occasions of the year, here are some interesting facts about April Fool’s Day, which is celebrated every April 1:
4. A number of movies revolve around the April Fool’s tradition, among them the 2008 horror flick “April Fool’s Day.”
5. Google has been consistent in its April Fool’s pranks. Some examples: “officially” changing its name to “Topeka” in 2010, and releasing a new product in 2011 called “Gmail Motion” that supposedly lets users send and receive e-mails using gestures. This year, the company announced the shutdown of its popular video-sharing site YouTube.
6. In 2012, US Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney fell for an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank, where his aides and running mate, Paul Ryan of Wisconsin told him just before he was to go out on stage at one of his major campaign rallies; “We didn’t get much of a turnout this morning.” Romney couldn’t believe it and ran out onto the stage without being announced to a crowd of over 20,000 supporters looking confused and disheveled. Romney being embarrassed he fell for the prank laughed so hard, tears came to his eyes and it took 15 minutes to get his composure back.
7. In 1998, fast food giant Burger King introduced a “Left-Handed Whopper” as an April Fool’s Day prank. The burger supposedly included the usual condiments in Burger King’s original Whopper sandwich, but these were “rotated 180 degrees” to suit left-handed customers.
8. Two years before Burger King’s prank, another fast food chain, Taco Bell, pulled a huge prank on Americans on April Fool’s Day. In full-page ads in major newspapers in the US, Taco Bell claimed it had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell.
9. In 1976, BBC radio astronomer Patrick Moore said that at 9:47 a.m., Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, causing a gravitational alignment that would temporarily reduce Earth’s gravity. He told his listeners to jump at exactly that time to experience a strange floating sensation – which did not happen.
10. In 1957, some decades before the planetary alignment prank, BBC pulled another April Fool’s joke by reporting about "spaghetti crops." Millions were duped by the report, with many of them asking how they can grow their own spaghetti trees.
Agence France-Presse, History.com, Kidsplayandcreate.com, Museum of Hoaxes, Reuters.com,
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 01, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
10 Weird Things Men Love In Women
Want to make everyday a memorable and romantic day. Just know your men and see how beautifully your life changes. Your love life will become intense and hot and your man will be yours only. Spend some in discovering the qualities that he likes and make your love life a wonderfully irresistible experience.
They just love women in baggy and casual outfit, walking in style and tremendously beaming with confidence.
Usually men are not attracted to heavily painted girls. They love the natural and make-up free look. They rarely pay attention to smokey eyes and dark lipsticks. So ladies do not waste precious time and money and just be natural.
It is not physical contact that can only draw men towards you. Your vivacious wit and sharp humor can do wonders in attracting men towards you. So be smart and witty. Simply crack a joke and get men wooed.
The weirdest thing that men like is the lingerie that does not match. Do not just run after a paired bra and panties, show that you are not prepared and see how hot and desired he will be.
Curvy is definitely sexy. Flat and skinny figures do not attract men. Love handles and curves never fail to get noticed.
Traits like intelligence, confidence, decisive nature, sexual openness and emotional maturity attract men as they love to be close to intelligent people rather than dumb and beautiful women. Beauty with brains is appreciated. Go ahead and flaunt your real self. Mere display of beauty is not sufficient enough. Show your sensuality and express your wildest fantasies because that is what men like.
Sounds strange, but that is what men love to see a woman in. Men like women in casuals and want to explore. They do not get turned on by women in formals.
Never shy away from your man. Just put your point emphatically and look into his eyes. Eye contact makes you irresistible and stronger.
Women think that men are attracted by properly knit hair which is not true in real sense. Unkempt hairs attract men as they simply love bed-hair and kohl smudged eyes.
Women believe that orgasm should not be expressed before men. This is absolutely false, displaying orgasm is an indication that a woman is strong enough to express her sexuality- something that men just long for.
Sexuality is an intimate and personal thing and should be expressed instead of being bottled up.
So when you look at the love of your life, what turn’s you on?
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, March 25, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
10 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble
By Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT, Relational Expert
We've all heard the dauntingly horrible statistic: 68 percent of marriages end in divorce. No one wants to be a cliché, and everyone wants to find themselves amongst the 32 percent that beat the odds.
What if you could identify the biggest indicators before it was too late? What if you had the chance to turn it all around? Would you seize the moment, even if it meant taking an unpleasant look at the reality of your relationship and digging in to repair the damage?
Avoid marital distress by learning to recognize these warning signs! Look at the indicators below to see where you fall on the spectrum of marital turmoil:
1. You become a one-woman consulting firm.
You used to ask your partner for their opinions on a variety of subjects. Everything from what you should do about your difficult boss to what plans you'll make for the weekend. Those days are gone, and you find yourself making decisions without consideration for their feelings or how it might affect them.
2. You pull out your scorecard and start tallying.
The ease of give and take has been replaced with playing "Tit for Tat" and you actively keep mental notes for how much you are contributing versus how much your partner isn't.
3. You anoint yourself king/queen of the castle.
In a successful relationship, no one person's needs are more important. Your desires are equally considered and equal attempts are made to bring them to fruition. However, now that there is stress, resentment and tension, you make your needs priority one.
4.You move from teammates to roommates.
Teammates work in tandem to get goals accomplished. They share ideas for how to succeed and envision home and life plans together. Roommates take on singular projects with no respect or thought towards the other person in the house. They cleantheir space. They do their laundry. Their separate plans become your separate lives.
5. You pull out your needle and start jabbing.
Anyone in a long-term relationship knows their partner well enough to have a keen awareness of their hot buttons. In days past, you accidentally pressed them, learned from your mistakes and vowed not to repeat them. Today, you press them with full awareness, and you like it.
6. You break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
When you two were happy and in love, you "dated" each other. You did all the little things that kept the romance alive. You sent the sweet text in the middle of the day. You brought home the dessert from that little café you know they love. You made an effort to keep up your appearance. Now, you see your mate as a ball and chain instead of the hot date you used to roll out the red carpet for.
7. You move your love tank to someone else's truck.
Whether it's emotional or physical, you are reaching out to anyone and everyone other than your mate to connect with and feel connected to.
8. You kidnapped cupid and you're holding him for ransom.
People joke that you stop having sex when you get married because you no longer 'have to.' But the truth is that often times, people stop having sex when they start losing the positive feelings towards their mate. No one wants to have sex with the person they see as an impediment to their happiness. Even if you still have sexual feelings, you stop pursuing them to punish, play games or make a point to your partner.
9. Words are saved for scrabble.
Gone are the days of staying up late, talking. Conversations with your mate seem futile and exhausting. Instead, you use as few words as possible to convey your sentiments and conversations devolve into what needs to get done around the house or who is running carpool tomorrow.
10. You checked out of your relationship and into your mental hotel.
In happier times, your partner was your refuge because they were your best friend, your comfort and your joy. As tension sets in, you blindly interact with your mate without giving them your presence of mind. Your mindfulness has been replaced with fantasies of your new life, away from your partner.
If you're determinedly shaking your head in agreement, that's a flashing yellow light that trouble is brewing. No one said it would be a snap, but then again, nothing worth having comes easy. You only have a few finite opportunities to get your marriageout of trouble before that yellow light turns red.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, March 11, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
12 Random facts About Dating and Relationships
1. The curve of the counter in a bar is designed so other customers can easily “check out” other customers. Bars also purposely place mirrors to help create a larger sense of place and to allow a person to scope out other people behind them.
2. A man’s top dating fears include that a woman will come between him and his friends, won’t allow him free time, will turn out to be a stalker, won’t respect him, or will be too high maintenance.
3. Five types of women that men tend to avoid are serial flirters, someone who talks about marriage too soon, clingy women, the party-girl, and a woman who talks too much or is drama queen.
4. Over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more than two years.
5. New York and Washington have the most state residents who are unmarried, 50% and 70%, respectively. Idaho and Utah have the most state residents who are married, 60% and 59%.
6. A woman can increase the likelihood of a man approaching her if she uncrosses her arms, makes subtle eye contact, and smiles.
7. In American society, when a man offers his date his palm face up, he is most likely deeply attracted to the woman. In fact, a human’s brain is wired to respond to hand gestures and hand shapes, though the brain’s response depends on the man or woman’s culture and ethnicity.
8. When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.
9. If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This shows attentiveness and connectiveness.
10. Body language studies show that revealing areas of the body that aren’t usually on display (such as the inner wrist, the inside of the upper arm, ankles, feet, inside calf muscle, and the nape of the neck) has an immediate effect on a date and shows an instant liking.
11. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania studied data from over 10,000 speed daters and found that most people make a decision regarding a person’s attraction within three seconds of meeting.
12. The online dating industry generates $1.8 billion per year and the matchmaker/dating coach business generates $260 million per year in the United States.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, March 04, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
It may come as no surprise that the number one wish for Make-A-Wish is a trip to Disney World. However, below are some things you may not have known aboout America's favorite playground. These facts range from shocking, to unbelievable, to just plain weird!
Since Wheels for Wishes benefits Make-A-Wish, your donation can help send a lucky boy or girl to this crazy world of Disney! For more information visit our car donation home page to learn more about the car donation program or www.wish.org for more information on Make-A-Wish.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, February 25, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Credits: This article first appeared on inspirationandchai.com via Real Farmacy
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. February 18, 2015.
By Melissa Awesome February 10, 2013 3:40 PM
Ahh Valentine’s Day! You either love it or you hate it. This coming Saturday is the day that some naked baby looking thing with wings will come and shoot you with an arrow shaped like a heart and make you fall in love! I mean seriously who came up with Cupid, and why is he so weird looking? Besides that check out these weird facts about heart day, whether you love or hate the holiday, I bet you’ll find these facts interesting!
1) Cupid was associated with Valentine’s Day because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty (So that’s who he is!)
2) 73% of American men buy flowers on Valentine’s Day while 15% of US women send flowers to themselves…awkward!
3) More than 650 million valentine cards are exchanged by children from ages 6-10 each year. Most of these cards are bought in the last 6 days leading up to Valentine’s Day. Teachers receive more valentine cards than anyone else followed by children, moms, sweethearts, pets, and then dads. Over 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent worldwide every year.
4) Penicillin, a popular treatment for venereal diseases was introduced on February 14, 1929. How romantic
5) Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine’s Day; it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.
6) King Henry VIII declared February 14th a holiday in 1537. Which is ironic considering he killed most of his wives because they didn’t give him a son (Later science found out that it’s actually the man’s sperm that determines the sex of the child…put that in your pipe and smoke it King Henry).
7) More than nine million pet owners are expected to buy gifts for their pets this Valentine’s Day. I mean I think my dog is cooler than a lot of people I know. I wasn’t really planning on buying her a Valentine’s Day gift though, but now I feel pressured. Thanks a lot Hallmark.
8) During the Middle Ages men and women would pick names out of a bowl and the person’s name they drew would be considered their Valentine. They would wear that person’s name on their sleeve for a week. This is where the saying wear your heart on your sleeve comes from.
9) The city in Italy where Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters every year sent to Juliet on Valentine’s Day. Do people not realize that Romeo and Juliet aren’t real?
10) In the middle Ages, people believed that the first unmarried person of the opposite sex you met on the morning of St. Valentine’s Day would become your spouse. Remind me not to leave the house Saturday morning….
One last fact, in 1929 at the height of prohibition Al Capone ordered the killing of members of a rival gang run by Bugs Moran in Chicago on Valentine’s Day which became known as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Authorities were unable to find any real evidence to tie Capone to the crime and he was never arrested or tried for the murder of these seven men. Instead he served his time for tax evasion and later died of syphilis. I guess Capone could have use some penicillin.
Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon. February 11, 2015.
New Delhi: Facebook, over the past few years, has changed the conception of people about how we connect to each other. It’s growing popularity means that we no longer are confined to face-to-face interaction, but see ours and others in the number of people in ‘friends list.’ A simple click on the ‘unfriend’ option makes it easy to cut ties with someone who you have been very close to. The more people in your friends list, the more popular you are perceived to be.
Even in the friends list, we can segregate people into different categories, based on our closeness and level of formality with them. We have ‘family’, ‘best friends’, ‘not-so-close friends’, ‘relatives’ and ‘work colleagues’ lists. If due to geographical barriers, you cannot physically ‘poke a friend’, you can still do so in the world of Facebook and this subtle cue is somehow less offending in the virtual world. Facebook has altogether put a new meaning on the world of ‘virtual friendship’ where it doesn’t matter whether you have met the other person or not.
Total number of monthly active users on Facebook is 1,310,000,000. Total number of mobile users on Facebook is 680,000,000. Google has 343 million users and twitter with 284 million users. 640,000,000 minutes spent on Facebook each month. 18 minutes spent on Facebook per visit daily.
Here’s a look at some quick facts interesting and shocking facts about the popular social network.
#10 The reason Facebook is blue: Zuckerberg is colorblind
According to The New Yorker, Zuckerberg is red-green colorblind, which means the color he can see best is blue. That also happens to be the color that dominates the Facebook website and mobile app.
"Blue is the richest color for me," he told the magazine. "I can see all of blue," he said in an interview.
#9 Hacking Facebook got this man hired
In 2006, a guy named Chris Putnam hacked into Facebook and made thousands of profiles look like MySpace profiles. Facebook was so impressed they hired him.
#8 Facebook doesn't allow breastfeeding photos
Facebook was criticized by mothers when it yanked photos of breastfeeding babies that women had posted on their personal profiles because it deemed them a little too revealing.
In response to the terse notices alerting mothers that they were violating Facebook's decency policy, "lactivists" responded with a virtual nurse-in; 11,000 women posted photos of themselves breastfeeding and/or updated their profiles to read: "Hey, Facebook. Breastfeeding Is Not Obscene!" The pro-breastfeeding group has attracted over 250,000 members.
#7 Iceland used Facebook to rewrite its constitution!
In 2011, Iceland took the help of Facebook in rewriting its constitution. Two thirds of Iceland's population is on Facebook, so the constitutional council used Facebook to rewrite its constitution where citizens could use the social network to make their own suggestions, engage in online debates, or follow the proceedings in real-time.
#6 Steve Chen worked for Facebook
Steve Chen worked at Facebook for a few weeks before quitting because Mark Zuckerberg didn’t like his idea to add a new service in Facebook, it was called YouTube.
#5 Photo sharing
Mark Zuckerberg didn't want to add photo-sharing to Facebook, but Sean Parker convinced him to making Facebook the most popular photo-sharing site.
#4 Zuckerberg took "CEO lessons" in 2005
After employees and investors began lobbying for his replacement, Zuckerberg took "CEO lessons" in 2005 byXi Jinping's Big Yellow Book of Business.
# 3 Adding the number 4 to the end of Facebook’s URL will automatically direct you to Mark Zuckerberg’s wall.
Just in case you’re not familiar with the term “URL” - type in this web address: www.facebook.com/4. We’re not sure why Zuckerberg chose the fourth ID number instead of number 1, but this is a quick and easy way to get to the original Facebook wall that is owned by its creator. Adding the numbers 5 or 6 to the end of the URL will take you to the respective profiles of Chris Hughes and Dustin Moskovitz, Facebook co-founders and Mark’s former college roommates. Tacking a 7 onto the web address leads to the profile of Arie Hasit, another good friend of Zuckerberg from his days at Harvard.
Basically, if you find an original bug within the Facebook software and system, they’ll reward you with up to $500. There are stipulations to the rules, though. They allow this as showing appreciation for their security researchers. One cannot disclose personal information about others and must give Facebook 24 hours in good faith to fix the issue before going public with the bug. Only one bounty per security bug is given.
Facebook can't talk to Google about an acquisition without telling Microsoft first, thanks to Microsoft's 2007 investment
#1 Facebook has become so popular psychologists identified a new mental health disorder “Facebook Addiction Disorder” that has become one of the leading causes of divorce.
New research suggests that Facebook could be detrimental to your relationship status and your health. A study conducted by the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, found that people who use Facebook excessively (those who check hourly) are more likely to "experience Facebook Addiction Disorder (FAD) as well as Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners, which then may cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce," according to a press release. In 2011, Facebook was cited as a reason for a third of divorces.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. January 28, 2015.
Dr. Michelle Callahan - Psychologist, TV Personality, Author
There's a new breed of female bullies cropping up in workplaces across the country. According to a nationwide poll by the Employment Law Alliance:
Clearly workplace bullying is not something to be taken lightly. So why do some women do it?
How do you know whether you're being bullied, or simply dealing with a difficult boss or co-worker?
Ten Tips For Dealing With Being Bullied At Work
We train people to treat us the way they treat us. Knowing how to deal with workplace bullies place the control in you and doesn’t give anyone permission to treat you the way they treat you.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, January 21, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
A few years ago, I began to notice how open to PDA’s (public displays of affection) people in the USA were in their kissing. I found this interesting and wondered why do people kiss? Are there benefits to kissing? What do men and women look for in their kissing.
In my research, I discovered there are actual Kiss Scientists who study kissing. They are called Philematologists and they have discovered a wide range of benefits of kissing such as:
1. Kissing lowers stress.
It decreases the stress hormone cortisol and increases serotonin levels in the brain. Kissing has also been measured to lower anxiety and has similar benefits to meditating.
2. Kissing makes us happier.
It improves our mood by increasing endorphins, which are our feel-good hormones.
“Happiness is like a kiss - it feels best when you give it to someone else.” ~Author Unknown
3. Kissing keeps us healthy.
It improves our immunity by releasing antibodies that kill bacteria. And kissing helps us prevent cavities by increasing saliva that washes our teeth. It has also been shown that our saliva secretes natural antibiotics when we kiss.
“Never a lip is curved with pain? That can't be kissed into smile again.”?~Brete Harte
4. Kissing calms us down and promotes pleasure.
It increases levels of oxytocin otherwise known as the "love hormone" which calms us. Kissing also reduces pain through our saliva which contains a kind of anesthetic and increases pleasure by releasing dopamine.
"Your hugs and kisses are like the stars that light up my life when things get dark." – Author Unknown
5. Kissing strengthens our relationships.
It promotes togetherness and couples who kiss regularly live five years longer than those who don’t.
"A kiss seals two souls for a moment in time.” ~Levende Waters
Top 10 Reasons To Kiss List:
Gender Difference in Kissing:
Sure, men's and women's kissing styles differ, but "there are more similarities than differences," says Mr. Christian, who wrote The Art of Kissing under the name William Cane. He thinks the psychology researchers may have overlooked one obvious motivation for puckering up: It's pleasurable.
How do you like your kisses, wet or dry?
According to the study of 1,041 college students at the University at Albany, men and women kiss for very different reasons. Women kiss to assess the commitment of a mate - is he really that into me? While men kiss as a means to an end - let's get it on. The study determined that men like their kisses wetter : to be precise, 33 per cent wetter on average, than women do.
"At the moment of a kiss, there is an exceedingly rich and complex exchange of postural, tactile and chemical cues," says Dr. Gallup. Swapping saliva involves an exchange of hormones, and one hormone in male saliva is testosterone, which increases female arousal, thus increasing the chances for greater intimacy.
Women in the study rate kissing as more important than men do at all stages of a relationship. Men are much more likely to skip to the main event: 53 per cent said they would have sex with someone without kissing, compared with only 15 per cent of women. Men are also much more likely to have sex with someone who's a bad kisser.
There are plenty more benefits to kissing...but I am guessing that you already have your favorite reasons. What’s my favorite kissing moment, you ask? When you can feel your partner smiling as you kiss each other. Kissing makes us smile more!
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. January 14, 2015.
10 New Year’s Resolutions To Make If You Want 2015 To Be The Happiest Year Ever
By Ari Eastman -
Happy 2015! Everybody wants to better themselves. Some people want to better their families, their communities or maybe even the world. Regardless of your level of altruism, New Year's seems to be the iconic time to start your new journey. Below are the top ten New Year's Resolutions for you to try for the upcoming 2015 year.
1. Get rid of those “goal weight” clothes
We’ve all got some pair of pants in the back of our closet that we fantasize fitting in perfectly one day, or browse outfits that get labeled “once I’m in better shape.” This type of thinking isn’t doing you any good. In fact, it’s probably counteracting any progress you hope to make. If you have this constant image of who you need to be and what you need to look like, you are going to slowly drive yourself nuts. Love who you are in the moment, and don’t treat yourself as a rough draft.
2. Stop skipping meals
Whether it’s a misguided attempt to lose weight, or you just lose track of time and realize you have skipped an important meal, it’s important in the new year to cut this damaging habit. It doesn’t seem like it’s doing much, but in the long run skipping meals can wreak havoc on your metabolism, as well as overall energy levels. Figure out a time that works in your schedule and commit to eating at that time. It may help to prep meals the night before if you know you will have a hectic day.
3. Make a list of the people who have hurt you most, and then burn it
We often talk about this idea of “letting go” and what exactly that entails. It’s not an easy or simple process, and something that can be completely different for the individual dealing with it. When you switch into a mentality that you have the power to decide what hurts you, you’ll find it can help in moving on from a painful situation. There’s something cathartic about using pen and paper, so to start off the new year ready for love and forgiveness, write down the names of people who have caused any hurt that still lingers within you. Take the paper and throw it in the fireplace, and as it goes up in flames, let go of the anger and hurt too.
4. Reorganize your work space
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unclear with what your objectives are in the workplace/career path, it might help to take a day to just completely rearrange your desk, or other place you do most work. Maybe print off some inspirational quotes you like, and place them somewhere you can see whenever start working. It might boost your motivation.
5. Dedicate a “me” day each week
We get so caught up in taking care of everyone else, that we often neglect our own needs. If you aren’t first making sure you are healthy and happy, what good are you really going to be to those around you? Though this can be a difficult task with responsibilities that get in the way, try to put aside one day every single week that is about YOU. Maybe you carve out a few hours to read a book, or take a class on something you’re interested in learning more about. Take a day that is just about you, and prioritize yourself again.
6. Take a daily walk
Instead of diving into an intense new work out regimen and pushing your body to a point that you’re no longer sure your body works anymore, try starting off with something easy to commit to every day, like a 30 minute walk. Create an awesome playlist that pumps you up, get outside, and just enjoy your surroundings. It’s a small thing you can do every single day that will make you feel better.
7. Make a list of weekly goals that are doable
If you want to be the next Oprah, that’s fantastic, but simply having the goal “be Oprah” might freak you out more than it inspires you. Try making weekly goals that are realistic. Maybe this week you will call and catch up with that friend from college. Next week, you can go through your closet and donate things you no longer need. By breaking things down weekly, it can be easier to get more done and then feel more productive.
8. Go social media free for at least two weeks
This holds truer to some people, but in a time when we are bombarded with constant updates on what those around us are doing, it’s fairly common to slip into a Facebook induced slump. People choose the best light to shine on themselves on social media, so of course you’re going to see only the cool and exciting things. We compare ourselves to each other on the daily, so it can be really refreshing to step away from Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. for a bit and not constantly see who is getting engaged and promoted.
9. Cleanse your life of toxic relationships
This is a tough one, I’ll be honest. We can find ourselves in toxic, unhealthy relationships and not even realize that’s what they were until much later when we are no longer in them. And depending on who the person is, you can’t always just cut the strings. But take a moment to clear your mind, then think of each important relationship in your life. What are these relationships bringing you? Do you feel drained more often than not with this person? Are you always giving, and not receiving the same thing in return? Try to look at these relationships as objectively as you can (though that’s impossible to fully do) and decide which ones are causing more harm than good. Formulate a plan to distance yourself from the damaging ones, and once you have gotten far enough away, do NOT look back. Continue moving forward. You’ll thank yourself later.
10. Practice being honest with yourself
I’ve found that the person we lie to more than anyone is ourselves. We’re incredibly good at it too. We can convince ourselves we’re okay with situations when we truly aren’t. We can bury emotions, bottle up fears and insecurities, and keep it all on lock down for a long, long time. But doing this will eat away at you in little ways. It can show up in your health or general mood. Or maybe, one day you just explode and everything you’ve been secretly lying about exposes itself in a very destructive way. To avoid this, start being honest when you wake up. Check in with yourself and how you feel. Are you sad? Are you angry about something? Are you worried? If you are, admit it to yourself. It’s okay. Being honest and validating your own feelings can be so rewarding and helpful on the path to happiness.
Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, January 07, 2015. Portland. Oregon.
Fridays at 11:16, Lance Mayhew (mylifeontherocks.com) joins us. He is our show bartender!
2 oz Encanto Pisco
1 oz pineapple simple syrup (equal parts sugar and water, cooked until clear and then soak pineapple in the syrup for 24 hours)
1 oz lime juice
1 oz Lillet Rouge or sweet vermouth
1 dash Angostura bitters
Add first 5 ingredients to a cocktail shaker. Add ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with an orange twist.
Guest bartender Patrick Bernards from Bull Run Distilling stops by to make the....
2 oz. Pacific Rum
1 oz. Fresh Lime Juice
1/2 oz. Falernum
1/2 oz. Pineapple Juice
Combine all ingredients in a shaker, add ice, shake well then strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a lime slice.
1 part Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey
1 part triple sec (Cointreau)
1 part sweet & sour mix,
4 parts lemon lime soda
Rum Club Daiquiri
2 oz Bacardi 8 rum
3/4 oz Lime juice
1/2 2:1 Demerara syrup
1/4 Maraschino liqueur
2 Dash Angostura bitters
4-6 Drops Absinthe (Herbsaint 100)
Cuba Libre (original recipe)
2 oz Bacardi Gold Rum
Coca-Cola to top
Le Melon Mule
2 oz Grey Goose Le Melon vodka, ginger beer, squeeze of lemon or lime
2oz Tequila Cazadores Reposado
4oz Grapefruit Soda
Pinch of Salt
Pour Tequila over ice and top off with Grapefruit soda. Add a pinch of salt and garnish with lime
The Boulevard Cocktail 4/25/14
The Moscow Mule 4/18/14
2 oz Grey Goose vodka
Top with Ginger ale or beer, serve with lime wedge
The Coffee Cocktail (caffeine free & coffee free) 4/04/14
1 oz ruby port (Sandeman)
1 oz Remy Martin VSOP cognac
3/4 oz simple syrup
Add all the ingredients to a cocktail shaker. Add ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a port glass or wine glass. Garnish with shaved nutmeg (optional).
Caipirinha 3/28/14 (by our guest bartender: Jacob Grier)
2 oz Novo Fogo Silver Cachaça
1/2 lime, sliced
1 1/4 tablespoon sugar
Muddle limes and sugar, add cachaça and ice, shake and pour into a glass.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Vodka Martini 1/31/14
2 oz Grey Goose vodka
1/2 oz dry vermouth (Noilly Pratt or Martini and Rossi recommended)
In a mixing glass, add both ingredients
Stir for 30 seconds
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass
Garnish with a lemon twist or an olive (make it a vodka Gibson with a pickled onion)
The Anejo Sage 1/24/14
In a pint glass add:
2oz. Cazadores Anejo Tequila.
1/4oz. Green Chartreuse.
1/4oz. Lemon juice.
Dash of Bittermens Burlesque bitters.
Prepare a bottle with Cherry wood smoke and set it to the side.
Add ice and stir down and strain in to the Cherry wood bottle.
Give a quick swirl and pour over ice.
Top with Lemon soda and zest a orange over the top.
Garnish with orange peel and cherry.
Blueberry Tea 1/17/14
ServeLance Mayhew's Hot Buttered Rum recipe 1/10/14
Hot Buttered Rum Batter
1 stick butter, room temp
¾ c brown sugar
¼ cup agave nectar
½ tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp allspice
1/8 tsp clove
To make a hot buttered rum, simply slice a good dollop off of the batter, add to a mug with 2 oz Bacardi 8 year rum, fill with hot water, stir to incorporate, and enjoy.
Here's the recipe for this week's drink:
Gentleman Jack Tennessee Celebration Punch
4 tblsp sugar dissolved in
1 c fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup orgeat ( Trader Vics recommended)
1/2 c grenadine
For one cocktail-
In a highball glass, add 2 oz Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey, 1 oz mix and top with sparkling wine
For one punchbowl-
One large brick of ice
1 bottle sparkling wine (Cremant de Alsace recommended)
1/2 bottle of Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey
Mix (all of it)
Combine, stir and serve
Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a cherry.9/6/2013
Garnish with a lime peel.
• 2 oz Woodford Reserve Bourbon Whiskey
• 1 oz simple syrup (1 to 1 ratio)
• 1/4 lemon, cut up into 2-3 pieces
• 3-4 full sprigs of spearmint
1. In a mixing glass, add mint and lemon. Muddle thoroughly to release juices and oils.
2. Add simple syrup and whiskey.
3. Add ice. Shake vigorously for 30 seconds.
4. Strain into a rocks glass filled with crushed ice.
5. Garnish with a mint sprig.
Gin Basil Smash
2oz Bombay sapphire
3/4 oz lemon juice 1 oz simple syrup
1 handful basil
Muddle basil, add all other ingredients. Add ice, shake and strain. Easy breezy!
Take 3 Cocktail
2 ounces Cynar
3/4 ounce St. Germain liqueur
3/4 ounce lemon juice
1 orange wedge, for garnish.
Orange Creamsicle Cocktail
1 1/2 oz Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum
In a glass of your choosing, add Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum, ice and top with Squirt.
Grey Goose Collins
1 1/2 oz Grey Goose vodka
1/2 oz simple syrup
1 oz fresh lemon juice
Club soda or sparkling water to top
1- Pour Grey Goose vodka, lemon juice and simple syrup into a highball glass.
2- Add ice.
3- Stir briefly to incorporate.
4- Top with club soda or sparkling water (lemon Perrier makes for an interesting twist)
6- Garnish with lemon wedge and maraschino cherry (optional) and serve
1 oz Herradura Reposado tequila
3/4 oz New Deal ginger liqueur
3/4 oz lime juice
1/2 teaspoon soy sauce
4 dashes Tabasco
top off with half bottle Pilsner
Serve on the rocks
Bacardi Pinapple Fusion Cooler
2 oz Bacardi Pineapple Fusion
Just mix and serve. This is super easy.
Barrel Aged Negroni
1 bottle Bombay Sapphire gin
1 bottle Martini & Rossi Sweet Vermouth
1 bottle Campari
orange twist garnish
In a small oak barrel (available at Fh Steinbart or online) combine all three ingredients. Age at least one month before serving.
Bacon Whiskey Old Fashioned
6 pieces good quality, thick-cut bacon
1 bottle Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey (750 ml)
1/2 ounce brown-sugar simple syrup
2 dashes angostura bitters
1 small piece cooked bacon, candied (garnish)
Cook the bacon slowly over medium-low heat until all the fat renders. (Save the cooked bacon for another use.) Infuse the bacon fat into the bourbon using the fat-washing technique, which adds the flavors of a fat into the spirit. To do so, pour the fat into a large glass jar and add the spirit, then swirl together. Cover and let the mixture sit in a cool, dry place for three days to one week, then refrigerate for 24 hours. The fat will solidify and separate. Pour through a strainer lined with coffee filters to strain. In a cocktail shaker, combine two ounces of the bourbon, the brown-sugar simple syrup (made by combining equal parts sugar and water and simmering over medium heat until the sugar dissolves), and the bitters. Add ice, shake well, and serve in a rocks glass. Garnish with a candied bacon strip (1/2 slice bacon cooked with brown sugar and black pepper)
· 2 peaches, sliced
· 2 cups cherries, pitted and halved
· 2 oranges, sliced
· ½ to 1 cup sugar
· 1 cup Cointreau
· 2 750-ml bottle dry white wine
· mint sprigs (optional) to garnish and for flavoring
· Club soda, optional
Combine peaches, cherries and oranges with ½ cup sugar. Add the Cointreau. Chill for about 2 hours. Combine the fruit with the white wine and mint in a large pitcher and chill for a few hours or up to a day.
4 bottles cheap red wine (please find an actual varietal, not Carlos Rossi Hearty Burgundy. I like to use Charles Shaw Shiraz at Trader Joes)
6 oz Cointreau
2 oz Remy Martin VSOP cognac
4 valencia oranges sliced thin (don't sub navels)
2 granny smith apples sliced thin
2 cinnamon sticks, broken in 1/2
9 cloves, studded onto 1 slice of apple
1 cup granulated sugar
Combine all ingredients in a large apothecary jar or punch bowl, stir to incorporate sugar into the mix, cover, refrigerate overnight before serving.
Can be cut with sparkling water 50/50 for a lighter option for guests.
1 bottle of Brugal Extra Dry Rum
20 oz. of Fresh Grapefruit juice
20 oz. of Club Soda
10-12 lime wedges
Pour all ingredients into a pitcher, lightly stir and pour over ice. Garnish with a lime wedge and serve. Serves 12-15 people.
2oz Herradura Blanco Tequila
1oz grapefruit juice
top with Squirt/Grapefruit Jarritos5/9/13
2 oz Herradura Blanco tequila
Grapefruit Jarritos soda or Squirt to top
In a chimney glass, add tequila & ice. Top with soda & serve.
The Classic Margarita
2oz Cazadores tequila
2oz Fresh lime juice
1 oz Countreau
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